To feel so stuck?

[squashedalmondcroissant]

I’ve been having ongoing issues at work for months now - it’s becoming an increasingly toxic workplace for me.

I’ve been on a performance plan for the last 3 months, instigated by other colleagues making complaints about me. Minor things, some that partly come down to miscommunication but I do accept that some of these had merit. A very close family member of mine has been in and out of hospital and was very seriously ill so I have been depressed and a bit distracted, and I do accept that.

However since learning about these complaints and being put on the performance plan I have really pulled my socks up and have been bending over backwards and working so hard to try and keep everyone happy and smooth everything over. My final review came and went and it’s now been extended by another 2 months and it’s just completely broken me and killed my confidence. My manager even said they were really delighted with my progress and that they were happy. So I don’t understand why on earth it has been extended?!

The last few months have been awful, I’m so paranoid and feel like everyone hates me and now despite doing everything I can and doing everything right they still aren’t happy. I feel like everyone is spying on me all the time and if I’m not 100% perfect then people are gleefully jumping on the chance to add more fuel to the fire and complain again. I don’t know if I have it in me to smile and be pleasant to everyone for another 2 months knowing they are all doing this.

It’s gotten so bad I’m considering getting myself signed off sick because I just can’t bear going in any more but I feel like this would just exacerbate things and make them hate me more for being off work. I’ve even considered trying to injure myself to have a good ‘excuse’ to have time off. I’ve been looking for other jobs but everything is either minimum wage or part time and I just can’t afford to intentionally do that.

I don’t know what to do. I’m so desperate to leave but I’m worried that my mental health will continue to crumble if I stay. DP and I are saving for a house and I don’t want to disappoint him. I haven’t told him about what’s going on because I’m embarrassed and ashamed it’s gotten to this point but he knows I’m not happy.

Do I leave with nothing else to go to and just accept that I might have to take something worse or pull myself together and make the best of it?

Are you able to look for another job? Sometimes performance plans are needed BUT they should be handled professionally and transparently, and constructive dismissal is illegal. I’d get signed off sick if it’s making you this anxious and use the time to find another job.

I am actively looking for another job, I actually got really close but just lost out on one recently. I think that has also knocked me because I feel like while that possibility was still there I had hope that things might get better and now I just am faced with more of the same or worse. I live in a very seasonal town so there aren’t many jobs around that I can do (that I have the experience/qualifications for) and those there are are mostly part time.

It honestly feels like bullying at this point. Half of the time I’m not even told what the ‘problems’ are. One of them seems to be that the other (junior) staff are getting annoyed and resentful of the fact I earn fractionally more than them but they are all part time and have less responsibilities - how is that my fault?! When I had my last review meeting I was left hanging for weeks waiting for a response as to what the next step might be. The only reason it happened when it did was because I lost my cool a bit over the frustration with it all.

If there have been no other issues in the plan period you should be signed off. If they extend it without an issue having happened then they’ve basically given you a plan that is not fit for purpose.

I would question that politely, letting them know the impact it is having, then I would contact HR if you are at an impasse