angry behavior in adult son

[CatsangDogs]

Hi, I'm not sure where else to go to for help. My son 20 years old is constantly in a bad mood and is very down and I don't know how to help him, he has never lashed out at me and I don't think he ever would. His dad left 4 years ago to live with someone else which hasn't helped and he won't go to our GP. He just blows up at the smallest thing and will be screaming and shouting and swearing for example something as small as not being able to find something or if something isn't working. He has never been physical but the aggression when he is shouting is just awful. He said after a blow up a few days ago that he is never happy and his life has no joy in it, he won't go to our GP and because of his age I can't force him and he says he will not go on anti depressants which I can understand. I know with how backed up our NHS is and they have lists of people needing a councillor so that seems a no go, sorry for waffling on but I just want to help him, he is lovely the rest of the time, he just flares up but then it blows over. Thanks in advance for any suggestions.

does he have any grand parents or other relatives who he might unwind with, less likely to blow up

does he work or study?

does he play sport or go to the gym ?

He sounds stressed and unhappy. No job? or does he have a job he dislikes? A girlfriend? No girlfriend? Feeling hopeless of ever owning a house? Worrying about his body image or climate change? Wants to retrain or go back to college? My ds' concerns were with feeling unequal to being an adult. The whole thing just seemed too huge to him (at 16)

When was the last time you had a shared holiday or even a day out. When my ds gets like this, I arrange a day trip with a long drive, and talk while we travel.

Once I'd worked out what was worrying him, we broke it down into pieces, and made a plan of how to deal with each one. Then I helped him get started. Suggested how he could get a job.

They may be six foot tall, and look like men but they really aren't. They're just bigger toddlers. They still need guidance and care, and your ex isn't around so you need to be mum & dad.

Try to get to the bottom of what is worrying him or making him unhappy, and how you can help. Bear in mind he could be feeling massively rejected & hurt by his dad.

Hi @HoraceCope yes he has a job, my dad just passed away, he does have grandparents on his dads side but they stopped speaking to me when his dad left. He gets really snappy if he wants to go out and none of his mates want to, he wants to go and see friends to relax but can't always.

Sorry @HoraceCope no he doesn't go to a gym although I have encouraged him.

Hi @Meadowfinch a lot of the things you said about their worries. I have made plans for us to go out this week, he has no girlfriend and that upsets him, I just want to help him to feel better about himself. His dad leaving was hard and he doesn't bother with him much and that must reakky hurt, his dad isn't allowed to speak to me after marrying the person he ran off with so I can't go to him for help.