Worrying about DS’s future and friendships because of how he is… overthinking?

[Wonderingmummy]

My DS is almost 4 years old and he’s always been incredibly shy. He prefers being and playing alone and is the only one at his nursery with no “friends” as such. If they are all doing something in a group, most of the time he will refuse and do something by himself.

I have been told he has some autistic traits but I’m unsure what I do about this as it’s all new territory for me. He’s always been sensitive to new things and changes.

I’m scared he won’t make any friends, I’m worried. I know I’m overthinking big time.

Looking for a bit of reality or reassurance

I would sign him up to some stuff outside nursery, like a local rugby club when he starts school. The first few weeks you might need to nudge him but it's great for bringing kids out of their shell a bit. Also gives them a chance to achieve something and a conversation topic when people ask what they're interested in!

Rugby! For a sensitive three year old! I do agree with dc doing things out of school but maybe something more three year old-ish.

Id be surprised if every other child at nursery left with friends because it’s really normal at that age not to join in with things. If people walk to the park after school then definitely do that too. That sort of thing.

I’d work on compromise and seeing other people’s perspectives. So at bedtime, he chooses a book and you choose a book. Don’t let him always win at games or choose what’s happening. That’s where a lot of children struggle at school because they want to play Lego and the other child wants to go on the climbing frame so they both think they have nobody to play with.

Does sound like autism. Though some kids do get more or less sociable.
As obviously change etc veing an issues is also an asd trait.

I wpuld see how he get on at school. Does he cope with transitions? Or not having certaon staff in. Lots of asd kids have friends. They may just tend to be other ND kids.

Aged roughly 5 I caused consternation by ignoring the frolicking herd of other kids in the classroom and heading straight for the bookshelf. I was very annoyed at being told to ‘go and play’ with the others because what they were up to made no sense to me. I found my people in time.