Would it be okay to miss my brother’s engagement party?

[AllIwantForChrismasIsAKitchenAidStandMixer]

My brother is engaged to a lovely woman and I am genuinely so pleased for them and wouldn’t hesitate about going normally. Their engagement party is in a few weeks time.

The party is going to be where they live which is a 5 hour drive away and requires an overnight stay. I’ll be 8 months pregnant and we’ve been trying to move house all year and just found out we’ll be moving that week as well.

I just feel like I have too much on already and the car journey will be very uncomfortable at that stage of pregnancy and I will need that time to settle in and recover from moving.

I feel guilty though because it’s not the sort of thing I would usually miss!

Miss it and send a fabulous present instead. The chances are you will be sat there WISHING you were tucked up in bed. Congratulations and good luck to you

Of course not. It’s too far and you should rest (after moving). Only an idiot would complain about you not going.

Given your circumstances, I would let them know it won't be possible. Send a card and a wee gift.

YANBU to not attend as it’s 5 hours away
YANBU to not attend Because you’ll be 8 months pregnant
YANBU to not attend Because you’ll be moving house that week

combine all three and I’d love someone to present an argument as to why you should go.

its not their wedding

They have surely had 8 months to get engaged and throw a party requiring an overnight stay. It can’t be a surprise that you’re pregnant! To suddenly do it now at the point when it’s most difficult for you to be far from your hospital and midwife team kinda feels like they didn’t really care if you were there or not. It would absolutely be a no from me making a 10 hour round trip when I could technically go into labour at any moment.

A fabulous present for an engagement? Blimey.

Oh definitely not unreasonable at all. Even just one of those things would be a valid reason to not attend but all combined I would be definitely sending my apologies. It's not like you're missing his wedding. Send them a nice card and try to get some rest before the baby arrives.

YANBU. At 8 months pregnant I would not have wanted to travel that far from home just in case the baby decided to arrive early.

Thank you! Appreciate the perspective! Would like to hear from the 7% of people who do think I’m being unreasonable though!

We’re the sort of family that shows up so it feels weird to miss it. I sent them a gift when they announced their engagement but I’m thinking I will call the venue and ask to put the money I was going to spend on a hotel behind the bar!

Is it going to be an open bar? Why wouldn't you just give it as a gift to the couple?

Your brother knows you’re pregnant and presumably what stage of the pregnancy. Arguably he should be the one who is concerned at having chosen to throw his engagement party when it would be tough for you to make it. Send apologies and congrats, it’s fine not to go.

I have no idea about the bar but I’m not giving them £200 in cash because they would find that odd after I have already given them a gift and the point is to facilitate the party that I’m missing not give them money they don’t need

Yeah I think they just couldn’t find another time. Any earlier wasn’t enough notice for people (got engaged in August) and any later we’re into Christmas and I would have a newborn anyway. Any later than that you lose momentum

Having been 8 months pregnant three times in my life I would under no circumstances attend anyone’s engagement party at that stage. Or drive for 5 hours anywhere for anything or anyone. YANBU.

Could a family member that will be there arrange a surprise 'live video message' from you during the evening.

YANBU. I genuinely don't understand the point of an engagement party. I've never been to one and have never bought anyone an engagement present. It's not a wedding.

Don’t do this! That would be weird and attention seeking at someone else’s party!

That sounds very nice.

It would be doubly odd because I have seen them since the engagement - they come down often seeing as the rest of the family all live here