AIBU to feel uneasy about my nearly 17-year-old dating a 15-year-old?

[JESSICAASHLEY]

My daughter is 16,17 at the end of this year, just started college.

She met a boy over the summer who is 15, just gone into year 11 and is 16 early next year.

They clearly like each other, but I am feeling a bit icky about it due to the stage of their lives they are at.

If they were in year 9 and year 10, ok.
First year of college, and second year of college, not a problem.

My issue is she's at college and is two months away from being 17, where he is at school and still 15, hes not 16 for another 6 months.

She's not overly confident with boys, so I'm not worried about sex and things like that just yet, but as I have explained to her, once you have been in a relationship for a while, these things can happen and he is under age.

I'm explaining implications if something did happen between them and they were found out, she would be the one in trouble.

She's got a couple of friends who are in her situation, and dating a younger boy, so she thinks its fine.

AIBU that's its just a bit off and encourage her to not pursue this? I can't physically stop her but I have already voiced my concerns so she is aware or am I being completely over the top? It just doesn't sit right with me.

There’s only a little over a years difference so it wouldn’t worry me.

My DS is in Y11 and it wouldn't bother me if he was dating a Y12 girl.

You're over thinking this. And he will be 16 in a few months.

There’s barely a year between them - you’re being silly.

Difference is one school year / 16 months? I wouldn't be worried. If they were at a school with a sixth form they'd still be in the same set of buildings. And I'm not a lawyer or anything but I think prosecution would be very unlikely even if they did have sex.

Gen Z themselves are normally the biggest critics with sixth formers dating anyone still in year 11 or below. Their etiquette can seem very picky and she might come across that.

You’re tying yourself in knots trying to make the age gap sound bigger? For the majority of the time they have ages one year apart!

My son is gay. He had just turned 16 when he met his boyfriend, who was still 14. A couple of months later his boyfriend turned 15, so the age gap sounded better, even though it was obviously always the same! We did worry a little bit about his boyfriend not having reached the age of consent, but we would never have tried to persuade him not to be in the relationship. They are still together at 18 and 17 and all is well.

Its only a year age gap. And whilst yes 16 is the age of consent, no one is going to prosecuted a 16/17 yr old having consensual sex with a nearly 16 Yr old

If they went to a school that had sixth form and she stayed at the school rather than go to a college they’d only be a year apart at a school ? It’s hardly a massively different life stage?

I am feeling a bit icky about it due to the stage of their lives they are at.

There's only a year between them. They are at the same stage of life!

This age gap seems fine and totally normal, if your DD was dating a boy the year above would you feel the same way? I wouldn’t get worried about this at all.

There at most 18 months age difference you are massively over thinking this.

This wouldn’t worry me (whichever way around the sexes were). It doesn’t sound like there’s a power imbalance so I’d let them crack on and just do normal chats about sex and relationships that you’d do with a same age relationship.

@Denim4everagree 100% with this. Both of my kids are completely disgusted by anyone going out with someone in the year below. My son was horrified that my DD was seeing a boy who was one year older ( to the day as they shared a birthday) He refused to speak to him when he came over. They have split up now that same boy is seeing a girl two years younger and is getting slit of grief for it.

My son met a girl he liked but as soon as he found out she was in the school year below he refused to take it any further for fear of being judged by his peers.

When I was as school it was the norm that girls went out with the boys in higher year groups but I did the opposite and went out with a lower sixth boy when I was in upper sixth.

It seems attitudes have changed.

My son’s friends are like this and as far as I’m aware never been a problem. They are a really cute couple.