AIBU to be upset about repeated nappy rash after grandparents' childcare?

[EmmaThompsonsTears]

My 2yo goes to her grandparents for childcare once a week, from about 8am to 5pm.

Almost every time she goes, she comes back with raging nappy rash. Previously I’ve put off mentioning it because I figured she’ll be potty trained soon, and it’s not worth causing an issue if it’s going to no longer be a problem. The grandparents are my ex in laws and tend to kick off on the very rare occasions when I mention minor issues.

The problem is, she’s now pretty much potty trained at home and at nursery, and has been out of nappies for about a month. But yesterday they dropped her off not only wearing a nappy, but a nappy that was also full of poo. I changed it immediately and it had clearly been on for some time (so she hadn’t done it on the way over to my house).

I’d let it slide if it was the first occasion but I’ve now had countless experiences of cleaning dried poo off her bum while trying to be gentle around red raw nappy rash. I resent that my daughter is in pain.

I know that nappy rash can happen. But a couple of months ago I was right in the middle of cooking tea and my daughter did a poo, so I couldn’t change her nappy for 20 minutes. That felt like a really long time to me, but there was no sign of nappy rash at all - which makes me wonder how long they must be leaving her in soiled nappies for.

AIBU to be pissed off about this? Would you mention it? Or leave it, given I should be grateful for the free childcare and she’s almost potty trained?

As it's the inlaws, DH should be the one to mention it. And teach DD to say if she needs a clean nappy, at 2 she will be aware if she's done a poo.

Drop her off with a potty and no nappies. Just breezily announce oh she's potty trained everywhere else now.

I wouldnt let her go or i would drop her off without a nappy and tell them shes learning to toilet train. That's horrible.

The Op mentioned they are ex- in laws. So slightly more tricky depending on how her relationship is with her ex.

I think the obvious answer is not to use them for childcare. This is negligent of them - there’s no way they haven’t noticed.

I would have mentioned it the first time myself but you are where you are now.

If she’s potty trained, why is she even in a nappy?
I would just send a message saying “noticed DD was wearing a nappy when you dropped her off. She’s actually potty trained now so no need for nappies, just keep reminding her to go to the toilet”

I would definitely take her out of nappies if she is confidently potty trained elsewhere.
I am sure that they don't like handling poo.
In which case you have a problem, because a potty trained toddler is going to need cleaning.
I think it may be time to stop using them for childcare

Option 1: Don’t use PIL for childcare anymore if you’re unhappy with the way they care for your child.
Option 2: Confront the issue head-on and ask why they’re still putting her in nappies when she’s potty trained everywhere else, but risk them taking offence and it souring the relationship.
Option 3: If possible, preferably have the conversation with your ex and have him raise the issue with his parents.

As an aside, regardless of whether it caused nappy rash or not, you admit to yourself leaving her in a soiled nappy for 20 minutes, which is also unacceptable IMO, regardless of what you’re doing at the time. As you were at home cooking dinner, you could have stopped and changed her 🤷‍♀️

Stop sending her with nappies ?
just send her with loads of pants and her favourite potty.
if she’s potty trained why are they putting her in nappies that’s a step backwards. Are they just sticking a nappy on her out of laziness ? In which case I’d stop sending her there. Are they neglectful in other areas ?

You should never have left it this long to mention something- they are neglecting your child!! Stop worrying about their feelings and put your daughter first.
If they kick of then so be it.
I wouldn't be letting someone look after my child who allowed them to get in that state not alone multiple times.

Surely they are undermining the potty training by putting her back in nappies? I’m guessing you didn’t send them with her.

I would first get your ex to speak to them and say ‘sorry if not clear DC is potty trained now so no more nappies - yay. We will send over change of clothes in case of an accident but we are keen to not undo this progress by reverting to nappies’

If that doesn’t work then you’ll need to sort different childcare. I do wonder if they are like this with nappies they may be lax about other things. Probably time to reconsider your childcare options.

I found it too much drama to involve in-laws. We just used paid childcare.

These people kick off and are deliberately causing your child pain and treating her inhumanely.

Don't use them for childcare, it's up to the father to facilitate their relationship with the child, and to go half on parenting and paying his half of any nursery fees.
Advocate for your child.

Send her with cream and ask them to be especially careful and regular with nappy because she’s suffering badly with a rash

I don’t send her with nappies, they just have a stash of nappies and clothes at their house.

They actually have previous for this with my eldest and I intervened via my exH (we were still together at the time) - but our relationship now is extremely poor. Things improved slightly and then my eldest became fully potty trained which solved the issue.

As that’s only weeks away am I better to wait it out? I’m not in a position to increase her nursery hours/cut my working hours as I’m a single parent and can’t afford it, and exH certainly wouldn’t pay his half if I were to do so. This is the only area where I see them as neglectful, they feed the kids well and they enjoy their time with them

WHY would you mention it. That is very neglectful and I can’t imagine being quiet

I think I’d carry on using them for childcare and give them a potty, wipes and nappy rash cream and mention to them that she seems to develop it really quickly with a spoiled nappy so can they just be extra careful. It’s not for much longer