To not want ex be messaging about dd's illness

[rughorror]

I am probably being UR, but I'm irritated.

Ex and I divorced 12 years ago and he has seen them eow and 1 night midweek throughout that time. Taken them on holiday about 3 times and described by dc as 'not really a parent.' Doesn't pay anything for them as doesn't earn enough and never buys them anything like clothes, school stuff etc. But they get on with him and he's their dad. I have no contact with him really as they are now older they deal with arrangements themselves.

I have an older ds who started uni this year and has struggled to settle. DC have been easy to bring up really but this last few weeks with ds has been so hard, with tearful phone calls and constant messaging. I reached out to ex as it got to a point when I didn't know how to handle it on my own and what to do for the best. He has been pretty good and done a lot of calling ds and it does seem to have been effective and ds seems to have turned a corner. Ex and I haven't spoken but have messaged more in these few weeks than we have in the whole decade that has just passed. I might add that ex has done more parenting over these weeks than in the last decade, but obviously I haven't said that. I'm pleased we have been able to co-parent when it was really needed too, despite not having done so over the years.

All good, but this weekend dd has a tummy bug and has been throwing up overnight and today. No other symptoms. She has obviously messaged her dad and now I am having a series of message asking how bad she is, what she ate, did I eat the same etc etc. Finally telling me he has told her it will pass soon and she needs to sip fluids! FFS - I don't need this. I have dealt with multiple minor ailments, friendship issues, countless other minor-but-not-to-dc type stuff over the years without ex's support. Now it feels that as he has finally had to break a sweat parenting I am going to need his input over every little thing. I don't. I have replied in a friendly tone but I really don't want to encourage this.

I am BU I suppose but I'm finding this bloody irritating.

You are not being unreasonable I would be furious too.
get ai to send long convoluted explanations of basic concepts (ie sickness bugs) and he’ll soon get very bored

Is ex your son's dad?

Either way it sounds like ex has turned a corner, not just your son. maybe he now sees it is helpful/rewarding to parent. Late. But not too late.

It must be galling but surely two functioning parents are better than one. So, I would not resent it.

Bit irritating but YABU.

He's just concerned and you're not used to the messages.

But if you want him to get in involved with your (his??) DS, then it's probably par for the course.

Just send back “don’t worry not my first rodeo”

Yes, he is ds's dad - I realise I may have made it sound like he's not but it's just 2 kid with the same dad.

What tf is this poll?? You're definitely not being unreasonable. He isn't allowed to swoop in feeling like a knight in shining armour over a couple of things he got involved with. But he also isn't a mindreader so just gently explain that you love that he's supporting his kids directly and that you prefer minimal contact due to your histories. You 'could' get a bit manipulative and tell him you find it difficult because it brings back memories from when he left you to it all these years, but that depends on how much you care about protecting your relationship / his feelings.

So he’s got stuck in once and suddenly he thinks he can write the book on parenting? Yeah, I’d be irritated too, reasonable or not.

It is fucking irritating.

My ex doesn’t really give a shit, then once in a while me or one of the kids will inform him when they are ill or had an accident and he starts imparting all his wisdom from being a care worker for the last year, whereas me with my mere 25 years of parenting day in day out clearly knows fuck all.

Previous shit included "X got a massive bruise on her head when she fell over at football today" and he will reply "you mean ecchymosis" or "Y is really poorly today she has been sick all night so will be off school" and he will reply "Make sure to keep her temperature down and that she is sipping water, no sugary foods".

It gives me the fucking rage. I would love to be less than half arsing parenting but still dishing out advice like I'm a celeb who just pissed on a stick and decided I can now write a parenting book.

YANBU would annoy me too.