Co parents - Christmas

[Roo1515]

Ex and I Split in 2023, 2 children 11 and 8 both live with me 60% of time. Ex moved 45 mins away with new partner and child. He has them every other weekend thurs-Sunday and one eve in week (which I had to fight for).
Last 2 Xmas’s kids have been with me Xmas Eve and Xmas day, 1st year didn’t want so see them on Xmas day and had them Boxing Day.
Last year, was due to have them after lunch Xmas day but then changed his mind and didn’t see / speak to them til Boxing Day. Didn’t want to see them Xmas Eve.
This year the Xmas period falls on his weekend, with Xmas Eve on Thurs. I have proposed that he has them overnight Xmas Eve and Xmas day until after lunch and I will then pick them up and have them Boxing Day.
He is point blank refusing to this stating it is his weekend and his year with them as he’s missed the last 2 (he chose to not see them) and that they are with him until 9 am on Boxing Day. if I don’t like it then I won’t have them at all.
The kids have asked about things and have said they’d like to see us both on Xmas day - I’ve told him this and he’s ignored this and said he’s not budging.
I really don’t know what to do.
My family, parents, brothers, sisters and their kids etc traditionally always get together on Xmas day, and see their in laws families on Boxing Day. So if I don’t have the kids until then, it’s likely my kids won’t see any of my family their cousins etc over Xmas at all.
I don’t know what to do…I feel so sad about it all.
Am I being unreasonable asking to split the day like I’ve said?
or should I just agree to his plan - not that I’m sure I even have a choice!

It sounds like he doesn’t like the idea of splitting Christmas Day. Which is fair enough even if it’s not your preference. In your shoes I would ask for alternating Christmases with the handover always on Boxing Day morning. Email so you have it in writing.

He's doing it so you'll give in and have the children Eve and Day again. He's manipulating you, trying not to have them but make you look like the baddie."I can't have them at all and it's your fault."

I think you are going to have to get used to alternating Christmas days, we have for the last five years

He sounds like a dick, but maybe it's a nice opportunity for your wider family to spend Christmas day with their in laws and boxing day all together this year? Just swap the days around? I'm sure your in laws families would like to see their children, siblings etc on Christmas Day. How come your family always gets first dibs?

Yea I’m trying to see it in a positive way. My siblings have just always done this, even before my children came along. I think it generally works well with the in-laws plans too hence why it’s never been an issue. Have spoke to them and they are going to see if things can be moved this year. Just so infuriating, as yet again I am having to bow to his demands, even when it’s not what the kids want.