Surely there's more to life?

[Zeldaaa1]

I'm lucky to work 4 days a week, I earn enough to live on and a little bit left over but still have to budget. I'm currently doing a qualification that will enable me to access higher salaries hopefully.

However life feels like, work, clean the home, shop, car maintenance, admin. I do things I enjoy, cinema and restaurants, holidays sometimes (usually low budget, can't afford luxury holidays.
Get 28 days a year of leave. I'm 36 now, sometimes you just think, is this it? I have some debts to pay off so friendship is mainly going for a coffee sometimes or low-budget things, can't afford these bottomless brunches etc (don't drink either) but I don't have best friends.

I work with the elderly and so I see how your world can get very small after a certain age if your mind and body have declined. I don't know what I'm looking for really.

I do have hobbies and they're fine, I enjoy them, then I go home and that's it until next week. I'm not sure how to feel better or more fulfilled, anyone else?

I take sertraline too (started beginning of sept)

“Life is meaningless, but worth living, provided you recognise it's meaningless.”

The universe does not give us a grand plan, a rulebook, or a set destiny.

You are still young enough to change your life.
Depends on what sort of things you do actually want , do you want to travel, do you have a mortgage that ties you down , only I follow many families and singletons on Instagram who like you were stuck in a never ending circle of work, bills, waiting for the weekends to arrive only to be too tired to enjoy them.
They threw it all in , packed their bags and left the UK many going to Bali and Malaysia where they live wonderful care free lives, it really does make you think after seeing them, we do only have one chance at life, go and do what you want with it, only you can make the decision.

I recently had a cancer scare where it very much looked like I was on the verge of diagnosis, it’s amazing how something like that can focus the mind.

All of a sudden it wasn’t the holidays I was focussed on, it was the small moments, I craved experiencing those little life joys we take for granted without the cloud of this potential diagnosis over me. Sitting in the garden with the sun on my face, listening to the birds, the smell of a coffee shop.

Sorry that all sounds very twee and I’m not expecting you to go and sit in the garden ans listen to the birds, I’ve no doubt my perceived brush with death will fade in days, but I guess it’s just to say I can understand why we need to focus on finding joy in the smaller things, those are the smaller things that add up and build our overall mood. Taking moments to not overly analyse our lives, our purpose, our goals, and actually just find small insignificant things to enjoy throughout your day, whatever they may be.

Just to add that before I experienced this my instinct would have been to say you control your life, if you’re not happy change it. But tbh your life doesn’t sound unpleasant, it sounds like you need to readjust your mentality to be happy in the mundanity of life, few of us are going to live a life of constant big events, you need to accept that much of life is a cycle of survival, maintenance with highs thrown in, you don’t want to always be seeking a high. What small adjustments can you make to your day in your current life to appreciate it more, while acknowledging it’s ok to be bored, tired etc as well. And maybe then if you identify you need something bigger, then do that.

Appreciating the small things helps me. Walks in nature watching leaves fall and standing on crunchy ones, watching sunsets, walks on the beach listening to the waves. Nice smelling creams, essential oils and soft blankets getting cosy with a good book or TV show. Exercise really helps getting the endorphins going too and it can feel like an accomplishment. You're working and doing a course so must have plenty of achievements to celebrate.
We live in a beautiful world, you're lucky to have decent shelter, employment and the opportunity to do courses and have some friends. You can lose sight of that with depression, I've been there, but do you really need more to life than what is there in front of you?

I understand OP and have often thought this. When younger I tended to have goals (buy a better house, better car, get married, career goals etc) but like you I felt I worked, watched tv, did chores, did a few hobbies. I was busy and tired but it did feel like a hamster wheel going round and round.

Now I'm older and took retirement in my fifties life does not seem to be that much different. The one thing that has given me joy has been my darling little dog. He is so funny and happy and joyful. Of course it has come with sacrifices - the cost, the mess, the curtailment of my social life, working part-time rather than full time. I suppose others might find this joy in their children (I don't have any). I think life is not some fun, exciting adventure but rather quite boring, repetitive and dreary for most of it. As others have said I think you just have to try and make each day as nice as possible whatever that means because that is all there is really.

So recently I have tried to appreciate the sunny but cooler weather, the darker nights and mornings as easier to sleep, the fact I am relatively healthy and have no money worries. Having looked after elderly parents until they died it does not get better. Just scarier and more worrying. I'm also finding life more lonely since they died and my dog is getting older.

I think the trick is to put up/minimise the bad/boring stuff and make the most of/enjoy the good stuff. So I read mumsnet and enjoy a milky coffee. I watch the dog scamper around the park like it's the first time he's ever been there. I'm pleased if I manage to find a good film to watch or a good book to read. I'm looking forward to moving house eventually as I don't like where I am (not the moving part obviously but the fresh start in new house part). I don't think you are alone in feeling this way.

As you get older you also realise that lots of what you thought was important when younger is utterly meaningless. Expensive clothes, posh make-up, spending a fortune at the hairdressers, new cars, fancy kitchen appliances - all things to do with acquiring material possessions I suppose.

I have no idea why I am here (on earth alive) and what my purpose is. I suppose for most of us we are supposed to 'breed' but lots of us aren't doing that anymore.

Sorry I don't suppose I have helped really except to say you are not alone and not thinking too far ahead and making each day as nice as you can is the best advice I have.

If you think you are depressed perhaps therapy of some sort. Good luck

“I suppose for most of us we are supposed to 'breed' but lots of us aren't doing that anymore.”

People have a powerful biological urge to have sex which often led to having children. Since birth control became widely available, sexual desire can be completely separated from a desire to reproduce.

I can completely understand this. I was diagnosed with a serious illness last year which has changed my life. I am recovering and have adjusted my mindset to accepting that this is something I have to live with for the rest of my life. I absolutely agree with the need to appreciate the small things in life. It’s very hard with the influence of social media as there is a huge focus on people having “everything” in life. In reality having somewhere safe to live with my family, where we can afford to eat and have a reasonable quality of life, and our children being healthy and happy is all that really matters to me.

I love living a life other people might think is small. Pottering in my garden brings me untold joy. I suppose you have to think carefully about what sort of life you want to have?

Much as I love and value the little things - family meals, playing a board game, walking my dog - I also know I value holidays and a break from the routine. So, I have pursued a career that means I can afford it. If you want more capacity to do things that cost money, you have the option to up your hours, but only you know where the balance is for you that will bring you the most joy.

What do you think is missing? I know I need a relationship, sex, a couple of deeper friendships, a few more chatty everyday friendships and a sense of purpose in my life to enjoy it. I have gone without each of these at various times and it's hard to get all of them at once, but I find if there's too many of these missing, then the little things like watching the birds, clean sheets, just aren't as enjoyable. I wouldn't be watching the birds if I wanted a relationship, I'd be reading books on dating and having a (painful) go at getting out there on Bumble. No amount of watching the birds or pottering through life would help me if I wanted kids and wasn't having them; I'd need good friends to pull me through.

If you are taking sertraline, then this sense of ennui or whatever it is called may lift. My experience with antidepressants is that they work, but in tandem with everything else, not instead of them, so crossed fingers that they start to do their work and have a think of the above as well, I like the self-help book 'Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway' and Mel Robbins is good too.

I actually find this quite helpful so thank you 🙂