How much to support an adult with ADHD?

[Thingsthatgo]

I run some evening classes for adults. I don’t teach them, I have tutors to do that, but I do everything else. This runs along side my other job, for the same business.
Our students often stay for years - they sign up, get hooked by the craft, and then never leave. One student who is new this year, a women in her 50s, needs a huge amount of support and it is taking a lot of my, and her tutor’s, time. She doesn’t ever bring the things she needs with her, she loses all paperwork and apparently deletes all emails and WhatsApp messages, she told me that she knows that she is a disaster, but she has ADHD. I want to help her, she is a nice woman, but it has got to the point where the other students in her class are getting disgruntled.
AIBU to start ignoring her messages for help? She asks the same questions over and over It’s impacting on the main bit of my job.

In higher education, they use ‘reasonable adjustments’ to cover the expectations on both sides. The adjustments should not negatively affect the other students or staff (eg. It wouldn’t be reasonable to say that the class should be taught under very bright lights for a visually impaired student if this would negatively affect other students; it wouldn’t be reasonable to say that a student needs access to the course tutor one to one for an hour after every lecture as this would take the tutor away from their other teaching/ mean that they were working beyond their contracted hours). Universities do also have disability budgets to help with adjustments, which I’m guessing you don’t! I’ve no idea where this leaves you in terms of private tutoring/ running a hobby group but the HE guidance all stems from the Equality Act 2010 so that would perhaps be a good place to start from a legal perspective.

As it appears as though her disability means she needs one to one support to take part, I’m wondering if she gets PIP. She could potentially use this to pay a PA to assist her with her needs here. I wonder if she’s the type you could approach about this and ask? Either way, I think you need to have a read around reasonable adjustments and then have a chat with her about what you and your team can reasonably offer in terms of support and take it from there.

Maybe send round automated reminders night before class reminding everyone of class time and materials needed and that if they need to borrow materials it'll be a fee of £X amount on the day
Introduce a deposit if needed?

If she deletes emails and WhatsApp that's not your problem, adopt a HR tone and just refer back to terms and conditions/policies. Don't get sucked in, you're running a business not a support centre.

What happens when she doesn’t bring the equipment she needs? How does she do the class?

Thanks all. The software I use sends out reminders, and we have class WhatsApp groups, which she is on, so I send reminders on there too. If she does not have the correct materials she needs she can’t really do the class - her tutor has been allowing her to buy a small amount, but he shouldn’t really. I have been turning a blind eye to it, but the other students are a bit annoyed about it because it takes up his time sorting out her stuff.
I am considering asking her how I can best support her, but explain the limitations. I think she is going to want to keep coming to classes, so it needs to be sorted out

I think this is the best approach. I'm assuming it's adult education type classes. Maybe get some advice from the organisation (council etc) that puts on the classes?

Without meaning to be unduly harsh, maybe not being able to do a class would be the push she needs to put her own system in place so she doesn't forget things she needs.

If her disability affects her life to the point she can't work, then there is state support available and it might be worth a word with whoever is caring for her. If she can work, then clearly she can manage the right level of executive function when needed.

It is lovely of you to help, truly, but it's not your responsibility as the supplier of an adult craft class to be her care support, and how things current are appearing to be unsustainable.

I have ADHD, yes I can be a disaster at times, but I hold down a job that requires a reasonable amount of organisation. And before anyone jumps in with ADHD affects people differently, yes it does but you have to make coping strategies. I feel the woman in this scenario is using her ADHD as a personality rather than actually trying to deal with it.

I work with someone I suspect has ADHD (undiagnosed). I feel your pain in wanting to help but also finding it extremely frustrating that the person in question doesn't seem to want/be capable of helping themselves and just expects everyone around them to accept their "personality/ADHD" with an "it is what it is" approach.

In workplaces and education, as someone above has pointed out, reasonable adjustments have to be considered and applied.

Whilst the Equality Act will apply to your business too, the key point is "reasonableness" - it shouldn't be taking away from the experience of other attendees, it shouldn't be disproportionately more costly for you (in terms of time or materials). You already send reminders, I don't know what more you can reasonably do. My starting point would be saying that you won't be able to provide materials anymore, that while you appreciate she has ADHD she needs to find a way to ensure she brings the right things to class and, if she doesn't, then she won't be able to participate fully. If you do have a policy of providing materials for occasional cases of forgetfulness, make sure the cost is a good chunk more than the actual cost of the items (to reflect the time you've spent sourcing them etc.) As otherwise, it becomes the more convenient option for this woman to pay e.g. £5 not to have to go out and buy things as it saves her time and effort. (As an aside, is there a potential option to increase revenue by offering a profitable add-on whereby you do supply all materials?)

