Why would he send me a FB request after so long?????

[GreySquare]

Just looking for perspectives from you. ladies!

So my mam was an alcoholic so wasn’t available from when I can remember (11) and dad was abusive. I am NC with him for being awful.

On a positive note I had great friends and I adored them. We went out one night and a guy used to always ask to “take me home” when I was 17 but obviously I couldn’t take him back to mine as my mam would be drunk and dad would try to batter him, even though I fancied the pants off him and used to look forward to seeing him as it took my mind of my home life. He also had a girlfriend so I didn’t want to do that to her.

When my mam died I was 22 I thought fuck it and everyone. (Even though I had a ‘boyfriend’ he was a bit feckless so I didn’t care as I thought life is short) so one night we were in the same club we got chatting and I said I’ve got a boyfriend and I invited him back to mine for a ‘coffee’ (shag!) and he took the opportunity and we spent the night together. It was amazing and gave me something to look forward to having lost my mam.

So we met about 12 times as we both enjoyed it so much, but I was moving away to go to uni as a nurse and he knew that. So we both knew nothing more could come of it. We fancied each other for years and spent several nights together and it was amazing and I was moving away to a different city so couldn’t progress it. I later found out that he had a (different) girlfriend when we were ‘having fun’ and I didn’t know this so he’d tried to mess 2 girlfriends about with me over there years so not good!

Please don’t judge me as I was between 17 and 22 with psycho dad and my mam died.

Anyway I’m mid 40’s now and received a FB friend request and we’ve both got kids and husbands/wives…

So why on earth would he bother to send me that?

Because he's horny, reminiscing and feeling hopeful that he'll get to relive his 12 nights of youthful fun. Sorry but it's usually as simple as that. If you answer him it won't take long for him to turn the conversation to 'suggestive' banter and he'll get a kick out of that even if it goes no further. Don't risk your current relationship.

I definitely wouldn’t as I’m married with kids and mid 40’s as I know he’s married with kids too and she seems absolutely lovely (a friend knows her from their work and says she’s so lovely)

I just find it strange he’d even send me a friend request after 20+ years as we absolutely weren’t friends, we barely spoke. We just had ‘a bit of fun’ a few times

He's bored and he wants a shag. Dont fall for it.

He is bored and hopeful for a shag. That's the only reason. Just block him

Yep, I agree with the pp - an ex contacted me on FB a few years ago, we chatted briefly then he started with the flirty messages. In the end I ignored him because he was being weird - I’ve been with my DH 30 years - he was married and fostered with his wife. Fast forward a few months and he’s left his wife for a different woman They are married now. Clearly he was bored in his marriage & was chancing his arm with randoms, including me, until one bit.

They never contact you to genuinely see how you are - it’s always for a shag!

I've reconnected with friends from my long past because music reminded me of them.

It's been both lovely and heartbreaking.

I've had friend requests from people I haven't seen for years, people from school, from work. I dont think they wanted a shag, mostly just curiosity. Sometimes it's been interesting to see how things have turned out for them.

I would leave it to remember wgat it was good for at the time.
Men !...do you need to ask.

Maybe your name came up under 'people you might know' and he clicked on Friend Request by accident, it's easily done (ask me how I know).

The head space you have given this complete and utter non event is concerning

I just find it strange he’d even send me a friend request after 20+ years as we absolutely weren’t friends, we barely spoke. We just had ‘a bit of fun’ a few times

he will have given it maybe 0.000001% thought

so you give it 0%

As pp said, he'll have spammed it out to loads of women hoping one bites. He's probably a bit bored with his lovely wife. I'd ignore and not give it another thought.

He's bored and looking for sex. If you value your marriage, block him.

he may not be after a shag. I’ve had an old boyfriend request me on fb. Just friends and hi what’s happening with you. No suggestion of anything. Told each other about wives / husbands / work / kids. I’m quite nosey 😂

You're probably overthinking this. It's not unusual to add an old acquaintance to Facebook when they pop up in people you may know, usually for no other reason than to nosy at what they're up to.

Tbh I'd assume he was just curious to see how life turned out for you rather than looking for a shag 20 years later. I've got quite a few ex-boyfriends/casual flings on my socials and it's nice to see occasional updates that they've got married or had a kid or whatever. Same as people I went to school/uni with.

I wouldn't give it a second thought, accept if you'd like to see occasional updates, decline if you think the past should remain in the past. Obviously if you accept him and he does the cha cha slide into your dm's with his dick out then go ahead and block him, but I wouldn't assume that's his intention.