AIBU to refuse adding my half sisters to Mum's birthday gift from me?

[DanceLikeBridgerton]

My mum is 70 in December. I have 2 younger half sisters who are my mums daughters, not with my father. We get on ok but aren’t that close.

A few weeks ago we were all talking about ideas for mums birthday gifts and they asked what I was getting. I said I’d already bought an item of jewellery which they asked to see so I showed it to them online. It’s quite expensive and something my mum always says she likes but would never treat herself to. They said it’s expensive and I said she’s only 70 once and that my kids would be contributing a little towards it. They showed me some things they were thinking of getting mum which I agreed she would really like.

Today, one of my half sisters have asked my son how much he is contributing to the gift. He told them he wasn’t sure exactly but around £200. He said they asked in a casual way so thought nothing of answering. My half sisters have now said they would also like to give me £200 each so that the gift can be from them as well. I’ve said no, I’d rather get it from just me, my husband and our children and they should get something else like they planned. It’s quite expensive and something my mum first seen when she was with me and although I’m happy for my children to contribute a small amount of the total due to them being my children, I’m not happy for my half sisters to only contribute a small amount to an expensive gift and then say it’s from us all. They think I’m being unfair.

My mum is the type of person who will love anything any of us buy her. I’ve bought her things for a few pounds in the past that she treasures so she would not let this gift overshadow anything at all that her other children get her.

What do you think? AIBU?

OP’s sisters are lazy CF who want to muscle in on the gift - both lazy and tight.

As for the “main character” accusation - there’s always someone on MN who thinks giving anything bigger than a plastic ring out of a cracker smeared in dog poo is excessively flashy.

Buy the thing OP (my guess is it’s a tennis bracelet) and encourage your mum to wear it every opportunity she has including down the bingo if that’s her thing.

Hahahhahahahahaa. The only response to their suggestion is to laugh at them. Seriously. Just laugh. Cheap cheecky fucking fuckers.

Thats fine if all people agree on that upfront. Not one person inserts themselves.

This makes literally no sense. Of course the car would be fair. Where gift giving is concerned it’s not the responsibility of people who have more money to spend, to compensate for those who don’t.

Do your sisters feel that such an expensive gift might need to be shared ? Maybe they feel that .Anyway just say "No its ok ,you get Mum something else ,its fine" No need for drama surely .Its up to you what you buy of course .As above PP said though I would be a bit worried as a Mum ,if my DS bought something so dear ,And I would be wanting him to spend it on himself.(just the way lots of us Mums are!)

No way. Tell them to buy there own gift.

You're turning it into all about you. It's a selfish attitude.
Any mum would and should be pleased that their child got their car from the ex as any mum should be pleased for their child.

To feel totally inadequate is making it all about you and not what's best for the 21 year old. Be gracious.

I think you should think about what your mum would like and put your ego aside. Would it be more special if it came from the whole family? At 70 i am sure she has almost everything she needs and it sounds like your sisters don’t have the means to match your very expensive gesture. Rather than them getting stuff she doesn’t really need, isn’t it more sensible for them to contribute towards what you’ve bought? If you think they could afford to give a little more than 200 quid then ask for a higher amount.

Tell them you will only go with this if they each contribute a third of the cost. They'll soon lose interest.

You are totally within your rights to decline their contribution. Just tell them that no, they cannot contribute. It is a gift from you to her, not a shared gift. So they will have to organise their own because it is not up for discussion.

And then just ignore!

The sisters have already suggested some things that the OP agreed their mum would really like. They can buy her those!

The monetary value of a gift doesn't make it the best present necessarily, when my late mother had a big birthday we were stumped, she didn't 'need' anything and wasn't a jewellery lover. Eventually I got together a whole load of photos, starting from her as a young bride up to the present day and put them into a frame She adored it more than anything else she got.

They can indeed but my point stands: what would mum prefer? If op thinks she would like separate gifts then great go for that but if her motivation is to make herself look better rather than what would make the recipient happier then she should make that the priority and not make it about her ego.

I think this is less about OP’s ego and more about her siblings being cheap.

It’s not the older sister’s job to make it right for everyone else!

She and her family decided what they wanted to do and then got on with it.

OP researched and chose the gift. By herself and with the intention of giving to her mum from herself because she knew it was something she would like. Why are you cheapening that by suggesting that her only motivation is to make herself look better ? There is not only pleasure to be had in receiving, but there is pleasure in giving too. And there’s nothing wrong with that. Sometimes things simply are as they seem - her siblings are trying to make themselves look good on the cheap, and at OP’s expense.

Since when did gift giving become an elite sporting competition?

Yep. The list of ‘only on MN’ grows daily !!

Im not suggesting she make it right for everyone, just for mum on her birthday. It won’t cost OP anything to allow sisters to come in on the gift; in fact she’d make a small bit of money back. It’s not the same as them saying you go and choose something for all of us; she’s already done the choosing. The only thing it would cost is a bit of the ‘glory’ of giving the show gift and im saying that is a slightly selfish way of gift giving.

Well, presumably yes they might not be able to afford/have planned to spend more than £200 each. But £200 x2 would buy a (very) nice gift for their mum - they would just have to put some thought into choosing what to buy and actually buying it.

If they had talked about a joint gift, or they
all get a joint gift then they should have all arranged that sooner and agreed budgets.

OP has thought and budgeted and purchased this gift for her mum. The sisters (presumably) agree it is a lovely gift that their mum will appreciate and want to join in/feel that something else will be seen as "less than". Maybe there is some resentment that OP can afford to contribute more and they think her gift is too much.

I think it's fair enough for OP to not want to share/dilute the gift she has thought of, purchased and paid for. And that her sisters should understand a gentle "this gift is for mum from me and my DC. You know that for mum it's not about the money and that she will appreciate whatever thoughtful gift that sisters choose".

Sweeneytodds razor I think all presents are received equally.I mean as a Mum chocs /flowers are always welcomed. Im sure Mum will be thrilled with the jewellery .She will also like her other DDS gifts I m sure .I mean I doubt she will have her calculator at the ready to tot it all up! Its the thought that counts!

From a mum of mid/late 20’s and a nearly 40 year olds perspective I would prefer the gift from all my three DC even if the older one mentioned lately they had paid for most of it.

The point here is that the sisters had no hand in choosing the gift. They’ve simply hit on a way to be included as givers of a very expensive gift on the cheap. If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it is a duck.

Things like the car happen all the time. Yes the parent who didn't buy the car might feel put out. But would hopefully give themselves a shake and snap out of it.
The will comment is terrible. What are you thinking?

Thats quite a materialistic way of looking at it. Presumably the OPs mum would prefer three nicely thought out presents from her daughter's irrespective of the price tag.