To work for the sake of working?

[ItsTheCatalyticConverter]

I don’t know how to put this without coming across as lazy, like I’m showing off or something - as I’m really trying not to.

I haven’t worked full time since my DS1 (9) was born. We scraped by to start with, and I’ve had various part time jobs which I’ve had to leave due to redundancy/COVID/MH issues. I was a dental nurse before children and the pay was barely above minimum wage for a high stress job, I did try going back part time to it in 2023 and I think it’s contributed to my MH breakdown (I ended up sectioned for 2 months)

DH has done fantastic in his career, he is now in the top 5% of earners. We live a fairly modest life so we are comfortable. My youngest DC has just started school, and I’ve found a job. It’s minimum wage but the shifts are fairly short, it’s very close which is handy as we are rural and not much work in a 5-10 mile radius, and so far I quite like it. It also closes for summer which is a bonus for childcare.

But I’m just wondering is there any point working for the sake of working when it’s just taking me away from being able to do all the school runs so relying on my parents, and the housework is never ending meaning I’ve been doing it on weekends. I’ll average about £150-£200 a week depending on shifts. It’s never going to be megabucks, or a career. It’s more a “gets me out and gets me pocket money” kind of thing. Would I be better using my time to study or something and re train? I’m nearly 40.

what do you think?

I do feel it's important you do something, and with a plan for moving forward and a purpose once the kids are a bit older.

So I support the job you are doing now to get out and be doing something, but studying or volutneering to build skills for a few years time is probably more valuable for you given you have the opportunity.

Surely if you are only earning that amount you are only doing about 15 hours a week, so should have plenty of time left during the week to do whatever you want? But if you prefer and can afford it, do something else - study, charity, whatever?

Well, depends on your priorities.

i think there’s definitely merit in staying employed. You might need to work in the future (needing a second income, seperation, god forbid something happens to your husband so he can’t work) and it’s a lot easier to get employment if you have recent employment.

but also, maybe it will be good for you to get out of the house, see other adults, feel you are making a contribution financially other than the unpaid labour of managing a household and children? It would be good for me, but I know we are all different.

Haven’t voted as I wasn’t sure which way round it was but if you enjoy it as you seem to say, then do it. Sounds like an ideal stepping stone to getting back to work after a long career break. Part time, summer holidays free, local, and you have family nearby who are willing and able to help,out. It can’t be too many hours at £150-200 per week so you should have plenty of time during the week once you get in the swing of it, and anyway it’s normal for couples to do housework at the weekends. It sounds like you haven’t been doing this job for long and are enjoying it so why are you already reconsidering? Do you have something in mind that you want to retrain as?

Working is not always just for the money. It’s also for having a place to go, a schedule, a reason to put on nice clothes. It’s social interaction too and the chance to have something for yourself that isn’t related to the role of being a mother or a wife. Then there is the sense of achievement if you do it well or if you progress. You learn skills, you have more varied conversations with other adults, you may find new friends, your horizons expand. You also have a level of independence from a financial point of you which isn’t something to dismiss. This may or may not be for you, but there is a variety of reasons why working can be a really good and it’s not just simply working for the sake of working.

I am in a similar position in that DH is a higher earner, I have a history of MH issues and we don't need me to work for the money. Youngest has just started school and I've decided against working, and have just started a 4 year Masters with the OU (but part time, so it will take longer than that). For me that is more satisfying than doing the kind of low paid work that I'd be able to get in the current circumstances, and offers more flexibility as I don't want to have to rely on childcare during school holidays.

I think working can be satisfying for a lot of people and provide structure and social contact, but for me I get social contact in other contexts like art and gym classes, and I prefer to manage my own time so I don't need that through work. It's good that your work doesn't need you to work during the summer but there are school holidays at Easter and Christmas and I like being able to spend time with my dcs then, we often go to special Christmas events etc - there's an opportunity cost in being at work and it's good to examine what else you could/would be doing with your time.

If you have the finances and time to retrain I think it's worth investigating the options at local colleges or distance learning. Perhaps you could get a few sessions with a life coach to generate some goals, rather than sticking to a job that is just convenient and local. I'm finding the OU to be really good with flexibility and understanding the needs and would really recommend it.

I think doing something to keep your hand it work is a good idea, what if you NEEDed to go back to work in a few years? You’d be so out of the loop and unconfident. Maybe a part time course and 10 hours a week shifts?

im a recent sahm and have taken on a few days a week much sooner than I expected as I was approached for a temp job. I’ll likely stop working again and then start a masters but I don’t find I have a lot of time between 9-3 when I don’t have the kids! I do a few yoga classes, make dinner, see friends for coffee and do life admin… times up!

DH and I always wanted (and needed) to do the school runs ourselves so we worked around this. My part time job finished at 2:30pm so I could pick the children up from school myself. I would be bored if I didn't work, but I would work around school hours.