AIBU to refuse adding my half sisters to Mum's birthday gift from me?

[DanceLikeBridgerton]

My mum is 70 in December. I have 2 younger half sisters who are my mums daughters, not with my father. We get on ok but aren’t that close.

A few weeks ago we were all talking about ideas for mums birthday gifts and they asked what I was getting. I said I’d already bought an item of jewellery which they asked to see so I showed it to them online. It’s quite expensive and something my mum always says she likes but would never treat herself to. They said it’s expensive and I said she’s only 70 once and that my kids would be contributing a little towards it. They showed me some things they were thinking of getting mum which I agreed she would really like.

Today, one of my half sisters have asked my son how much he is contributing to the gift. He told them he wasn’t sure exactly but around £200. He said they asked in a casual way so thought nothing of answering. My half sisters have now said they would also like to give me £200 each so that the gift can be from them as well. I’ve said no, I’d rather get it from just me, my husband and our children and they should get something else like they planned. It’s quite expensive and something my mum first seen when she was with me and although I’m happy for my children to contribute a small amount of the total due to them being my children, I’m not happy for my half sisters to only contribute a small amount to an expensive gift and then say it’s from us all. They think I’m being unfair.

My mum is the type of person who will love anything any of us buy her. I’ve bought her things for a few pounds in the past that she treasures so she would not let this gift overshadow anything at all that her other children get her.

What do you think? AIBU?

This. 100%

You are not being unreasonable. It is a question of saying no to them without sounding irritated.

"Thanks so much for offering to chip in on mum's birthday gift - that's really sweet of you but we've already got it covered but thank you - maybe we can do something together for her another time"? You could, if you want, soften it by offering to meet up with them or take your mum for a cup of tea?

Tell them if they want to chip in its £x,xxx each. They won't ask again.

I think it’s quite the “main character” act to give your mum such a massive thousands of pounds gift and not allow your sisters to contribute to be honest. It’s a ridiculous amount of money to spend tbh on one item of jewelry unless she is a member of the royal family- where is she likely to wear this? Down the bingo? Doing the garden? It just smacks of “look what a wonderful daughter I am” to me and I think it’s ridiculous.
Your sisters cannot possibly give something that’s going to even make a dent in the birthday gifts now and you know it. So congratulations, you win. Hope your mum
leaves it to you in her will or it will be split 3 ways between you and your sisters anyway and they’ll get more than £200 worth.

What a spiteful post, @D0gMum26 .

YANBU! Stick to your guns on this one! They can get their own gift!

I think it’s a spiteful thing to buy such a gift for a mum and not let the rest of her “children” contribute. How can anyone top that gift? It’s the kind of gift parents can give a child or a husband can give a wife.
If the situation was a separated couple and the dad wanted to give the child a new car for their 21st and mum only a normal gift would that be fair?
I just think the gift isn’t really about or for the mum- or why would it matter who had contributed what. Maybe £200 to a younger adult with more expenses and outgoings is similar to £1000s by one whose mortgage is paid off and has savings? Why cut them out ?

Did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning @D0gMum26? How spiteful.

@D0gMum26 People don't usually mentally rank gifts received from loved ones based on their monetary value. Do you?

Stick to your plan but offer your DSisters a suggestion approx 200 each. A set of earings or a brooch that would look great.

Or just give them confidence to choose their own gift by saying that your mother would really love to think of them whenever she wears/uses their gift. And it should be separate.

Yes because it makes the receiver happy and its about their birthday not anyone else. Particularly at 70. But then I love choosing gifts and my siblings have a lot of struggles so I'm just happy to include them. It's definitely not worth getting upset about. Totally fair for other people to have other views but the poster did ask so I offered my opinion. I'd file this under not worth energy worrying about

This. I think one of the sisters has entered the chat.

Yeah if they want the gift to be received off 3 people the price needs splitting 3 ways, their being cheeky fuckers

Surely it’s not about ‘topping the gift’. This isn’t birthday top trumps. OP has gone to the trouble of finding something she knows her mum will love and which was very expensive. Her half siblings are muscling in on that simply to be able to say the gift was from everyone, without making anywhere near the contribution which would justify that. It’s cheap and it’s lazy.

Just do a bright and breezy “it’s ok thanks we have it covered, you get something nice for mum so she has a few things to open”. Repeat. Don’t entertain it and close the convo down. Sounds like a lovely present to receive.

Would you let them tag on if each of them pays 1/3 and comes from your mums children instead of your family ? Maybe suggest that and see if they are as keen! (I suspect they won’t be, but it will shut them up)

Of course they should buy one of their original ideas. Your gift is done and there’s nothing to add onto.
If you’ve bought a particular item is there some way of them adding to make it a set - eg they get a similar pendant or something which picks up the same style/colours?

I would phrase it like this, as you had already planned to get it from your family they may as well spend their two hundred pounds each on getting something else for your mum so that she has another gift. They could get be an activity/spa day etc

It was wasn’t it!?
tbh I think it’s a watch, though now I’m enjoying the idea of OP getting her mum a diamond tiara!

No, £200 is a token grandchild amount my son wanted to contribute. I’m happy to split it by three if you want to, and you pay £1500 each, but I think it’s best if you choose her something else as this is already paid for.

They need to sort their own gifts. This reminds me of by brother, aged 38, asking me what “we’re giving mum for Mother’s Day” one year. I said I’d got my gift and he was welcome to sort his.

As for main character bollocks. My sister recently took our mum on a weekend break which cost mega bucks. Were the rest of us annoyed she was being so generous or showing off? Of course not! She was in a position to give our mum a wonderful experience and we were all delighted for both of them. Because while one of my brothers is a bit of a lazy git we’re a close well adjusted family who love and want the best for each other.

I hope your mum has a fabulous birthday OP and I’m sure she’ll treasure your thoughtful gift.

No way. Stick to your guns.

Yes the car would be totally fair. People don’t have to reduce their gifts because someone else in their life has less money.

Life isn’t fair. People with money do not have to spend their lives trying to equalise the lives of other people in it with less

Well, that's a shame. But no sibling would be responsible for your feelings? They are a personal issue.

I am youngest of 4, my presents for years were not as expensive as my siblings, like when I was at college but they were working.. but I paid much more attention to mum and her likes so my presents were just as appreciated because they were wanted and thoughtful. All good for mum and that's the main thing and I never once felt crap.

It’s also about the money spent. OP has spent what I’m assuming is a couple of thousand on the gift. The two siblings want to contribute £200 each and for the gift to be described as ‘from all of us’. Jog on.