AIBU to refuse adding my half sisters to Mum's birthday gift from me?

[DanceLikeBridgerton]

My mum is 70 in December. I have 2 younger half sisters who are my mums daughters, not with my father. We get on ok but aren’t that close.

A few weeks ago we were all talking about ideas for mums birthday gifts and they asked what I was getting. I said I’d already bought an item of jewellery which they asked to see so I showed it to them online. It’s quite expensive and something my mum always says she likes but would never treat herself to. They said it’s expensive and I said she’s only 70 once and that my kids would be contributing a little towards it. They showed me some things they were thinking of getting mum which I agreed she would really like.

Today, one of my half sisters have asked my son how much he is contributing to the gift. He told them he wasn’t sure exactly but around £200. He said they asked in a casual way so thought nothing of answering. My half sisters have now said they would also like to give me £200 each so that the gift can be from them as well. I’ve said no, I’d rather get it from just me, my husband and our children and they should get something else like they planned. It’s quite expensive and something my mum first seen when she was with me and although I’m happy for my children to contribute a small amount of the total due to them being my children, I’m not happy for my half sisters to only contribute a small amount to an expensive gift and then say it’s from us all. They think I’m being unfair.

My mum is the type of person who will love anything any of us buy her. I’ve bought her things for a few pounds in the past that she treasures so she would not let this gift overshadow anything at all that her other children get her.

What do you think? AIBU?

YANBU.

It's cheeky. They want to piggyback off your time, thoughtfulness and money.

I had someone do this to me once (contributed 1/5 of the cost of the gift and then made themselves appear to be the main giver) - it was mean of them, and there is no graceful way to say "actually it was mostly from me" afterwards. So I had to just let it stand. But when they tried to do it again, I'd learnt my lesson and said no (they were very peeved about that, because they knew full well what they were doing!).

If they were offering to pay about 1/3 of the cost each, then it would be a more reasonable request. But you'd still be entitled to say no. Everyone has the right to say no to "sharing" a gift. Sometimes you just want a gift to be more personal.

Hahahahahaha, no.

They're cheap as fuck trying to take credit for spending thousands when they want to pay a fraction.

Let them do their own work and spend their own money.

I bet your mom will love your gift 🎁.

Tell them that £200 is the child contribution, but the adult contribution is Full price divided by adults (minus any child contributions).

If its 5k then if there are 4 adults and 1 child you want 1.2k each off the two of them if its from the 4 of you! Watch them run. Cheeky fuckers. They just want your glory.

I wouldn’t like it if my DC spent thousands on me and my DGC £200, are you sure shel like such an expensive gift?

Of course you are not being unreasonable.

@Pieandchips999 so you think it’s OK for one sibling to give lots of thought to a gift, go to the trouble of finding it, buying it, spending loads of money etc, and then the other not-close half siblings just do a bank transfer for tiny fraction of the the cost (and none of the effort) and take equal credit for it?

I wondered this, but I assume they are a very wealthy family. My mom would be horrified if I spent thousands, but I don't have thousands to spend.....

I did wonder if the sisters actually thought it would be helpful to contribute as it was such a lot of money? Ok f I proposed buying mom something expensive I can potentially imagine my brother (a lot wealthier than I am) offering to help me out by splitting the cost. Yes, he would be benefitting in a sense from my time and effort in sourcing the gift, but his intentions would mostly be positive.

I know the sisters are offering a comparatively small amount, but they may be a lot less wealthy. I assume OP's son is an adult and earning well, if he is paying £200. So there is no reason to think the sisters offering to pay the same as him is outrageous - he may have a lot more money than them for all we know.

If OP's son is in fact a child, he is an extraordinarily wealthy one!

I just don't see why everyone thinks the sisters are being so horrible just to suggest this. They aren't (as far as I know) kicking off about it and trying to pressure OP - it was just an idea I assume?

I mean, is it a competition? It's not King Lear. I doubt the mother is ranking her children in order of effort made and money spent. If she is, it's not very nice.

Nope. Of course not. You're not being at all unreasonable, they're being lazy little shits, they can put some effort into it and find her own gift.

YANBU

Why do you call them your half sisters? Technically they are, but if you share the same mum its not the same as having different mums is it,

Me and all my siblings have different dads, but the same mum. I dont ever think of them as my half sisters but maybe thats cause we all lived together / close in age

They can figure out a gift themselves. You've already done all the work on this gift yourself

Why wouldn't she call them half sisters? That's what they are, it's not technically, it's just factually. They are, factually and actually, her half sisters. We use words to describe reality.

You're entitled to call yours whatever you like, obvs. Just as OP is.

Tell them that if they want to go thirds on the gift it can be from you all otherwise they need to get their own gifts .

Better still, they can just buy their own gifts. That way the problem they invented is solved.

😅 I was just wondering is all, ive never met anyone whose shared a mum with a sibling and called them half. Just late night musing. Calm down 🤣

As well as being lazy little shits, it's also miserable of them to deny your mother the opportunity of opening more gifts, gifts they actually put some thought into.

They can just do the right thing and buy their own gifts.

Oh dear, I didn't realise you would not be able to calm down, sorry you got so enraged over a simple, calm and factual statement.

Anyway, now you know, so you're welcome 😎

200 isn't a small amount.

Why are you accepting 200 off your kids?

Make it just from you and let your mum have more gifts and the glory that you want

Oh, so you think the half sisters want glory? Yes, you're probably right.

Anyway, OP is fine with her kids contributing because they're her kids. HTH.

Why are they being "little shits"? I have no skin
in the game here - I am not the half sisters (either of them) - but I can't understand all the hate they are getting.

They just made a suggestion. Why can't OP just say, no, it's fine, you get her something else? That would be the normal response if someone offers to contribute towards a gift and you don't want them to.

Why are they being villified for just making a suggestion?

You may have a point. Obviously, they definitely shouldn't have asked - if OP had wanted to offer that she should have, and it was lazy of them to even think it. However, so long as they take no for an answer I suppose they don't really deserve to be called little shits.

Well they can either give you one third each of the "thousands" or they can get stuffed

Well the answer is in the OP!

They think OP is being unfair

Which means they didn't just accept her "No"
They started whinging about it and putting pressure on her to change her mind!

You don't like your sisters much do you?

I would have thought such a hugely expensive gift, it would be less awkward if it was all of you clubbing together to get it.

I also think of half siblings as only sharing a father.
If you've got the same mum and you lived together as children then it's odd to say half - sibling. Sounds like deliberately trying to infer distance