To think that my friends partner was a twat

[blackoutblindz]

My friend and colleague has been in a relationship for the past two years. She is middle aged, a lady and so kind and polite.
Her partner is a widower of some years.
We met recently at a work event and my partner and I were very excited to meet and socialise with them.
My friend got drunk quickly but I didn’t realise she had been drinking until afterwards. She got quite clammy and poorly looking and stumbled. I thought she was going to faint. I reached out to steady her and so did my partner , at the same time.
Her own partner was walking out of the room when this happened so didn’t see her or the stumble.
My partner followed him to tell him that undressed unwell and faint.
He sneered that there was nothing wrong with her and returned.
Later that evening , her partner cornered mine and was aggressive and basically implied that we interfered, it was none of our business and there was nothing wrong with her . My partner responded, shocked, by saying that we just tried to help her and also help by informing him. He then got up quite close and aggressively spat that we didn’t even know her and then stormed out with a gesture of his hand which seemed to suggest..’ F off away from me ..’
My partner did it tell me this unti the next day so as not to upset the atmosphere of our work event.
Im completely shocked!
She has not said anything to me but keeps telling me how lovely my partner is and how lucky we are to be together etc etc. strange ?
Help me understand what happened here objectively.
was he a twat or did we overstep.
For reference , she is regularly unsteady on her feet on nights out but I’ve never seen her so pale and wobbly.
Thanks .

Majorly twattish. I'd be there for her in the future when he goes full scale twat.

I’d be seriously worried about how she’d become so pale and whether he was involved in some sinister way. Him trying to make sure no one got involved or tried to help her is a huge red flag.
Can you speak to her away from him?

Why is she so often unsteady on her feet during nights out? That sounds concerning. Her partner's reaction was certainly bizarre.

Did she drink to that excess prior to this relationship?
Could he have gotten her drunk without her knowledge?doubles instead of singles fpr example ?does he do drugs ?
Yanbu to be very concerned and you most certainly didn't overstep at all. Can you meet her for coffee without him?she needs to know his behaviour isn't acceptable ..

She needs to stop drinking yes he sounds like a prat but he is not to blame for her doing this

It's possible that she's a piss head and he's fed up of her getting drunk when they go out - hence the 'you don't know her' comment.

What lead up to him cornering your DP, or did he just randomly do it?

He was also drinking heavily and was slurring when we arrived. Maybe she gets drunk a lot and he is sick of it but she has messaged me so much since about how lovely my own partner is and if he enjoyed the event so I feel like she is sounding me out and may not know what’s happened. My partner was not impressed and suggested drugs but also felt that he was quite rough

He deliberately sought out my partner when both my friend and I were not there and was aggressive and looking for an argument by my partners account .
Inwonder if he felt my partner was over dramatic following him to ask him to come back to my friend ?

Maybe or maybe he felt judged.

Either way, he and your friend really need to stop drinking if this is how they act when they do.

Sounds like she either has alcohol issues or serious medical issues they are trying to keep quiet about.

If she's a friend, I would try to talk with her alone (ideally not at work, but also away from her partner) and tell her what happened with the partner and ask if SHE was upset by her (your/your partner's) behaviour and would want you and your partner to "butt out" and just leave her to stumble and take care of herself if anything like that happens again. You could even frame it as wanting to apologise if you'd upset HER (not the partner). I might not mention the drinking right away, unless she brings it up, but just physically describer what you observed. I wouldn't back off based on partner's say so and I do think his outburst is something she should know about, just keep it factual and not too emotional.

edited

You have a really odd writing style.

She regularly gets very drunk on nights out? Is that what you’re saying? Why?

Sounds like there’s already something unhealthy going on with her and new bloke has fitted into or exploited that.

Also reads as her fishing for you to say something about her partner. Don’t. Do focus on her.

Yeah he’s sick of her shit by the sounds of it, she needs to put the alcohol down and he needs to leave if she is stressing him so much. It sounds like your partner (and now you) are really making him out to be the bad guy but have you ever lived with someone who is a big drinker?

Focusing completely on her . I haven’t answered any of her questions about my
partner and I have no interest in meeting her own partner again. She regularly gets very drunk on wine.

He shouldn't have got aggressive but I can understand why he's sick to the back teeth of it then.

I think if I were him I wouldn't have returned after leaving.

I expect there's a lot of dysfunction behind the scenes with these people.

I doubt this is the first time this knobhead has behaved in this aggressive manner. I would swerve any more outing with both of them there, and think carefully about talking to her about his behaviour. She might wish to deny that he is a nasty piece and that might open another can of worms.
Tread very carefully OP

Why is he with her if he doesn't like her drinking? And apparently he was drunk too.

Perhaps he had said something to upset her which was why she was pale and wobbly, so he knew, didn't care and didn't want to be told. Doesn't seem like he cares about her very much in any case.

You can't really say anything because she's going to take his side and fall out. Best just to be there ready for when the shit hits the fan, and watch for any signs of abuse. He sounds utterly vile, and this I imagine is just a small taster as to what she puts up with.

My first thought was he drugged her, her falling around the place, him getting defensive and saying she is fine. All sounds very odd.

I hope he’s not spiking her drinks.

The more you say, the more it sounds like she has a massive drink problem and he’s really embarrassed about that.

They both sound like they're drinking too much. I would be stepping back unless she's a really good friend, in which case I'd speak to her about getting some help. But it doesn't help unless she's ready for it.