At what age do you start making DC get and do things themselves?

[Feedingmybaby]

Eg. DC4 will sometimes ask “mummy can you get me a drink please?” And I’ll tell her her juice bottle is in X room. She’ll then often ask “can you get it for me, please?” And I feel guilty for telling her to get it herself! Or she’ll ask for a yoghurt/snack and I’ll tell her to go into the kitchen to get it for herself, and again, I feel like I’m being lazy!

IABU - you should get things for DC4
IANBU - DC4 is capable of getting her own snacks and juice.

My policy is, if they can do it themselves, they do it themselves. Of course I'll get a drink for someone if I'm getting one for myself but I am no one's waitress and I will not respond to requests for service.

They should be taught to get things for themselves as soon as they can do so competently and safely.

Until then they should “help” you do the task.

Eg they might not be able to tie their shoe laces but they should fetch the shoes and put them on.

Not sure why you’d feel guilty? I’ve got the opposite problem where mine have always wanted more independence before their time so would just get themselves a drink and get water all over the kitchen etc 🤣 I think it’s better for me in the long run however as they can do quite a few basics without needing me. Maybe make it into a game and say ‘shall I teach you how to do it today?’. That should assuage the guilt and make your kid happy as they’re usually v keen to learn new things at that age.

I think it's good for them to be as independent as possible, but then people have bollocked me because they said that my dc shouldn't be going into my kitchen (at my house) and helping themselves. I didn't mind, but other people made me feel like I was doing something wrong

As soon as they are reliably able.