To expect my senior manager to have worded this a bit differently?!

[Workcomplaint26]

I was off work for the past two days due to illness - pretty sure it was norovirus and I felt absolutely dreadful. I was in no state to work.

I knew I had a meeting with a particular stakeholder on Monday and assumed my manager would have covered me (she’s usually ‘on it’ with things like this).

My manager did attend the call but wasn’t up to speed and didn’t give accurate updates, so a meeting was re-scheduled for this morning. My senior manager was also invited by this stakeholder, who it was clear within minutes of it starting was unhappy.

My senior manager, who is generally quite ‘direct’, challenged this stakeholder and explained I was unexpectedly absent. Their exchange then went something like this:

Stakeholder - I would expect there to have been a handover.
Senior Manager - she was unexpectedly absent.
Stakeholder - in my department, this wouldn’t happen and if someone’s absent and there’s an important meeting, they’d ensure they were correctly represented.
Senior Manager - for goodness sake, she was pissing out of her arse, what did you expect her to do.

All present were women, it is a corporate company and there’s a sort of ‘say it as it is’ culture, but within respectful boundaries.

AIBU to feel a bit put out by the comment? I did mention to my Manager who felt she was just sticking up for me and not to read anything in to it.

I mean, yeah it would have been better to word it nicely and professionally but at least she had your back tbf.

If that’s the level of “professionalism” that your senior manager typically shows, I’m not surprised the stakeholder was displeased.

Yeah I thought you were going to say she threw you under the bus but she had your back and although not very professionally worded I would take it.

YABU because this obviously never happened.

That’s horrifying, very disrespectful to you and the stakeholder!

Your senior manager has your back!

I think your manager was frustrated that the stakeholder couldn't see that sometimes it isn't practical to give an update when taking leave. I like your manager. It wasn't sophisticated but it got the point across.

Rather a manager like that than someone who threw me under the bus!

She tried to explain politely but the steakholder continued to be obtuse, sometimes the truth is the only option, there was literally nothing you could have done.

Very unprofessional but I'd prefer a manager like this than one who would throw me under the bus.

Yes could have been a bit more delicately put. But I bet your manager is a riot on a night out.
Stakeholder manager sounds a bit up her own one, if you don't mind me saying.

It wasn't a particularly professional turn of phrase but at least it was well intentioned

Really a grown adult shouldn’t need it explained to them that ‘unexpectedly absent’ means either off sick or bereaved, and won’t be thinking about work! She’ll remember now though.

Actually I think this is brilliant. The stakeholder was being obtuse. Yes, in an ideal world there’s always a backup ready to go when someone is sick. In reality, that’s not always practical. A professional understands this. If someone behaves like they’re thick they shouldn’t be surprised when others treat them like it.

She might not be Oscar Wilde, but she sounds like a good leader.

I'd love to say something similar to some of my 'stakeholder'. More like steak knives that they'll use to stab you in the back!

If this is true both were behaving unprofessionally although I would have found your manager’s comment funny. I appreciate you didn’t though. At least she had your back!

Your senior manager can come and work at my firm anytime. The stakeholder sounds insufferable.

I disagree that she was having your back, surely as your manager she should already know what’s going on with your work so she was diverting from that by saying why your were absent. I would be upset by the oversharing of my private information.

completely agree

Actually this is exactly what my director would say in the same situation and it’s exactly how I would want it to be.

I would be really embarrassed if I learnt my manager had backed me up using those words. Fine to say I’m ill, even to say suspected norovirus, but “pissing out of her arse”. Very unprofessional.

A woman after my own heart. I could have done with a manager like that.

Absolute hero of a manager and I hope my team knows I have their back like this.

My manager would say something like this - one of the best I've ever had. Say it like it is, at the end of the day!

It's good that your manager stuck up for you, but I voted YANBU because of the swearing. In the immediate office, yes swearing is probably ok but it's not ok in wider meetings and especially not ok with external clients (stakeholder) as it comes across as unprofessional.

Why didn't she just sat, "she was ill"? Although the stakeholder is clearly a bit thick not to infer that an unexpected absence probably means ill.