AIBU to refuse adding my half sisters to Mum's birthday gift from me?

[DanceLikeBridgerton]

My mum is 70 in December. I have 2 younger half sisters who are my mums daughters, not with my father. We get on ok but aren’t that close.

A few weeks ago we were all talking about ideas for mums birthday gifts and they asked what I was getting. I said I’d already bought an item of jewellery which they asked to see so I showed it to them online. It’s quite expensive and something my mum always says she likes but would never treat herself to. They said it’s expensive and I said she’s only 70 once and that my kids would be contributing a little towards it. They showed me some things they were thinking of getting mum which I agreed she would really like.

Today, one of my half sisters have asked my son how much he is contributing to the gift. He told them he wasn’t sure exactly but around £200. He said they asked in a casual way so thought nothing of answering. My half sisters have now said they would also like to give me £200 each so that the gift can be from them as well. I’ve said no, I’d rather get it from just me, my husband and our children and they should get something else like they planned. It’s quite expensive and something my mum first seen when she was with me and although I’m happy for my children to contribute a small amount of the total due to them being my children, I’m not happy for my half sisters to only contribute a small amount to an expensive gift and then say it’s from us all. They think I’m being unfair.

My mum is the type of person who will love anything any of us buy her. I’ve bought her things for a few pounds in the past that she treasures so she would not let this gift overshadow anything at all that her other children get her.

What do you think? AIBU?

No, clearly.

Hate to bring this up but happened to me. It was the thing they all squabbled over when the person died as they were well aware of value

I'm not sure why people are picking on you so much for saying half sisters. I have 4 brothers and 1 half brother. 🤷‍♀️ My relationship is 100% different between my brothers and my half brother. I never lived with my half brother, so the relationship isn't the same, my contrast, my husband lived with his half siblings, they share the same Mum and they are close in age and all just count each other as full siblings.

But no you are absolutely not unreasonable to not share the gift with them. Not to the same level, but my Mum for her 60th, my brothers and I split the cost evenly between us all and then we all bought her things separately.

I am ten years away from being your mum’s age.
I don’t own expensive jewellery - but I would love some. If I was given this it would be amazing.
You are now your own family unit - you no longer have to think of being a unit with your siblings in my book. Whether they are full, half or step.
I am also to mum who loves daffodils over expensive flowers on mother’s day. I also asked for second hand gifts from my children, when they were not working - it was and never is about the money for me. It really is the thought.
For my own birthday this year, I have organised my day and invited my family - husband and children. I want no gift - just them to attend the day.

You are not wrong to give a gift from your family unit.

@StockingsByTheFire Your post made me laugh. My father paid for the reception at my brother's and SIL's wedding. The meal , the venue , the reception drinks , a contribution towards the bar , pretty much everything. DSIL's parents paid their nephew to play the piano. DSIL's father thanked my father for his "contribution" . My Father was very laid back and didn't really mind , but did give me a wry smile, when this was said in DSIL's father's speech .

Edit to add a few words.

Tell them it doesn't matter how they see it - the gift is from your family only.

They can pool their own money and actually put some effort in.

Absolutely not. Stand firm. Suggest they get something to compliment it, earrings for example, but the first is from your household only.

I dont see any issue with calling thm half siblings as that is what they are. Op already explained that she didn't grow up alongside them.

I don't think yabu but I would have been clearer that you wanted the gift to be from your family only. If they had wanted to contribute then they should be paying x amount divided by 3 so equal shares as they are her children not grandchildren. I don't understand why you can't speak to them and be clear that if they were contributing their share should be much higher. Or if you'd really rather they bought their own gifts then tell them so. Clear communication here would really help.

It's just laziness on their part, they don't want to put the research into a nice gift. They could get her earrings with the money they club together themselves.

Me and my 2 sisters (one is a half) will put together for large gifts. But it’s always a discussion. If one of us turned around and said, I want to get xxx but only from me, they’d go ok.

It is probably because they can’t afford the same as you have spent, and by contributing the same amount as your children, they would come across (by your mum) that they had contributed more.

But that’s a them problem, not yours.

They are adults; they contribute the adult price which should be a division of the nunber of adults minus the child contribution. The arrangement you have with YOUR children is your perogative. The arrangement on offer to them is again YOUR perogative. Take it or leave it. That's the boundary; its not a discussion or a debate.

After all, neither you or them would want mum to think they had contributed equally when they haven't.

I’d tell your sisters that because they’ve made such a fuss, you’ve decided your son doesn’t need to pay anything as they clearly can’t cope with the unfairness of that.

They can pay a third ie £2k (or whatever) each or not contribute.

It’s not. My sibling always buys more expensive gifts for family as she married someone wealthy. I’ve never felt like mine isn’t valued or worthy enough.

@DanceLikeBridgerton Tell them "No, and do not ask again or I'll be forced to block you on my social media".
They will have quite a bit of money between them and they could afford more, so they are just trying it on. CFers to the max.
They could get her
A beautiful purse
Sherling slippers
Cashmere sweater
All of the above

They are moaning like children and you are a heck of a lot more patient than I am. I would have told them to hush it much sooner.

As you have the gift, just say no and block them. Why are people so offended by half sister? Her half sisters are half sisters because they only share 1 parent.

Some odd responses. I’ve never heard people differentiating between half siblings based on a shared mother or father before! Doesn’t matter which parent it is, if you don’t both have the same mum and dad you are half siblings anyway, you’re not unreasonable op.

I suspect it they worry about not being in prime position for any eventual inheritance. That would explain the moaning.

I would just ignore them. I agree it's too much to ask to only contribute a fraction of the present and then claim it was from everyone. Fair enough to try and ask but then just accept that you are being told no.

Just tell them they can contibute 1/3 each and then the gift is from all of them. Grandchildren don't contribute the same as children

Any updates, @DanceLikeBridgerton? Have your half sisters stopped complaining yet?

They’re saying don’t see the difference between me being ok with my children contributing a smaller amount to them contributing a smaller amount.

Well that's for them to live with isn't it, not for you to 'resolve'. And I'd probably say it much like that to them if they keep on about it.

You've done absolutely nothing wrong OP. Stick to your guns. And, awful of me I know, but I'd be tempted to make sure it's just you and yours when you give your Mum the gift - keep the moment as special as it should be without any snarky comments from your half siblings.

Why? Because they don’t buy a bit of jewellery that’s thousands of pounds? I must live in another world

Today, one of my half sisters have asked my son how much he is contributing to the gift. He told them he wasn’t sure exactly but around £200. He said they asked in a casual way so thought nothing of answering.

Re this bit - no criticism of your son whatsoever but this is a good example for him - never talk money with people - be as vague as possible to direct questions or just bat them away completely. Always be wary of people who ask specifics about money, family or not.