AIBU to question whether football is the right fit for DC?

[Emergencycake]

My child has been playing football for probably 4 years now. They play for a nice little team and the coaches are very kind and inclusive which is great and I can’t fault them. The issue is that while DC says they love football and being around the other players, it is very obvious that they are one of the weakest players.

I’ve had questions from other parents if we practice (which we have, but DC is uninterested in any ‘guidance’ being offered) and overheard some frustrated parents on our team questioning their on field tactics, and in plain honesty I can see myself that DC is not throwing themselves into it like the others, sometimes standing still and not jumping into shadowing or helping their team.

While their team appear to be nice, it’s clear they aren’t interested in being too friendly with DC and I see them being isolated quite a lot. I worry this is not their strength, they are more academic than sporty, but DC is totally unaware of this. It’s not just me, DH has expressed the same view. We don’t know what to do, DC doesn’t appear to have progressed since they started, but claims to still enjoy. What would you do? The last thing we want to do is crush confidence.

If your child enjoys it, what’s the issue? He/she wont always excel at something but surely the enjoyment of it is more important?
Tell the other parents to mind their own business.

How old is he? There's always got to be someone who is the weakest player, but IMO it does get more competitive as they get older. This may mean he gets less game time or notices the difference in ability more. Could he move to a lower standard team?

My dc was like this with ballet.

you may well find as they get older that there is more focus on teams winning and your dc will be in the squad but not get much playing time.
this usually gives a clue that football isn’t for them and they should consider either other sports or moving to a more “for fun” group as clubs do vary massively.

for the moment be happy he is doing exercise.

Football always always goes this way I am afraid. Starts off kind, inclusive, sweet little kids and chatty parents and gets steadily more hostile over the years, with parents who think their little Messi is being held back by another little boy, parents harassing coaches until the kind fair ones leave, dramas with teams being mixed up….. eurgh, my footballing years were the WORST.
The answer is rugby which is genuinely kind inclusive and fun for all the players.
Or if you can’t give up on football, find a lower level team, something like a little league is good, and see if it’s any better there.

How old is he? I would suggest maybe keeping up with the football but adding another sport he might enjoy. If he likes it more, he might volunteer to give up football.

I had one like this, they are now 14 and over the years have tried lots of sports varying from not going back after a trial session, to doing a season, or staying for a number of years. He's been through football (similar to your ds), karate, cricket (1st friendly game chose to lie down whilst fielding!, cricket did not last long, lol), hockey, fencing, swimming, tennis, rugby, running, cycling, gym.

I’m in the same boat with my DS (10). He loves playing, but it is soul-destroying travelling for up to an hour to watch him play for about 10 minutes on the pitch before being subbed off again.

He’s a bit oblivious to it…but I hear the other kids giving him a hard time. I’m going to have a think about Rugby.

DC is 12, so it is starting to get competitive. They have rules where each child has to be put on the field for a certain percentage of time, so DC gets pitch time, but also with that it highlights when they aren’t paying as much attention and passing the ball correctly or helping defend etc. The parents have made comments and I can see the other kids deliberately avoid passing to DC and barely speak to them on the sidelines. It’s really upsetting to see. I think DC just wants to fit in and likes the idea of being on a team. I think we’ll have to find other sports or activities to lure them away. Sounds like it happens a lot 😞

Presumably there is only one team within your DC's age group, so they couldn't move down to a lower level team? Or is there an option to go to training but not play in matches? These were options at my DD's football club. Is your DC actually aware of the others not passing to them, excluding them etc or is it something you're more attuned to?
As a pp suggested, maybe they could try another sport/ sports in tandem with football for a while to try and find something they're more suited to. But it feels a shame if they genuinely enjoy it and it's keeping them active that you feel pushed out.

Does he play at any other time other than set training or matches?? In my experience boys (and is especially boys) who really love football play all the time. At home in the garden, in the park, at school in the playground. My nephew falls into this category. I don’t think he’s actually that talented but he works at it so he improves. He’s actually better at cricket and racquet sports.
My DD plays football. She only does so at training and matches. As a result she’s pretty good within her team ( girls football standards at grass roots are different!) but she’ll never be amazing. Her tactics and intelligence are what get her through!
She always throws herself in 100% though.
Doesn’t sound like he’s all that into it.

My son was like this with rugby. My dh used to take him and then one day I took him and realised he was actually quite bad at it. He didn’t love it but had a few friends and went along happily every week. I told him he had to do one sport so we tried out a few and he had a real talent for swimming which he still does now, he is in a team and loves it. I think team sports can be quite brutal if you are one of the weaker players and football is probably worst for this. It’s a shame children can’t just do it for fun.

I see what you’re all saying, but i often ask DC if they still enjoy it and they tell me they do. I’ve tried to make it obvious that I’m ok with them switching to something else, but they genuinely appear to love it BUT that said, very little practice inbetween sessions which doesn’t suggest a passion to me. I will push forward with a plan to try and encourage them to try other things. Thanks all