OT possibly but based on your description I'd be interested if she lives on her own and how she manages day to day stuff, but also whether this is a recent change to her functioning, regardless of a diagnosis (formal or self - identifying). Regardless, it sounds like you need to raise it with her and her tutor, it does not sound sustainable just now. Next is a discussion with whoever runs the classes.

Strongly agree! Similar to BewareOfTheFakes I have ADHD and yes everyone is different etc..

But unless she has a further learning disability this consistent degree of chaos feels unlikely for an activity she is voluntarily engaging in.

If she forgets her stuff then ask her to pack a bag of the stuff that she leaves there. And she has a separate bag at home.

She doesn’t work, but I am not sure if she claims any benefits. She mentioned that her husband has his own business and implied that he earns well. it’s definitely not the sort of course you would do if you were struggling for money.
I am going to cut back on communication with her, I think. I will reply to her, and help her, but just be less readily available. There is a very cheap alternative to the materials we use, which I will buy a stock of and she can use for free. It is good for practising on, but the end product is a bit crappy. I don’t think she will like it, but I think it’s fair.

Sometimes you have to really spell things out to people.

So I’d email her, and also follow up with a conversation: you know that she’s finding it hard to remember to bring everything that she needs. However bringing everything is a requirement of the course. The tutor is not allowed to spend class time providing her with materials. Other students are complaining that class time is being taken up with this. So you hope that now she’s had some time to settle in, she can find strategies that work for her to help her remember to bring everything. But - and you need to reiterate this - the tutor will not be able to provide or sell her any materials any more, so if she arrives without proper materials she just will not be able to do the class but can stay to observe. She can always check what materials are needed on the WhatsApp group.

And then keep enforcing that and reminding her that is the rule, and don’t engage further. So for example if she’s messaging you asking what she needs to bring, just remind her that the materials list is always on the WhatsApp group. And obviously make sure the tutor is on board with the rules and just reminds her that he is not allowed to supply materials or take up class time on this issue, so she can observe but not take part.

My family is all neurodivergent (diagnosed), and one of them definitely uses it as a personality/as a way to avoid anything they don’t want to do. I just suspect there’s an element of that here from what you’ve said. Majority of us just learn strategies to deal with our own responsibilities without impacting on others!

Can she read? Is the ‘I delete messages’ a cover for illiteracy? Might be worth checking. Where I work people have sometimes ‘forgotten their glasses’ and I’ve learnt this is sometimes a code for ‘I can’t fill in your form because I can’t read and write’. Not saying she doesn’t have ADHD as well. obviously unlikely but worth thinking about.

Agree with others to find out how she copes in other situations and help her find a way of remembering what she needs. Eg if she has a PA funded by PIP , can she be added to WhatsApp group. I wouldn’t start by saying other students have complained (might need to say this if she pushes back) but just say everyone has paid and tutor’s time has to be divided fairly. How different are the materials each week? Can she just have one bag that she uses only for this class and keeps everything in it? Is there a place she could store her bag in the classroom so she has things with her as a reasonable adjustment?
current situation does sound unreasonable
and sometimes people can learn from the consequence of not being able to participate. A developmental disorder doesn’t always mean that people can’t learn things just that they might find it harder to learn things.

This all sounds very reasonable OP. You've already given more support than expected, unfortunately it may be she picked a wrong course.

Do you have a learning contract/terms and conditions? I would redirect her to these in writing and explain that if she is unable to meet these then the course is not suitable.

Without divulging too much of my own situation, a lot of adults with ADHD find the consequences have to be real and enforced to be effective.

Reminders are white noise because they either forget the reminder the moment it has been received or they are constantly issuing reminders to themselves so it’s just one more - its likely both. It’s like I have a subconscious (at the time) and constantly shuffling consequence based priority order in my head. It wasn’t until my DC were diagnosed that I recognised this.

Generally, if there’s anyway of talking my way out of something or if I know I’ll be accommodated it totally subconsciously shuffles down the list (I am more conscious of this as I’ve got older and since diagnosis). At some point for me shame and embarrassment will take over and that becomes a priority booster itself but it takes a while depending on the situation.

For me, if I was your client, the accommodation is creating a sure fire way to ensure your requirements wouldn’t reach the requisite boost in my priority system and so would stay churning around in the chaos.

No-one but my husband knows about my diagnosis. My colleagues at work would be shocked but the high level of consequences mean I am always hyper focused and alert - work is always at the top of my shuffling list because it’s ‘public’ and there are no accommodations.

I should say I don’t mean consequences need to be overly harsh or not administered kindly! just natural and enforced.