Feeling awful about life

[idontknowb]

Any advice please on what you would do if you were me
please no mean comments I’m on the brink honestly.

im 34. I have 4 children
ages 16, 14, 8, 2
3 eldest children see their dad
my 2 year old also sees his dad he was my recent partner. Was together good while and he turned very abusive. We have a court order.
I have no family. My mum and dad basically have disowned me completely as my dad abuses my mum my whole life and I’ve spoken up time and time again. I have begged her to love me be my friend do things with me go out come round and nothing. It’s killed my soul forever. She’s obviously chosen him. It was my birthday last week and I didn’t even get a happy birthday from them and I cried all day. I have a brother that contacts me once every few months maybe but never visits.
they don’t bother with my children. My eldest visits them off her own accord which I can’t really stop but they have no interest in the others.
im so completely alone in the world. Yes I adore the kids so so much we are so close but I have no adults to have a tea with go out with or talk to. And it’s hard.
the kids have no idea I’m duying inside. I can’t go to a shop without feeling sick to my stomach of sadness and dread.
been to the GP. I’m on meds.
im also in therapy once a week face to face.
I have one friend who is lovely but has a lot of issues so it’s always me helping her.
im a stay home mum until my toddler goes to nursery next year.
I’d love someone for me.

How long have you been on the meds and in therapy for?

Therapy 2 weeks it’s new.
meds - years!! X

Do you think the meds need a review?

How have you found the therapy so far?

Sorry you are feeling so low.

What strikes me is that you keep hoping your family will change and become entirely different people. They won’t unfortunately.

Hopefully your therapy and meds will help you to focus on achievable goals and help you move towards healthier relationships and friendships.

One day at a time.

As someone with no family and extremely small support system I know how hard it is to be in this situation. There are a couple of things I suggest may help you, though not overnight fixes. Are there any nice older neighbours you can make friends with? not looking for babysitting from them or anything but just to share a cuppa and chat. I formed a sort of surrogate family type connection in this way. Its easy to think everyone else has extended family support but its not always the case and you can form unorthodox family type connections. I also found something on Youtube which helped more than any therapy (though don't stop that). Its called the crappy childhood fairy and gave very valuable insight into how the now is affected if you've had a less than desirable childhood. xx

Hi OP, feeling alone and unsupported is very hard and all the harder when images of supportive and loving families are all around us. But I agree with @Lozlegs that not everyone has extended family support. The suggestion about befriending older neighbours is very sound - I am that older neighbour who can’t live a busy life because of health issues, with no nearby family, I’d love to know a young family who I could chat to occasionally, and even help out if we were a good match.

I lived through a very nasty family rift which to sone extent is still ongoing, and I lost my relationship with a sibling, who I loved dearly, in the fallout . The pain of that loss was intense for many years but what helped me in the end was realising that they had their own issues which might not have much, or anything, to do with who I was as a person. Then kind of moving myself to a position where I was proud of myself for managing so much alone with chronic ill health and a difficult and divided family background . Hard to put this into words. It’s not how I expected my life to be when I was younger, but it is what it is, and self- acceptance softens the impact of it all. Your mum likely has her own issues if she stays with a man who abuses her and her treatment of you is extremely likely to be due to those issues.

Your brother contacting you every few months is not close close, but actually not unusual by the standards of adult siblings, and that suggests there’s a relationship there which perhaps you could build on gently. Do you ever invite him round for a visit?

You’re carrying a lot so it’s good you’re having therapy, it will not be a quick fix but it’s worth sticking with it. Hope that it helps.

edited for typo

Do you work? How do you get by with money?

I think the priority right now is calm at home and focus on the therapy.

How long have you got therapy for - is it ongoing? Put all your effort into this to see if it can work for you.

Is there a reason you are a SAHM? If you don't have a ready-made network of friends and family, you are potentially missing out on adult relationships at work as well as the usual stuff of mental challenge, building self esteem, positive routine etc etc. Could you start looking for a job? Being a SAHM can be very challenging from a mental health point of view if you don't have a network of friends and family. Look after yourself and make sure you keep your life as you as well as being a mum.