Husband has never gone to dentist

[FairRoseFox]

I have a wonderful husband. However his teeth have always bothered me. He says he refuses to go to the dentist as they are a waste of time and charge a fortune/over priced. He never had braces as a child as by the time he could have them he was late teens and didn't want them then.
I've always accepted his wonky teeth. However my biggest concern is never having check ups or hygenist. He does brush and I can't see any obvious signs of big issues but to me it's important to check, maintain and prevent plus as a influence on our child.
He can afford it. He just appears negative about paying for a service he doesn't think is needed.
I've hinted heavily, brought leaflets from my dentist home However it is bothering me he won't have even an annual check up. Do I insist or just accept it's his choice regarding check ups and hygienist?

My DH hasn't been in the 24yrs I've known him. He's fine. He's an adult who can make his own decisions.

Surely it's up to him if he sees a dentist? Personally my teeth are dreadful so I have no choice!

I once didn’t go to the dentist for 20+ years, between the ages of maybe 20 and 45? I moved around a lot, didn’t have any problems with my teeth, it didn’t feel like a priority. I brushed them twice daily, flossed occasionally. I only ever got tartar on the bottom / front / inside so bought a tool to scrape that away. I eventually went once I’d settled down, and had a free prescription (the country I live in gives this to women who’ve had a baby). I got one small filling 🤷‍♀️. I’ve give more or less regularly since.

before anyone asks yes my children went to the dentist regularly all through childhood.

It's his choice.

Tell him you don't want him to interfere with you taking your child but you respect his choice. So he needs to keep his opinions to himself.

If his oral hygiene is good, there's not much you can reasonably ask.

I have only seen a dentist twice in my life; when I’ve needed antibiotics when my wisdom tooth has played up.

I do go to a hygienist though, maybe once every 18 months for a proper clean.

Im 47 and I’ve never had an issue with my teeth, they are straight and healthy (only a partially errupted wisdom tooth which gets a bit sore every few years, I can usually manage it myself with salt water, only twice have I needed antibiotics and even the dentist said don’t bother removing).

I don’t see the point in going when all is okay.

I do take my children for checkups once a year though, (I know it should be every six months but it works out every 9- 12 as the dentist doesn’t do weekends and they are in after school club until 5 and the dentist shuts then. So it has to be school holidays and it’s hard to get an appointment in, I am not taking them out of school to check on perfectly healthy teeth, their check ups are literally minutes as their teeth are great).

My dad died age 90, all his own teeth still, never an issue, never set foot in a dentist.

It’s his choice I guess, but saying dentists are a waste of time is pretty ignorant, given how important teeth and gums are. Or maybe he’s just saying they’re a waste of time to justify not paying one to have a look.
I once didn’t go to the dentist for about 4 years. Went to one who told me my teeth were great (me feeling smug at that moment). Then he gave me a severe dressing down over the state of my gums and said there’s no point in having great teeth if your gums can’t hold them in your head. I had no idea my gums were that bad. And so began me paying attention to my teeth AND gums. I’ll forever be grateful to that dentist, even though he did shame me - it was what I needed to take oral health seriously and in time so that I had no lasting effects.

Dentists dont just check teeth and gums, they also check for signs of mouth cancer. It's stupid not to go.

My DH only started going regularly in his late 50s, I have been all my life. Guess which one of us has the shitty gums and teeth and has to wear a partial denture

What influence on your child? If he’s preventing you to go or telling them it’s useless and a waste of time, tell him to pack it in.

If it’s simply by not going, that’s not a thing.

My mum hasn’t been since 1986 as she’s too scared of dentists due to a procedure she had while pregnant with my brother. I’ve tried persuading her but to no avail.

She’s never really had any issues though so hard to persuade her she needs to be checked. She had an issue with a tooth but nothing too painful. Several years later it fell out.

I doubt your son is going to be influenced by your DH not going for check ups. As long as your son is going for his regular check ups he will be fine. I couldn't even tell you if my parents used the dentist when I was a child.
If you share finances I'd be concerned. My DH never (literally never, neglectful parents) went to the dentist until he got toothache in his late 30s. His teeth were a mess and we have spent thousands on them and he still lost a couple.

