Is there a right and wrong here, re miscommunication?

[RVectensian]

I'll attempt to summarise.

It is my third child's birthday next week. So on Sunday, we are going for a day out...due to the area we live in we will be out from around 0730 to 1730.

We also have a dog. Obviously he cannot be left for that long, and where we are going isn't feasible for him to come too.

Therefore, about 3 weeks ago DH and I had a conversation around booking him in to the dog boarder he has been to before, for the night before and then collect when we get back on the Sunday evening. We talked through timings etc.

From my point of view, DH was going to arrange that. Reasons being, he is his friend/contact, made the arrangements last time, had the number in his phone next to him, I've never met him. I thought he'd have messaged there and then.

From his point of view, I never asked him to book it, so I assume that he assumed I would.

To my mind, I do everything for all of the kids' birthdays and Christmas etc, have sorted all the logistics and bookings for this day out, sorted all the presents etc. This was one thing he could do to contribute. (He is an active, involved dad, this isn't meant to stretch into a broader criticism or him.) To his mind, the fact I organised everything else means he assumed I'd do this too.

This only came to light last night when I asked what time he had agreed with the boarder, to which he said he hadn't spoken to him, why would he, we hadn't agreed that, I hadn't asked him to etc. He didn't like being made to feel he should have done it when we hadn't explicitly agreed he would.

So he did text last night, and of course the boarder is full and can't help. So now we are stuck.

I am brimming over with annoyance internally (not helped by said child having a dental infection and refusing antibiotics, not sleeping etc) and I don't know if I am unreasonable in feeling that way. I know I need to move on and sort something, but bar one of us staying home I can't think how just yet.

Nah this is literally 6 of one. But you're frustrated because you do everything else.

Sit down together and come up with a better split for everything else.

Is a walker an option?

You both thought the other was going to do it and should have both communicated better, though I can see why it’s annoying when you do everything else. Can you move the day out to when the boarder is free?

His logic shows his double standard - he thinks that because he wasn’t explicitly asked, he shouldn’t be expected to do it. But he didn’t explicitly ask you, and yet expected you to do it, like everything else, which I assume you also do without him specifically asking.

Brimming over is extremely OTT. You both screwed this up equally

Just sounds like a completely normal misunderstanding. No need for all the ruminating and angst.

I think if I'd ever had communication with the boarder in the past I'd understand why he might think I would, but that's always been his domain.

But then, if I hadn't found a day we could all do (3 busy teens as well, plus work rotas) then booked entry tickets, lunch, ferries etc and bought presents then there wouldn't be much of a celebration...and he never 'asked me' to do that, so I don't know how he thinks all these things miraculously happen. Maybe I'm holding onto more resentment about the broader 'mental load' than I thought.

I don't think there is time to find a walker and introduce them etc, I just don't know. Maybe I need to drink some tea and try not to think about it for a bit. Having been racing around all morning for emergency dental appointments after no sleep due to said dental issue, only for child to refuse the antibiotics anyway, to receive only a screenshot of the boarder saying he didn't have space with no attempt at any suggested resolution just sent me over the metaphorical edge.

I think of he'd been more "ah shit, I hadn't realised I was meant to, let me try him now" as against "why would I do that? We never agreed that" etc was just a bit galling.