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DH flipped at me and said I was accusing him of cheating… I wasn’t! Was I unreasonable to ask?

212 replies

PumpkinBumpkinx · 15/10/2026 21:46

DH has always been very friendly and gregarious. This has led to problems in the past where female friends have messaged me telling me he was being flirty. I don’t mind flirting to be honest, it’s part of his personality.

2 years ago he was back in contact with an old friend. Messages were overly friendly and there was talks of meet ups. They never did. It caused issues in our marriage and he acknowledged he had taken it too far.

Tonight we were driving to the cinema. He told me to use hands free on his phone to call the couple (the male) we were meeting up with. Clicked on it, and a woman’s name I vaguely recognised was in recent contacts. I said, word for word, “oh did you manage to request a change of supervisor to woman’s name?”. He said he’d called her because she had some “gossip” about work. He briefly told me about this gossip. He was quiet after this and just cagey. He said the phone call was only 30 minutes. I said ok. After the cinema he said to me “do you think I’m cheating?”. I said no, I was asking about a phone call, I wasn’t accusing you, I thought it was related to work and just asked. He got annoyed asking if my insecurities were playing up. I said I wasn’t vaguely interested in why he called her, he works with her. He then said “so you think she wants me then? Is that it?”

what in the world just happened?! Am I being unreasonable asking about the phone call, or is his response very odd?

OP posts:
GreenHuia · 15/10/2026 21:49

His response does seem unusual. You asked a specific question about work, I can't see anything there that suggests you were accusing him of cheating.

OldrNWisr · 15/10/2026 21:50

Overreaction due to a guilty conscience?

99bottlesofkombucha · 15/10/2026 21:50

’you know dh, that was a very strange conversation where you attacked me for asking a question. I hadn’t thought twice about that woman being in your contacts but I certainly am now. Is there anything going on?’

Voltorb · 15/10/2026 21:51

The phrase he doth protest too much springs to mind here.

He responded to a simple question as though you thought he was up to something which shows he is most likely up to something.

Littlejellyuk · 15/10/2026 21:51

Sounds dodgy as fook. 💯
Trust your gut
Get your ducks in a row just in case.
🦆🦆🦆
@PumpkinBumpkinx

PumpkinBumpkinx · 15/10/2026 21:52

Closely followed by comments of “ohhh I’m not allowed to work with women or speak to them”

no? I didn’t say that. I admit a 30 minute after work phone call is not something I’d do. But I don’t have any evidence it was inappropriate

OP posts:
andfinallyhereweare · 15/10/2026 21:53

@PumpkinBumpkinx your question was totally reasonable (I mean unless there is a tone you’re not telling us about?) he’s response is suspicious

WitchesCatWhisker · 15/10/2026 21:54

The thing that jumps out to me OP is that women, plural, have contacted you to say he’s been flirty? What is that all about?

glendabrownlow · 15/10/2026 21:57

I think you need to have a good hard think about your DH, OP. As PP have said, he seems guilty of something, to me. And what's with all this flirting and women having to contact you about him? Are you sure that you're not wearing blinkers over his behaviour? Start to make plans, because the reality of who and what he is might start to sink in.

JustAnotherWhinger · 15/10/2026 21:58

His reaction is massively suspicious imo.

Merrybandofpirates · 15/10/2026 21:58

He reacted like that because he was being caught out… at cheating. He’s cheating. Or at least planning on it.

Muffsies · 15/10/2026 22:03

He's been flirty to the point your friends have felt uncomfortable and ended up telling you.

He's been flirty and the woman responded and they almost ended up meeting (how did that get found out btw?)

And now he's called a woman and is being weirdly defensive about it.

I have to say that it doesn't look great. He also has no right accusing you of having "insecurities" when you merely asked a completely neutral question, and he has clearly shown cause for completely justified suspicion in the past.

Yanbu, he needs to apologise and prove he's done nothing wrong.

Sunbringer · 15/10/2026 22:07

I’d say he’s cheated on you multiple times over the years and trained you into thinking you have to be cool about him flirting with your friends.

weareallcats · 15/10/2026 22:13

Very weird reaction. I’d say he’s cheating. Sorry OP.

Ohnobackagain · 15/10/2026 22:15

99bottlesofkombucha · 15/10/2026 21:50

’you know dh, that was a very strange conversation where you attacked me for asking a question. I hadn’t thought twice about that woman being in your contacts but I certainly am now. Is there anything going on?’

This @PumpkinBumpkinx

Muffsies · 15/10/2026 22:15

Sunbringer · 15/10/2026 22:07

I’d say he’s cheated on you multiple times over the years and trained you into thinking you have to be cool about him flirting with your friends.

My impression isn't a guy who is a cereal cheat, i think it's a guy who wants to 'mess around' but is really bad at it and keeps getting found out and thwarted before he can take it further. Hence the tantrum, he's frustrated! A cereal cheat wouldn't have blown-up at her (if it's not normal for him to act in anger), a practiced cheat doesn't care enough and will generally just style it out and pretend it's nbd.

LizandDerekGoals · 15/10/2026 22:17

Wow. Yes he is acting guilty.

He got annoyed asking if my insecurities were playing up.

iveryseldomfollowit · 15/10/2026 22:24

@PumpkinBumpkinx what if you had answered, yes, I think she wants you?

Would that have been the confirmation he needed to go for it?

He seems to be talking to you as though he is single and you’re his mate not his wife.

ProfessorRedshoeblueshoe · 15/10/2026 22:24

OldrNWisr · 15/10/2026 21:50

Overreaction due to a guilty conscience?

This

Clarinet1 · 15/10/2026 22:31

Sorry - Cereal Cheat? Do you mean he’s having Rice Krispies instead of or as well
as Shredded Wheat?

iveryseldomfollowit · 15/10/2026 22:46

@PumpkinBumpkinx why do you think your H needs so much female attention and is happy to embarrass you by flirting with your friends to get this?

Your marriage should be just about you and him. No flirting with others. The more I think about your H acting this way, bad enough so your friends are uncomfortable enough they have to text you about it, the more he is giving me the ick. His behaviour is disgusting whether he has actually cheated or not.

I feel sorry for you and embarrassed for you. He’s a creep round females and you seem to allow him to be.

YABU to yourself to put up with this.

Piglet89 · 15/10/2026 22:52

Clarinet1 · 15/10/2026 22:31

Sorry - Cereal Cheat? Do you mean he’s having Rice Krispies instead of or as well
as Shredded Wheat?

No; he’s hoping one of the many women he’s flirting with is gonna coco pop his crunchy nuts.

CalmTheFuckDownMargaret · 15/10/2026 23:22

My ex accused me of flirting with a guy (to my astonishment) and I later found out he’d been cheating at exactly that time himself. My instinct was that his behaviour about this was weird. I was right. When their own minds are filled with cheating stuff, it leaks.

WhatDoRacoonsSay · 15/10/2026 23:28

Di you not think it's grim that he's so, "flirty", that other women have told you,
He's probably making them feel really uncomfortable, that's seriously awful behaviour.

BoredZelda · 15/10/2026 23:38

WhatDoRacoonsSay · 15/10/2026 23:28

Di you not think it's grim that he's so, "flirty", that other women have told you,
He's probably making them feel really uncomfortable, that's seriously awful behaviour.

Yep. If I’m telling a wife that, it’s not because I like it.