Why are (some) men so unsympathetic?

[PistachioTiramisu]

I've just come back from a long and quite upsetting eye test, and have been told I have a couple of conditions which may need treatment in the near future. I'm also having an anxiety episode at the moment which makes me feel sick, shaky and unwell. I came home and told DH what had happened, and that I feel like I'm old and falling apart - I had a few tears and felt quite upset. All he can say is that 'it's all in your head'. I wish he could be more sympathetic or am I expecting too much?

AIBU - Don't be silly and just get on with it yourself.
AINBU - That was mean, a kind word or two would have been appropriate.

I'm sorry you're having a difficult time but this thread isn't about "(some) men" at all.

It's about your husband.

Has he always been as dismissive as this or is it a new development?

So your complaint is about your husband, not (some) men in general?

Well he certainly isn't very nice or kind.
I hope you feel better soon.

Because a lot of them actually dont like women as people (something they probably dont even realise themselves) and society has normalised this attitude for so long we have twisted ourselves in knots to justify men looking at a women cry and getting irritated/brushing it off as 'well they were never taught emotions growing up' as if we aren't surrounded by films and tv where human beings comfort each other when someone's upset. Oh and women are even in on it - your husband can not bother to get you a card for your birthday every year even after you've expressed that it would mean do much to you, and it would take two seconds of effort in order to make the person you claim to love smile, and other women will still tie themselves in knots to claim him taking the bins out is a sign he loves you and therefore you dont need any actual affection.
Sorry. I know thats not a nice answer. He's a dick, OP.

Sorry that your husband was like that. I don't think you're expecting too much, for someone who should be your nearest and dearest to support you and be kind. I reckon many total strangers would have been kinder to you.

Yes, never one for sympathy. more a 'pull yourself together' type of person. To give him his due, he has just said to me 'don't worry about your eyes' so that's something I suppose!

You're right - sorry!

Exactly. Sorry your husband is like that but it's not a trait specific to men ime

You're not unreasonable to want a partner who is sympathetic.

You are being a bit unreasonable to expect someone who has never been the sympathetic type to suddenly change and become sympathetic.

He means that he doesn't have any problems with his eyes, and therefore no-one has problems with their eyes, and if anyone says they do, they are making it up. So could you please shut up? You're not a real person, anyway, you're just something that's there to serve him, so could you stop being a nuisance to him and go and make dinner?

Everyone needs a hug now and again, pity your husband isn't the type to give you comfort when needed.
If he has always been a cold fish, it seems that's his nature.
I hope you have friends and family who are a bit more understanding.

More likely he means that he’s conditioned as a man to be stoic, and solution oriented, and not share emotions so he acts like that with others as well as himself.

Having been misdiagnosed and mis-prognosed by the NHS so many times, I totally ignore ‘it might happen. ’

Best just wait and see, unless you need to actually do anything. 😉

Should she LTB forthwith?

Op are you a person who always looks on the dark side. I ask this because my wife is increasingly getting that way...catastrophises ever little event and to be honest its starting to get wearing trying to get her to think more positively about things. Have you both fallen into that round of thinking.

You have conditions that "may need treating " so they are not so bad that there's a major risk to your sight.

So you've told him and he's been dismissive. Which isn't good if this is a one off. But if everyday there's something else you're worried about he could have emotional fatigue over it all

You felt sick, shaky and unwell because you might or might not need treatment in the future.

I get you said you have anxiety but do you think he feels like you’re catastrophising because of it?

And a lot of women don’t like men. Mumsnet is full of them

I agree.

Please look into the charity helplines for the potential conditions. They are there to support people in your position. The mental impact of a potentially life changing condition is often minimised and it shouldn't be.

Yes, but there’s definitely a trend on here where posters try to elevate something to do with their specific spouses to a general principle. ‘Men can’t see dirt!’ ‘Men can’t multi-task!’ ‘Men are simple souls!’

Sorry about eye thing, OP. Look after yourself.💐