‘You just can’t catch a break, can you!’

[wherearremykeys]

I’ve had a bit of a run of bad luck recently, and two people have said this to me and I don’t know … it feels almost a bit personal, like they are saying that I’ve brought on my own bad luck or that I’m cursed or something. Probably being a bit sensitive but genuinely interested to know if other would feel the same.

I would interpret 'can't catch a break' in the complete opposite way to be honest. To me it means you have had a run of bad luck that's completely out of your control. I think the intention behind the comment was probably to show sympathy.

It's not surprising that you're a bit sensitive if you're going through some difficult times though.

It's because the sentence starts with "you can't", I think. But honestly, I think when there's a lot of bad luck, people don't really know what to say for the best and say nothing (which might end up making you feel unsupported), lean on cliches ("this too shall pass", ewww) or tell you stories about their lives which may or may not be helpful.

I find it helps to know what I would like people to say, and in some ways, instruct them. "Life is terrible, please send me memes/ jokes/ TV recommendations/ curse this person with me" is a lot more actionable than "life is terrible [unsaid instruction for them to improvise, and God knows what will come out]".

Anyway, good luck, OP. I get it, and I really hope things get better for you.

Thanks - it was definitely intended kindly, just felt a bit like ‘OI, not my fault!’ 😂

Yes, I'd understand it like this too. They're sympathising at your run of bad luck.

And so am I! Hope things improve for you soon.

I don't think they're suggesting you're responsible for your bad luck at all. People say this when they're offering sympathy.
I hope things turn around for you very soon ❤️

I’d see it as them sympathising with me.

When people say this expression it is not accusatory.

It is intended to show understanding that "it is impossible for you in your position at present to catch a break. "

"You can't" is a lot quicker way of saying it.

I don't interpret that wording as you bringing bad luck on yourself, more like you've had a run of bad luck that is no fault of your own.

All this

You’re definitely being sensitive understandably, it completely means out of your control.

I think @WorkBreakingMe is onto something.

It's because the sentence starts with something active, "you" doing or not doing something. So it might create the subconscious feeling that the bad luck is something you're doing.

When it's just a trite phrase, not at all literal, and intended to express sympathy without any deep meaning.

@wherearremykeys
I ‘d understand this as the plural you in a similar way to one.
One just can’t catch a break, can one.
Similar to down on one’s luck.
It’s not saying you as an individual.

I get that but it still seems to be suggesting I’m a bit cursed in some way! I guess I’d prefer ‘oh no poor you!’ sort of thing!

I would typically say "you can't catch a break" - meaning the universe is being unkind to you rather than anything you've done.

I had pity myself so I'm less likely to go down the route of "poor you" etc.

There was nothing personal in it - just an expression.

I agree with others that it means the exact opposite of "you brought it on yourself"

I favour a lighter approach when I'm going through tough times, so I might say "I can't catch a fucking break at the moment!" myself and add a resigned chuckle and an eye-roll.

I'd be gutted if I tried to sympathise with a friend and they totally misconstrued it in this way.

Oh I said this to a colleague recently who's having a rubbish time, I hope she didn't take it badly. What I meant was "that sounds really shit, I don't really know what else to say or how to help, but I hope you get a bit of better luck soon."