AIBU to refuse adding my half sisters to Mum's birthday gift from me?

[DanceLikeBridgerton]

My mum is 70 in December. I have 2 younger half sisters who are my mums daughters, not with my father. We get on ok but aren’t that close.

A few weeks ago we were all talking about ideas for mums birthday gifts and they asked what I was getting. I said I’d already bought an item of jewellery which they asked to see so I showed it to them online. It’s quite expensive and something my mum always says she likes but would never treat herself to. They said it’s expensive and I said she’s only 70 once and that my kids would be contributing a little towards it. They showed me some things they were thinking of getting mum which I agreed she would really like.

Today, one of my half sisters have asked my son how much he is contributing to the gift. He told them he wasn’t sure exactly but around £200. He said they asked in a casual way so thought nothing of answering. My half sisters have now said they would also like to give me £200 each so that the gift can be from them as well. I’ve said no, I’d rather get it from just me, my husband and our children and they should get something else like they planned. It’s quite expensive and something my mum first seen when she was with me and although I’m happy for my children to contribute a small amount of the total due to them being my children, I’m not happy for my half sisters to only contribute a small amount to an expensive gift and then say it’s from us all. They think I’m being unfair.

My mum is the type of person who will love anything any of us buy her. I’ve bought her things for a few pounds in the past that she treasures so she would not let this gift overshadow anything at all that her other children get her.

What do you think? AIBU?

My children want to contribute. They have got her some things just from them, including something made by one of my children. I have also bought my mum other gifts so she’ll have plenty of gifts. 😉

Tell them, they are not your children!

Anyway, you could help them out and find an expensive gift they can buy your mother that you know she’ll also love. A £400 handbag for instance.

God, that is insufferable! They can’t see the difference between them and your children?!

How are they harassing you-by text? Ultimately, the bottom line is that you’ve said no, so they’ll have to sort out their own presents, no matter how UNFAIR they think this is!

They are massive CFs! Stay strong!

Loads of people on here missing the point.

It's not about how much the gift costs. £20, £200, £2000 - irrelevant.

It's about the sisters who are too idle to think of something themselves and expect OP to do the legwork for them. And who want to tag their name onto someone else's gift. Laaaazy ...

They offered £200, presumably from each of them. They will be able to find something lovely for £400 between them.

And make sure the gift tags and any cards say exactly who they are from.

They have asked to contribute. I said they can if they want to but don’t have to as it would still be from us all whether they contribute or not. It’s their choice. They are young adults who work full time. They are also giving their GM other gifts, just from them. There is no issue with my children as much as you want to try to make one.

If someone asked who they were, I’d say my half sisters, because they are. I didn’t realise it was so controversial. I also have a brother and a step brother who I describe as my brother and my step brother. 😅

Great that your children are taking a bit of responsibility for making a contribution. Especially as they work.

Have a great birthday day.

I’d either laugh at how ridiculous they’re being and tell them that if they genuinely think that they are equivalent to your children, then you don’t know what else to say to them.

Or tell them that you cannot listen to them whine any more, you’ve decided that they’re right and that it’s unfair, so you’ve returned your children’s contributions to them and divided the cost of the gift into however many of you are talking about contributing and as soon as you receive their £1000, you’ll add their name to the gift.

Or send them a clip of the Royle Family where Dave and Denise raid their children’s piggy banks for £25 to give Jim and Barbara as a gift. Their other son, Anthony, is going to give them £500, so they ask if they can just add their money and give it to them as a joint gift. Ask your half sisters if this is what they’re asking you to do.

Say that you’re pretty sure that the one thing your mum wouldn’t want is for all of this bickering going on behind the scenes between her daughters, so you’ll stick to your gifts, they can stick to their gifts, it’s not a competition and it won’t make the slightest bit of difference to her as to who spent what, just so long as her day isn’t overshadowed by an atmosphere.

And are your brother and half brother also guilt-tripping you into adding them into your present buying idea?

Yanbu in the least.

I also have a half sister (same dad). She's 15 years older than me and we were never close and only lived together for a year. If we had been close I think I would just call her a sister because for me it's about emotional connection. Half sister describes our link very well; by dna from one parent but not close as sisters.

In which case your reasoning is about your Mums preference and not about your feelings. You did ask whether you were being unreasonable; I gave my opinion. With this new information my revised opinion is you are probably not being unreasonable. But it does sound like you are taking out your resentment about your mums second family on your step sisters.

YADNBU your half sisters are wanting to be treated as your children which is ridiculous. If they want in then they pay a financially fair contribution. It would be a different thing if you offered to do it because they could not afford much or were still kids themselves.

All these people are supposedly grown adults...

In a nutshell, you've sourced and bought akin to a £3000 necklace for your mum's significant birthday.

Two half siblings have said "can we chip in £200 and say it's from all 3 of us"

Absolutely the fuck not.

Ignore any contribution from a child, that's irrelevant. It's a token gesture from your own child.

They are incredibly cheeky fuckers. This is like my mum and stepdad paying £25k for my (first) wedding, and exh dad and stepmum paying nothing until they were asked and then begrudgingly £150 towards the £650 cake. Then proceeding to stand at the beautiful reception crowing to people that yes it was a lovely wedding "they and my parents had paid for." Never seen my lovely placid stepdad so inwardly ready to punch someone.

Yanbu.
It's not even about the cost, it's the fact that they are wanting to share credit for your gift and /or are just too lazy to put any effort in.
They can buy their own gifts.

You’re not wrong Op - just tell them no & ignore anything else they say after that.

I get it, OP.

1. You didn’t grow up with them.
2. You’re subsidising your CHILDREN. They are not your children.

I had this with my sister trying to take over something I researched and wanted to send just from me. Could you give it to your Mum early and explain you have bought it from you and kids because it is meaningful to you and Mum @DanceLikeBridgerton and stop this nonsense that way? Sounds like they won’t give up otherwise.

Next time, don’t over-share with your siblings. “It’s a surprise for the big day.” They need to grow up.

I think you're right, your gift should be from you and your immediate family. Your step sisters can get their own gift.

If you agreed, I bet you would never see thr money from them.

Wow. They are cheeky.

I wouldn’t give them nearly as much info about any plans you have in future either