Do you think the real issue may be fear of the dentist? It's quite common and it may be something he doesn't want to admit.

I do think it's really important and the health of your mouth can have huge knock on effects for things like cardiovascular health. Does he know that it's not just about the teeth themselves?

I am very scared of the dentist which is why the possibility occurred to me. I'm a shivering teary wreck after every appointment but I force myself to go as the effects of gum disease are scarier.

I’m from a generation who received awful dental services, dentists used to be paid by the filling so they drilled anything they could. My unfilled teeth are doing fine, all the problems are with the filled ones. Those have cost me a fortune and they’re not even pretty.

Good dental hygiene and regular professional cleaning is what I’d choose if I didn’t have a legacy of bad dental care.

We don’t have NHS dentists in my area so DH goes to a dentist in Spain on day 2 of our holiday. His checkup costs 25 euros and if he needs treatment it’s a fraction of UK prices.

He's an adult. He can choose for himself, as with any medical treatment or procedures.

There will be a lot of people out there with perfectly good teeth who don't go to dentists on a regular basis. Myself included. If I manage one check up in three years, I call it a win. My teeth are absolutely fine. I have a slight gum recess due to orthodontic treatment but there's been no change in decades and I just make sure I brush and floss as instructed.
It might surprise you but in many European countries it is recommended that women see a gynecologist every 6 months for a check up. I think most people find it equally unnecessary. The 6-monthly dental check up is just a guidance and and risk-based scheduling is perfectly fine.

You chose to marry this man regardless of his teeth, so you are being unreasonable to give him a hard time over it now.

Once they are gone that's it for the rest of your life, they are irreplaceable. Dentists are highly trained professionals and therefore justify the expense I think.

Eww. I would find that so unattractive. Oral hygiene is so important. Gum disease is linked to dementia and cardiovascular diseases. He lives in a country where there is good dental care. How ignorant/tight/scaredy-cat of him to refuse to go. LTB.

If he has no problems why would he need to go to a dentist?

I’ve not had any treatment for years.

i only go because they will knock me off the nhs list if I don’t

Yanbu. Saying dentists and hygienists are a waste of time is a pretty stupid thing to say. He absolutely should be going to both. Dental health affects other health outcomes also.
https://www.theguardian.com/society/2026/may/11/mouth-gateway-body-fascinating-frightening-links-between-gums-health

Teeth and gums are really important and responsible for so much more within your body. For all those poo-pooing going to the dentist I hope it never bites you on the bum!

I find poor dental hygiene a big turn off. I don’t care of you have don’t have pearly white teeth or whether your teeth are wonky, but they need to be clean and your gums need to be looked after. I know access to an NHS dentist is difficult for many, but for someone that can afford to look after his teeth and gums he’s a fool not to go to the dentist.

This sounds a bit like us.

Been married nearly 40 years. When we were first married DH went quite regularly, but after our old dentist retired he never bothered transferring to the new dentist who bought the practice. He cleans his teeth regularly with a manual toothbrush but never flosses and hasn't been to a dentist in, maybe, 25 years and never to a hygienist. However, at 68, he has all his own teeth and appears to have zero problems with them ever and they look OK.

I, on the other hand, have had all sorts of issues over the years despite trying to do all the right things. I have check ups twice a year and hygienist visits in addition to that. I use an electric toothbrush, interdental brushes and floss and also mouthwash.

I don't see why I would nag DH to go to the dentist when he seems to do OK as he is.

Obviously when our DD was a child I took her regularly and as an adult she continues to do so.

Why do you equate poor oral hygiene with not seeing the dentist though? OP doesn’t mention any issues , or teeth that aren’t clean or bad smells. Just that they’re crooked due to him not wanting braces.

This is so familiar! My DH never goes and has lovely teeth, never had an issue with them. I’ve gone regularly all my life and my teeth are goddam awful. Always need something done.

You can have lovely teeth but still have gum disease and those teeth will eventually fall out.