To feel a bit sad to get only a thumbs up from old boss

[Hoppity80]

I realise this is a tiny issue in the scale of all that is happening in the world but a little sad about it for some reason!
My profession is something a bit creative and there are not many of us in our industry. It’s kind of like being a musician in a part of the orchestra but not that.
I worked for 3 years - say as one of two players of an orchestral section - the other player was a renowned head of section who had been there for nearly 25 years and was a bit of a legend. I thought we got on really well and did a great job together and got lots of praise. He was always very complementary of me.

I moved to another role on promotion where I did well and but the next job unfortunately was a bit of a difficult experience. The person who took me on left and the new person got rid of me and replaced me with one of their mates, claiming I wasn't very good, which did feel awful and very unfair at the time. I was quite traumatised by it to be honest and really struggled to get over feelings of being worthless and a lack of confidence in my abilities for a while.

I am back on track again but was a bit thrown when former boss announced on social media he was retiring. Cue lots of people, including me, lining up to tell him how talented he is, including other people who did my role in his section. Old boss responded to each of them telling him he loved working with them and they were incredibly talented etc.
On my comment he responded with a single ‘thumbs up’ and no reply.

It is a tiny thing but I feel quite disproportionately upset by it and thrown . It has brought back all the memory of the horrid firing event - can’t help thinking that perhaps old, nice boss too - thought I was a bit rubbish.

Help me get over it and myself!

Sounds thoughtless off him. Were the people he replied to people he's currently working with and you're not? Out of sight out of mind sort of thing?

No all those people are working at different organisations and nice boss not super social, so don’t think they see each other very much. I will avoid ruminating on it too much!

If he always praised you when you worked together then I think that’s what you should focus on. I don’t think is reason to revise what he said then. I’m clumsy on SM and if have lots of comments to respond to I’m not always methodical about responding. Chances are something interrupted him or he lost focus and just did a quick reply to you with a thumbs up.
I’d probably feel like you do - but I try and tell myself in this sort of situation that people aren’t generally mean just stuff gets in the way.

What time did you post relative to others?

A lot of the time people respond to a number of initial comments - then log in later and see a load more and just thumbs up those ones due to lack of time/sheer number.

This is precisely why when I post a job update on linked in I heart everyone’s comment and never personalise a response. Because with the volume it’s hard to keep up.

It's social media. It doesn't mean anything, especially LinkedIn if that what it was, because linkedin is a fucking cesspit.

Just.... forget about it.

you are not being unreasonable to feel like that as I think lots of others would feel the same. But if might be absolutely nothing to do with you. He might have meant to respond to you but completely forgot/didn't press send or it didn't post for whatever reason, or started responding to people but got overwhelmed by the sheer amount of people commenting, or saw yours and thought 'ah I liked working with X, I'll give her a ring when I'm finished and catch up with her in person,' or literally anything!

Look at the facts instead - he complimented you face to face when you worked together - that takes a lot more effort than typing on a screen. He worked with you for 3 years so clearly didn't think you were shit, or would have used his influence to try and get rid of you. You've had a promotion and been hired by several different orgs even if one didn't work out - sounds like you are in a competitive and specialised industry so you definitely can't be shit. You've built a career in this industry and only ever had one issue with someone who sounds like a knob = overwhelming evidence that it's them and not you! If you were shit you wouldn't get good references, wouldn't have got a promotion, wouldn't receive compliments.

Yes it might be that

I thought this.

Thank you! This is Mumsnet at its best. And i do realise the difference between complimentary and complementary! Although I haven't used it here!
To answer questions I did reply a few days after everyone else, so that might be the reason!

Oh I feel for you OP. I work with a manager who is nice and chatty to everyone else but for some reason doesn’t like me (fair enough not everyone can like you) but it does hurt when everyone says how great he is and funny when I get a thumbs up back. You are allowed to feel what you feel xx

I’m sorry you’re feeling hurt. As others have said, try not to let it feed into bad memories of another work experience.

If it helps, I left a job where I was responsible for and mentor to a lot of people. When my leaving was announced I was deluged with messages and I still feel guilty that I didn’t respond to all of them. The truth is, I’m an introvert, I was tired, I was leaving the job under less than ideal circumstances (to do with my own bosses, not those I mentored or led) and I just didn’t have the spoons. It was nothing to do with them individually or how I feel about them.

Ah OP, I can understand how you are feeling. I’m just coming out of a fairly “toxic” professional music environment and I feel my self confidence has been crushed. I would also be reading too much into this. But I think PPs are probably right, he’s probably been overwhelmed by responses. I feel the same in my birthday!

Hope things improve for you.

Sometimes you get so many responses you lose the will to live and just like the comments rather than post.
I wouldn't take it personally - he didn't sack you so you were clearly doing something right. Sometimes when you move job, the personality fit just doesn't work, so move on to something which does.
Good luck in your future roles.

I’m not sure that is a tiny thing. If he literally replied to everyone else with compliments I’d say that’s quite pointed.

Do you suffer from RSD?
Be kind to yourself. Reassure yourself. All is ok.

I understand your reaction but I voted YABU, people who are retiring often feel overwhelmed with emotion, it’s a really big change.

He might have run out of time, or emotional bandwidth. He might reply later.

As pp’s have said focus on the excellent feedback you got at the time, don’t let a bad experience with a poor manager sour all your good memories of this one.

Just to update old boss added a lovely message! Perhaps he is a secret mumsnetter!

Glad to hear, OP ❤️