AIBU to not know how best to tackle this complex bereavement and practical matters?

[FedAndWatered]

I have an elderly aunt who has just died. She was a private person and had a rift with family about fifty years ago, so I had not met her very often. I have lived an hour away and have had young kids with additional needs. Since I’m the nearest relative, and older relatives are unwell, it has fallen on me to do practical things like registering the death and arranging the funeral. She had rented a flat for forty years and it is in a very poor standard with mould in the bathroom up the walls & all over the ceiling. There is a lot of stuff in bad condition (sofas, old furniture in a very cramped space) which looks like it should just be thrown out.

There is an executor of the will (Co op legal services) and a pre paid funeral plan. She has some friends who I will obviously keep in touch with and invite. I’m not even sure how to get in contact with her business contacts since I cannot access her phone.

My question is how do I begin to approach this? It seems probate is needed and I need to get this underway.

Am I legally next of kin? ChatGPT says yes but is there no strict legal definition? My mother is uber stressed about it all and going to pieces at the thought of being asked to do anything. My mother also is far away and not in sufficient health to deal with this and another surviving sister has dementia.

You don't need to do anything if you're not the executer of her Will. It's up to Co-op to apply for probate and administer her estate according to her Will, which will include clearing her property.

I think you should try and let co-op’s executor know that you exist, but that’s it.

Are they supposed to deal with all the electricity and gas companies and landlords etc too?

Co op have suggested there will be an extra charge if there is probate. So I can just let them get on with it? This is all new to me.

I am sorry your going through this. It sounds challenging.

We recently lost someone and a solicitor was the executor. We were told that it makes everything much more time consuming and expensive. We were able to get the solicitor to relinquish the executorship so that the people named in the will became joint executors. This made all the admin much easier.

I was under the impression that if we hadn't become executors then the Solicitors who were would have had to have done probate for us. We have actually managed to do it ourselves.

I used a probate accountant after my DH passed. It was thousands and thousands cheaper than solicitors whom wanted a percentage of the total estate value.

The Co op lady had given me a list of tasks so I thought these were my tasks.

This is good to know about the probate accountant. Thank you.

I don’t understand why the executor would not be the one applying for probate and registering the death. My mum died in January and although I don’t have a very clear memory of it all, I remember being asked quite often whether I was the executor, which I was. I guess perhaps some would want a solicitor to minimise the costs, or perhaps there isn’t really enough money for the lawyers to do everything? But I’m not sure whether they have the right to make others do things in that case.

Worth having another conversation with the solicitor?

Have you got a decent funeral director helping you? Put a notice in the local paper and neighbourhood FB group? and another one in a professional journal or Facebook group for her profession? But don’t worry too much. Do what you can, not everything anyone can possibly think of.

Yeah speak to the co-op. They will no doubt try to get you to do their job if you agree but they’re being paid! The estate may not need probate but they should be able to work it out.

I’m not completely sure you are next of kin if you have older relatives. And if you’re not an executor then you absolutely won’t be able to deal with electricity companies etc, they may well refuse to deal with you. Once you’ve got the death certificate the executor should be able to deal with all of that.

Absolutely! If you’re not executor of the Will, there isn’t any responsibility on you to arrange anything.

@FedAndWatered yes, so unless you are a beneficiary in the Will, then there is absolutely zero point you getting involved.

"Next of kin" is a bit of a legal fiction. It doesn't confer status / authority / responsibility in the way most people believe it does

If Co-op are the executors, then it's their responsibility to wind up the estate

If they give you a list of tasks, they're just telling you what needs to be done. If you wish to do it, that's fine. But if you don't, I imagine Co-op would attend to it and pass on any costs to the estate eg if they hire a house clearing firm instead of you dealing with it, then those fees would be taken out of your aunt's estate

Yes. They will take their fees from the estate. It's their job to deal with all of this, not yours.

That’s what I thought - with that in mind if you intend to plan the funeral be careful the funeral directors don’t try to upsell and exceed the what your aunt’s plan can cover if possible, as they most certainly will try to bamboozle you into bigger bouquets, more cars etc. Again the extra costs should be covered by the estate, but still you might think it’s not worth it and may need to be firm with them.

Sorry for your loss.

Yes surely if co ip are the executors this is on them. Obviously they’ll charge for it which will come out of the estate.

sorry to be blunt but did she have any money?

I just came in here to ask the same. Not being blunt at all, merely practical. What is the value of the estate. You say your aunt lived in a pretty grotty flat - was she of modest means or could she possibly have had £millions stashed away somewhere?

If the former then probate unlikely to be needed.

@Mellowautumnmistsi think “not being blunt but practical” will be on my gravestone!

Leave it all to the executors, that is what they are there for. My mother died last year and I handed everything to her solicitor who was the executor. Obviously I had to give him certain information, like details of bank accounts and other financial info. She was in a care home so I gave him the care home's details and they sorted out the final amount owing between them.

After giving the solicitor the information he needed, the only thing I did was the personal stuff, like registering the death and arranging the direct cremation. Oh and I also used the government's 'tell us once' service.

Given the conditions your aunt lived in I'd be surprised if probate is needed. But if it is needed that means three is plenty of money in the estate to pay the executor so leave them to get on with it.

I think it's fairly clear that your aunt has set things up so that her estate can be sorted out by a third-party as she is estranged from her relations and doesn't expect any of them to do the work. I suspect your mother has suggested you need to do this, but she is probably wrong and is coming from a place of guilt. There will of course be a charge for somebody else to do probate but that is what your aunt has envisaged and booked. Presumably there is something in the estate to cover the costs? I would follow your aunt wishes and leave it to them to sort.

Thanks everyone.