15 year old and party

[Northernskyinjuly]

My 15 year old wants to go to a party tonight. It’s not in our area, it’s about 30 mins away on the train. I don’t know the child whose party it is, or their parents, or whether the parents will definitely be there (she won’t let me check). She doesn’t know anyone other than the child throwing the party and the two friends she wants to go with. She openly told me there will be drugs and alcohol there but that she ‘won’t touch it’. I’ve told her she can’t go. She’s furious with me! I’m ruining her life etc etc.

I don’t think I’m being unreasonable but the other parents seem absolutely fine with it. And the other teens seem to be able to stay out as late as they like.

I feel like I’m going slightly mad! Interested to hear others opinions on this.

YANBU

I wouldn't let her go either.

That would be a big nope from me

I would let her go for a couple if hours then pick her up

Nope. Not a chance!

I wouldn't let my child go.

Goodness, I was a fairly relaxed and liberal parent to my now uni student DD but no way would I have said yes to this at 15.

No. Too many things could go wrong. The good thing is that she hasn't lied to you, Op!

I would not be happy with this.

Not at 15. Its too far away and too adult with booze and drugs. Best case scenario is she gets scared by someone or something and you end up trying to find the party with shit directions.

I agree with @TheBossOfMe I was (and am) a pretty slack parent in various ways but no, I would not be OK with this either.

It's the train there and not knowing anyone that bothers me tbh. If it was a house Halloween party a 10 min walk away with a bunch of her friends then no worries. But a train? will she then get a train home? how late will they run? And the fact that she only knows one person, the host – so no support system there for her either. Nope.

ETA apols @TheBossOfMe you said “relaxed and liberal” I was just slack haha

Good grief, why are you even asking?
Surely it's part of being a teenager to have your life ruined by your parents.

drugs - no I wouldn’t let her go.

Not at 15. No chance
Not knowing where she is - No
Known drug use - No
30 mins away - No
Unknown parental supervision - No
My 18yo is at uni now. I wouldn't have allowed that at 15.
ETA there was a party at about thst age, he decided he didn't want to go to, as he felt it would kick off. It did, BB guns, drugs, police called. Disaster.
Lovely middle class high school, small seaside town.

Parent to a 15yo and absolutely not!

Unknown location, unknown people, unknown if there will be adult supervision and 30 mins away by train?! YANBU I wouldn't allow her to to either.

She may stay away from drugs and alcohol but there's nothing to stop her drink being spiked...

She’ll definitely be lying next time!

OP, are the other parents fine with it only because their DC haven’t mentioned the drugs, alcohol or absent parents?

Absolutely not i don't mind my teens going to local parties of people i know and to have a bit of alcohol but Absolutely not to this. Id also be tempted to tell the other girls parents about what's actually happening at this party be they probably don't even know

I let my 15 yr old go to a party in similar circumstances only it was a 10 minute drive away. He took a couple of alcopops with him but ended up drinking nearly a full glass of neat vodka that someone else poured for him as he felt embarrassed to say no. He was shit faced but luckily a sensible girl phoned me and we collected him. I would do what pp said. Let her go but she has to be collected at a reasonable time.

Quite possibly!

I'd either say no or drop her off and pick her up and insist on the hosts parents phone number. All life ruining according to my almost 15 year old daughter but there we are.

Absolutely not

OP you need to be really careful here, you do not want her going down the wrong path with this 'friend'

My DS got off the rails at that age and although he has turned the corner and is back on track, it will have implications for him potentially for many more years (ended up with poor MH and a criminal record)

If it was my daughter, I would have let her go, but on the condition that I took her there, watched her go into the house, and then collected her at around midnight.

She wants you to stop her from going, otherwise she wouldn't have told you the concerning detail in the first place. Better to blame mum for ruining her life, than admit to her friends she doesn't really want to go.

This was my first thought.