14 month old waking us up every 45 minutes

[elm26]

Genuinely don’t know what to do, we are so sleep deprived it’s ruining our marriage.

DS is still in with us (we live in a 2 bed) because he cries and whinges every 45 minutes. He’s not even awake or if he is, it’s for a split second.

He will scream/cry/whinge for about 10 seconds every 45 minutes - 1 hour from around 11pm.

I feel like it’s torture because I can’t even comfort him/help with any pain etc as he’s asleep.

DD3 has gone from sleeping 7-7 in her own room to being terrified of being alone and running into us and getting into our bed when she wakes up and she’s exhausted from preschool and being woken up every hour too.

DH and I are bickering a lot, trying to keep business running and to do things with DD & DS but everything feels exhausting when we are this tired.

What can I do? DD was sleeping through from 5 months, went into her own room from 7/8 months.

I can only briefly relate to this. We were on holiday and sharing the one hotel room with our baby and I realised we were all waking each other. Any murmur from anyone woke up everyone else. My H snoring woke the baby. The baby stirring woke us etc.. Even for a few nights it was exhausting. In the end I moved the baby’s cot into the bathroom each night and that’s where the baby slept. We all then slept through the night. Bliss!

Is there anywhere you could move the cot to? You’d be surprised by how much the adults wake the baby up too.

If the baby doesn't need help getting back to sleep then sounds like everyone would be better off if the baby was in a different room?

I'm going to go against everyone so far. My son was like that at his age. He's 3 in February and I'm still cosleeping. He's slept through the night 8.30pm to 8am since before 2. I actually just invested in a superking (with seperate single duvets - gamechanger!) so we are all comfortable cosleeping. I get a solid 8 to 9 hours sleep every single night and I don't know a single other mum in my position. All they talk about is poor sleep and i actually just keep quiet during such conversations. I absolutely know this wouldn't be the case if he was in his own room. He woke at 7.30am yesterday and I was so annoyed it was too early 🤣 as he absolutely never wakes before our 8am alarm. If your kid is sensitive in other ways I would look to learning about highly sensitive people. Their nervous systems are wired differently it explains the easy wakes but as I've found if you absolutely nuture such a nervous system then it's huge rewards! It will settle but the sleep deprivation is a killer I remember it well

Same here - my 2 year old will stay asleep when me or her dad sleep next to her.

Earplugs? The baby is right there you will hear them if they properly wake up and your daughter runs in when awake. If that feels risky the adults take it in turns to wear earplugs and be off duty. I use the Wax ones to stop DP waking me up in the night snoring.
Even better:
Baby in the second bedroom, older child in with you. It's not for ever so don't panic about the backwards step. We called it "the path of least resistance" when raising our babies. Do what gets you the best sleep now. No one is co sleeping at 16 😂 and off you don't do something you may explode the marriage....

Someone should be going in with your DD rather than her coming in with you to disturb her sleep less. If her room doesn’t work with a double get a try for bed. My son had one and although he sleeps independently with no issues it’s a lifesaver when he’s ill. Loop earplugs for whoever is with baby

I agree with splitting forces - one of you sleeps in with DD on whatever kind of bed you can put in her room. Then she’ll be less disturbed and less tired.

One of you (ideally you) sleeps with DS in your bed and he may be less likely to wake and make those noises.

(Edit - I said ideally you with DS as I think it’s considered safer for the mother to co sleep but if I’ve forgotten the guidance over the years forgive me!)

Sympathy though as my dd used to wake us during the night until she was 5 (!) by kicking off her covers and making a loud moaning noise in her sleep. She wouldn’t actually wake up so wouldn’t pull the covers back on but would just making a moaning noise until one of us went in there and put them back on.

I tried every trick in the book to basically tie the covers in - I think I tried sleeping bags and all sorts!

I think she just grew out of it in the end!

Have your DD sleep in your room and your DS in the second bedroom.

Can't one of you be in the room with the baby and the other be on an airbed in the lounge and take it in turns? Seems mad to both be sleep deprived . . ..
The older child just needs putting back into her own room, she'll get used to sleeping through.

I’m not sure I really understand the issue here. If the baby is waking everyone up, then put the baby elsewhere? Even if he has a travel cot in the hallway or something that you can move him to when you go to bed?

DD coming into your room in the middle of the night is a separate issue which you could probably deal with better if you weren’t so sleep deprived!