Starting life again at 40

[Krispykrem]

So I’ve turned 40. Single again. No kids.

I have freedom. What to do with it?

I feel stuck and utterly miserable in my life and I want to start living again. Where do I begin? What do I do? How to meet new people? Do I even dare to date again?

I’m looking for inspiring experiences x

Do whatever you want to do! First evaluate what you do have.

Travel, start a new job/career, volunteer at a charity you enjoy, move house, start new hobby or join a group related to something you enjoy, such as singing or reading.

I know nothing about dating so I'll leave that to others but joining stuff will lead to meeting people with similar interests.

Have fun!

Quit work and travel.

https://www.workaway.info/

I got divorced at 40. I was on anti-depressants & exhausted.

At first I just challenged myself to keep working, to keep myself clean & fed & to get out every day. I joined groups for stuff I was interested in, & set myself daft goals that would encourage me to do stuff at weekends.

There were Paddington statues all over London at the time, I got a map & visited all of them. That took me to a lot of parts of London I’d never seen before.

A friend gave me a book with a different thing to do / place to see in London over a year & I did some on my own, suggested others to her or to people I met in hobby groups.

It doesn’t sound like much but at the time I just needed something structured & simple, & this worked.

I can’t help you with dating because 13 years on I’m happy just living with my cat.

I hit married at 40 and went on to have two kids. 40 was definitely a turning point!
The thing is money. We’d all love to quit work, travel, learn a language, get stuck into a hobby, whatever. I’d be signing up for those week long immersive cooking classes or painting or whatever floats your boat. It will get you out of your head yet still let you keep your job so you have food on the table!
Do something just for you, in other words.

Travel, every time. It’s not just a cliché, it really does broaden the mind.

Good for you

I’d love to meet someone but lost faith

I think we need more info OP to give good advice. Are there any parts of your life that you are happy with? How are your job, finances, living situation, friendships, family relationships? Do you actually want kids/a partner? If the answer is yes then I don’t think you should give up, 40 isn’t automatically too late.

My advice would be different if you feel you’ve got most of the rest of your life in place but are longing to create a family, vs eg you feel like you can make your peace with not having children but you’re very bored at work.

Don't worry too much about meeting someone until you're feeling better about yourself. Take the pressure off 🙏🏻

It depends a bit on what your circumstances of 'single again' mean. Have you had a string of failed relationships, or broken up with your LT DP? Have you ever spent some time by yourself, or have you actually spent more time single that partnered up over the years? Do you enjoy your job and have good prospects, or is it just a way of putting a roof over your head? Is there anything you've always dreamed of doing - travelling around SE Asia, learning another language, retraining, etc? Are you financially comfortable or living month to month? Are you happy with your health and fitness? Do you have a good group of friends? You say you feel stuck and miserable, but what is it about your life that is making you feel like that? People will be able to give much more helpful suggestions if you give a bit more info.

I was single in my 40s. Met DP few years later. I travelled lots to see friends. Took myself on date days/ nights. Joined hobbies. but I like my own company.

occassionally I do say to DP I want a weekend by myself. No plans and to things myself. He is happy to let me and entertains himself.

enjoy your free time

Not 40 yet but after an awful time and experiencing burnout I’ve started studying for a qualification that will help with a career change and joined a book club to meet new people.

Does studying or joining a club appeal to you?

What did you study?

I am a completely different person to when I was forty. I was still so young then lol. I’m now so much more the “real” me rather than the socially acceptable version.
I took up yoga, loved it, became a yoga teacher which got me studying again, was then brave enough to do my PhD finally. I now live by the sea, have an amazing lover, am openly a staunch feminist, love my work, am fitter than I’ve ever been before and calmer/more at peace too. I don’t people please, and I don’t let myself be diminished by anyone.

Life is so damn short, be open to possibility.

Something like this ^^

I can't tell you my story because it is outing. But suffice to say what kind of human journey/path would give you peacefulness, calmness, freedom and happiness.
Think about it and inspiration will come!

@Krispykrem a HR course - level 3 people practice. It’s been nice to learn new things and having deadlines etc lessens the feeling of life passing me by.

I’m enjoying all your replies, thank you.

I’d like a career change but have no idea what I could do. I still need to work I’m not a millionaire unfortunately!

I thought I met someone but it was a bad break up. He’s ruined my faith, I thought he was a good guy but he wasn’t.

I’d been single and dating for a few years but so many, maybe all, had issues - rebounding, divorced, baggage, a few porn addicts etc. I had a long term relationship end years ago as he started to change and became controlling and abusive. I can’t seem to meet anyone normal (appreciate no one is normal!), I’m not exactly looking for Brad Pitt (well look how he turned out lol).

I’ve done a lot of work on myself and I don’t want to settle, I want to meet someone emotionally healthy, someone who adds to my life. Which is difficult on dating apps it seems.

This is amazing! What is your financial position if you don’t mind me asking?

Its totally doable. Esp with no kids. I started again in my 40’s (divorced, kids) and am considering doing so again less than a decade later with a lot more confidence in myself. You’re never too old and its never too late.
what makes you happy/feel alive/want to get out if bed in the morning/ really interests you in life? Start there…

@Krispykrem financially, I’m far more secure now than I was at forty! At forty I got rid of an abusive ex who was taking huge advantage of me money wise too…I spent a few years being very careful and building my £ security up. I will never mix finances with anyone ever again.