Currently, our schedule feels muddled and unsuitable for our one-year-old child. Co-parent has our child Monday morning and drops them off at nursery on Wednesday morning where I pick them up. Previously, they had our child every other Monday evening, but they requested to change this to every Monday. Because of this, I requested they take the whole of Monday as a custody day so I could work more hours at my job, which I have now been working at for 2 months. I then have our child from Wednesday evening until Saturday evening, where the co-parent collects them and drops them off the following afternoon.
Since changing to every Monday, the co-parent has been upset with me for requesting they watch our child for the full day on their custody day. They believe I should watch our child during the day and they should just collect them from me in the evenings. I had to draw a hard boundary because of my job. When I mentioned they could pay me for covering Mondays, they asked why they would pay me for being a parent. Maybe that was the wrong move on my part, but I was earning money on Mondays with my own business, so while I could be flexible, I still needed to cover the shortfall.
I have given into their demands a few times because they constantly ask. When I say no, they get annoyed the following week and say I should watch our child because I chose to change the schedule and gave short notice. Our child only goes to nursery Tuesday and Wednesday, so they have to find childcare for Mondays. Recently, our child was sick at nursery and needed to be picked up early. The co-parent was working an hour away without their car in a place with bad phone service, so the nursery couldn't reach them. When I told them they needed to pick our child up, they hung up and said they simply couldn't. I had to leave work to pick up the pieces, which felt very unfair.
We will agree on a date and time prior, but 10 minutes before pickup/dropoff they will ask me what time we agreed on instead of checking previous texts. This also happens with Saturday dinners; we agreed they would feed our child since dinner is at 5:30 and it is a 30-minute drive between us, but they still text beforehand asking if our child has eaten instead of checking. They treat me like a personal assistant.
They argue they "didn't want Mondays," but initially they wanted 50/50, which we can't afford because of nursery bills. They declined weekends because they don't want to be a "weekend parent" and want weekends to relax. The arrangement is entirely one-sided; I do all the admin for nursery, the GP, and scheduling. They aren't even logged into the nursery app, so the nursery contacts me on their custody days because they can't get a hold of them. It has been 2 months and they claim they can't find Monday childcare, though I found options within days.
Our child is also picked up 30 minutes before dinner on Saturdays because they insist on a morning or evening pickup to fit their work routine. The schedule fits their routine, not our child's. They chose Tuesday and Wednesday just to avoid weekends. I suggested weekends with evening visits during the week so they could get quality time, but they declined. Currently, their mum watches our child on Mondays while they work full-time, meaning they only spend a few hours together in the mornings and evenings.
I have much more serious concerns, including the co-parent driving high with our child, a history of them previously assaulting me, inconsistent CMS payments, and texting while driving with our child in the car. They also show up unannounced or 30 minutes early. Once, they turned up at my house an hour before an event our child wasn't even at, offered a lift, and proceeded to question me about my romantic life.
I am about to do mediation but I am unsure whether to request to change the arrangement to the co-parent only having weekends and evening weekday visits. I want our child to see the co-parent regularly and I know equal time is best, but the co-parent simply cannot manage the current schedule. Aibu if I ask to change the schedule so they have kid weekend plus evening visits?