how do you reduce your stress levels when everything seems unrelenting?
In the past couple of months, a monumental amount of crap has happened in my life on top of an already fairly stressful day to day existence.
My MIL had a 2 week stay in hospital, then my mother broke her leg and needed visits in hospital and then support when she returned home. My god mother died which I found incredibly upsetting. A week or 2 later my husband collapsed and is now undergoing ongoing tests for his heart which have shown something up. We took a quick holiday away together because we were absolutely exhausted and whilst away my mum had a heart attack and upon our return she moved in with us temporarily so we could help her get back on her feet. My middle child gave up her room so my mum could have it and has been sleeping on the sofa for the past 3.5 weeks! Mum has been very well behave and everyone has bumbled along but the logistics of it all are quite tricky.
When we were abroad and I heard about my mum, I think it tipped me over the edge and I have been experiencing really bad panic attacks ever since, they are so bad at night! I have never ever had this before. I saw my Dr who prescribed propranolol to manage them and it worked with most of them but some of them are so bad even that didn't help. for those he gave me diazepam (I have only had to take it 3 times as I am conscious it is pretty addictive) and he also gave me escitalopram as a longer term solution. Ordered blood tests so check for anything underlying and listened to my heart which he said was fine.
With all of this going on I already have a pretty hectic life. I have 2 adult kids who both have SEN needs, the oldest is trans, autistic/ADHD/Dyslexic and struggles massively. It effects their communication and how they experience the world, they way they converse and absorb information. They don't understand a lot of stuff and when I see their peers who are off at uni, driving cars, building careers and we are still chasing GCSE's and I feel a sense of despair, I don't know if they will ever catch up. I don't know how to properly help them. Everything they do needs a massive amount of support and it is exhausting. We managed to get them a job but it requires very early wake ups and they absolutely hate the job. We are applying for other roles and secure interviews but they never seem to get the actual job which hugely dents their self confidence and its very disappointing given the hours of prep we put into each interview! They also just need a lot of emotional support, they find life very hard, they become very negative and depressed and like to talk everything through with me, which I am so glad about. We are very close and I am glad they feel comfortable with me, but I find it exhausting and very overwhelming at times.
Middle child has sever anxiety around leaving the house, its hard to get her to go anywhere (Thanks a lot covid!) and whilst she doesn't have the communication issues my older child has, she still needs lots of support in getting her to collage and managing lots of aspects of her life etc. She also likes her routine, so being evicted from her room whilst my mum has been staying has been hard for her.
I don't want it to sound like I am moaning about my kids, I love them deeply and I am very grateful for the close relationship we have, I am just really overwhelmed by their needs from me at times.
I also have a 3rd child who has just started school.
My job is all good, very busy at the moment and at times stressful, but I would be lost without it and I am glad to have it as a distraction from everything else going on. It's something I feel good at and I feel like I am making a difference. My manager is also super supportive with everything that has been going on which I am very luck to have.
Our house gets full of stuff very quickly so I spend a lot of my time off cleaning and decluttering.
Husband works nights and is always tired from them but does all the school pick ups and some of the drop offs so I can get to work.
I am really worried about my own health at the moment, I can feel the toll all of this stress is taking on me and I get really scared that my heart is going to pack in eventually but equally have no idea how to reduce the stress. It just seems to be never ending. The kids are going to need ongoing support for years to come, I am not sure if my eldest will every move out. He will certainly need support in some form from us for the rest of his life, but I do also have hope that he does inch a little bit closer with each year that passes in catching up to where he should be. And I am very proud of how he has taken to working and he has been catching busses lately which is a new skill he is managing so perhaps I need to be a bit more hopeful for the future. I think I feel like everything lands on me. My husband often says I need to stop being the manager of everything, but its very hard to do that when it's all you have ever known. I feel like at the moment my nervous system is constantly on high alert and won't switch off so everything feels like an emergency. I am not sure how to make things better.
Any advice would be appreciated, and please be kind because I feel incredibly overwhelmed and fragile at the mo.