Attend mother funeral.

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I cry every day. I don't want to see funeral homes. casket prices, coffins, I just want to go in the garden and cry. Can I get out of this? I don't want a funeral and neither did she.

Oh OP. I hear you. When my partner died I felt exactly the same. I wanted to rush outside and scream as loudly as I could. Are there people who can help you? Family or friends?

You can avoid the funeral but you can't avoid the grief. I'm so sorry but there's just no way round it. Many people find it helps to lean on others at times of bereavement. I hope that you have friends and family around you and that you can get through together.

It is truly hellish, I am so sorry for your loss.

I was just saying to my husband today that I handed over all responsibilities to him; I didn’t even pick the hymns and yes I spent my entire time crying in the garden. This was a few years ago but the desolation and shock of those early days will haunt me forever; it’s an absolutely heartbreaking time.

Have you got support or people you can trust to make decisions on your behalf? Have you got siblings or close family?

So sorry you are struggling. What is your current situation? What decisions do you have to make right now, and how urgently?

My mum wanted direct cremation - the Co-op arranged one for us.
It was perfect. Her ashes were returned to us, and we had a party to celebrate her life a few months later.
Sending you love and strength

OP, I am so sorry about your mum. Your grief is entirely understandable and normal. If neither she nor you wanted a funeral then why not request a direct cremation? I think that’s what I’m going to do for me, no fuss and so on. Particularly when everything is so raw.

Then, when your equilibrium is restored, you can think about maybe scattering her ashes somewhere special, have family and friends together somewhere for a wee celebration of life, go somewhere where your mum would have been happy and smiled.

Direct cremation, they deal with it for you, Simplicity Cremations did my dad. You don't have to do anything other than register the death and send them the paperwork. Then grieve and take your time to decide if you want to do anything else..i didn’t but some people take the ashes and do some sort of celebration of their life at a later date when they can cope with it.💐💔

Your local funeral directors will do a direct cremation and you get thd confort of knowing your mum isn't going far and will be treated with respect.

However, you might want to take a week or so to think about closure, her friends and other family and if they would like to say goodbye too. I know its hard, but it takes a few weeks to organise a funeral and thst can be delayed. Don't rush into a decision, your grieving and thats perfectly normal. Give yourself time. You don't have to make a decision today. You can leave everything in the hands of the funeral directors and they will decide what you don't want to.

Last place I lived a young mum died, and her daughter, I think about 10 years old, screamed and screamed she wanted her mum back. Mum, cancer, 40 years. What can we do.

Why not have a direct cremation? They’re increasingly popular and no funeral is needed. I think it’s a much less awful way of dealing with a death.

My partner wanted Direct Cremation, so I abided by his wishes and gave him what he wanted. I wish I hadn't - I don't feel nearly the same closure and really felt - and still feel (he only died last December) that I didn't have the chance to say goodbye properly. On the other hand, when my mother died all three of us (daughters) gave her a lovely funeral with lots of friends and family. She had been a very social person so this was a wonderful way for her to go. And I feel that she had a proper send-off.
But this is not for everyone. I'm still angry at my partner for dying, which is stupid, as he was older and not well, and when I'm in my house on my own, or in my car by myself I swear at him, and sometimes cry, and then feel horrid because of course it's not his fault he died. I do still love him and the memories we built up over 31 years together. I suppose that I'm just trying to say that death affects everyone in different ways and I feel that it's quite natural to be angry with someone that you've loved a lot that has left you. I miss my mother a lot, we had a good relationship when I grew up a bit and I miss our chats; and just talking to her.
OP, I hope that you feel better soon, the anger will become less frequent. Do you have family or friends you can talk to?

Do you have to have a funeral? We had a direct cremation for my Mum. Got her ashes back and then scattered them somewhere personal to her.

I didn’t know direct cremation was a thing until this thread. This is exactly what I’d like to happen for me; no stress, no fuss, just simplicity, with my ashes blessed and then scattered by my nearest and very dearest, in my favourite place.

I’m going to Porthcawl this afternoon to scatter my aunt’s ashes because she had a direct cremation. You can mourn any way you wish to. Sending love.

Anyone considering a direct cremation- please use your local funeral director. They all offer it, but don’t generally publicise it as it doesn’t make them as much money. The companies you see advertising on TV charge more and you’re paying extra for the transportation costs as their facilities are centralised.

I would also recommend direct cremation. We did this for one of my parents and we all found it much easier not having to deal with a funeral.

OP, I understand how painful it is to lose a parent. I remember your other thread so I am saying this gently, and with compassion. Your mum was 98 and lived a good life. Try to focus on this. From your other thread, it’s clear that you have some guilt about your relationship with your mum and your last interactions and this is highly likely to be influencing how you feel now. I recommend some grief counselling as this can help you to deal with this.