To feel uncomfortable by these type of posts as a mum of a boy?

[Diamondsandflowersplease]

I follow an influencer on Instagram who has recently had a baby boy and today did a post addressed to ‘girl mums’ about how she was raising her boy with their daughters in mind and that it’s not a girls responsibility to protect themselves against boys who weren’t taught better. And underneath there are comments from mums of girls thanking her on behalf of their daughters.

Now of course I 100% agree that we need to make sure that boys (and girls) are bought up to respect boundaries , consent etc but something about these type of posts really get my back up as a mum of a boy.

I’m not even sure if I can articulate what it is that annoys me - perhaps it just feels very performative? But it makes me feel very protective of my sweet & loving boy and so sad that other parents might look at him and feel like their girl needs ‘protecting’ from him.

I suppose overall I do feel like there is a narrative that girls are superior to boys - I’ve had girl mums say to my face they never wanted a boy when I’m standing there holding my son, even my own sister was watching my son play in the garden turned round to me and smugly told me she was so relieved to be having a girl. So this just like another way to differentiate between boys and girls.

Not sure if I’ve really explained this right but does anyone else feel similar ?

But it is males who predominantly harm females. And other males.

So, yes, teaching them not to from an early age is a good idea.

Hmm I have sons but it is a fact men are a danger to women.

Your second point is valid. It's fine for women to prefer daughters but they then don't like it when men express a preference for sons. That doesn't make sense.

Wow! What an odd post. All you need to do @Diamondsandflowersplease is make sure you bring up your sweet boy to be kind, compassionate and respectful to all and jobs a goodun

I do see what you mean. I look at my little boy, just about the sweetest, kindest chap in the world in my opinion, and it makes me so sad that people think that way… but then I look at my daughter and think it’s a lot fucking sadder that people feel that way because of the appalling risks towards women from men, and clearly something must change to see any improvement. It’s a hard one to balance. But no, I don’t see it as a bad thing that mums are consciously trying to raise men who are not a danger to women.

The thing is most rapists and murderers were once someone’s sweet baby boy.

Boys need to be brought up not to harm girls but also we should be protecting them from harmful male influence from a young age.

I have 2 DS and a DD. I think you need to get over yourself - my DD was sexually assaulted when she was 18 by someone else’s “precious son”. Am sure his mother had absolutely no idea what her son would do.

Don’t follow influencers if you don’t want to hear their opinions on things. Isn’t that the whole point of them? They are influencing. It’s like watching adverts and then complaining because you want to eat a KFC.

I wouldn’t follow any influencer but if I did I wouldn’t follow one who said stuff like that. Definitely not is they said ‘girl mum’.

I thought most people wanted a boy as an aside. If my sister had said that to me I would have said something like ‘that’s good then’.

I don’t think there can be any dispute about the fact that women and girls need protection from men and boys.

If you don't like people being performative following influencers on Instagram is a really bad move.

You are "not my nigelling" your son.

YOU don't think YOUR son would ever do anythign wrong, that is for OTHER sons. However, every other mum of boys thinks the same.

But a LOT of sons are hurting women in a thousand ways, from not proactively being a good person, to full on rape or murder. So whose sons is it?

OP you must understand. See this thread on MN at the moment. How many of these men were sweet baby boys once upon a time? Obviously I am NOT saying your son will be like these men. I am saying you can surely understand the issue?

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5586183-to-be-absolutely-fed-up-with-male-violence?page=14&reply=155254637&utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=share

I don't think you'll get much support on Mumsnet. There are plenty of threads implying that males are all rapists waiting for an opportunity to attack - whether they're 5 or 50.

You're better off ignoring them, and staying away given the damaging influence of those comments on your son.

I have a son, i am absolutely raising him to recognise the sex based inequality in our society. I don't post about it on social media though

it is very performative. Surely most parents try and do this without the drama? No ones out there thinking they'll raise an abusive boy are they

Perhaps read the thread I linked above, to remind yourself that the threat is real. Idiotic to say otherwise.

It's not all men but it is always men

This is more about your insecurities than anything else

Every man who assaults, rapes, and/or kills women is someone's 'precious son.' Often a son who was never told no.

Some mothers are delusional about their adult sons. Just look at Chris Watts' mother, for instance.

Yes, it’s nonsense. Her son will not thank her for it and his purpose in life is not to be a bit player in a girls world.

I think most rapists and murderers weren’t someone’s sweet boy.

I have a boy. Due to my second baby soon - not sure if another boy as I am not fussed and happy with either. hoping for healthy.

I love my son and being a 'boy mum' .

But, we need to be realistic and realise some behaviours do stem from childhood and our parenting, what they are exposed to etc. being in denial of that can be part of the issue unfortunately.

I only have a ds. He is sweet, funny, kind, intelligent. I wouldn't change him for the world and he doesn't have a nasty bone in his body.

The current climate of Andrew Tate, the Cornell 7, VAWG etc is inevitably feeding the conversation on needing to teach boys consent & respect, and that's a good thing.

The thing is, any decent parent was already doing that, regardless of their child's sex. My ds knew to do his own washing and cooking before he went to uni. He knew to respect others personal space & privacy from a very early age.

The influencer who is spouting about teaching her son about respect and consent - is she also talking about nutrition, and regular nappy changes, a sleep routine etc. Because they are all equal parts of being a good mum. If not, her posts are just performative, self indulgent nonsense.

Ignore her. You know the virtues and value of your own child.

I feel it’s 90% the father’s role in modelling correct behaviour for their sons. It is odd saying ‘I’ll raise my son in a way he won’t be a threat to women’! You can only do so much against peers and societal norms, but I’m not sure how active the process is as it is bringing up our children, girls and boys, to respect each other. I’ve seen many a manipulative girl in my son’s life too. My uni aged daughter is already fairly anti male due to her general experience of them (she’s not had a romantic relationship yet, and surprisingly, neither has the majority of her friends). Mind you she’s also anti females too - just not into people!
But as for posting about it? Yes that sounds performative plus goodness her baby is a newborn - talk to me when the child is 18!

Being a decent, well balanced, respectful human being doesn't make you a bit player in someone else's world.

Women who talk about being a 'boy mum' or 'girl mum' are part of the problem of genderification that ultimately leads to male violence against women. We need to hold boys and girls to the same standards of behaviour and we need to drop gender stereotypes, we can't assume their interests based on what is between their legs. And women need to marry men that set a good example by doing their share of the housework and childcare and support their wives in their career.

In addition, male violence is a problem that men need to address as part of masculine culture. Mothers can't sort it alone, if we could, why do so many violent men kill thir mothers?