To give up on my marriage

[fedupwithseparatebedrooms]

DH and I have had separate bedrooms for well over a year (his choice, not mine). Sex once in about 2 years. We have talked about it and he says it's not for ever but I can't see how things can be normal again. I'm 49, he's 47 and married 12 years.

Sex aside… what is life like with him?

what was his reasoning?

What I completely forgot to include was that he has bipolar disorder and has had several hospital admissions because of it. He says the meds cause him to be impotent and lose his libido. His condition also means he has little empathy which highly frustrating and leads to him picking fights.

Bipolar doesn’t cause a lack of empathy, that’s just him being a dick.

Ok so an enormous back story

hospital admissions? Voluntary?

Yes, voluntary. Over a year ago since last time but he's not the same and doesn't realise he's not well. This evening we're having a chilled evening in front of the TV and whatever I say, he has to respond with a negative comment. It's totally doing my head in!

I am surprised you want to share a bedroom with him

Quite frankly, I don't really want to be with him anymore but I don't see a way out. I don't want to be the bad guy for walking out on DH because has mental illness

So how come start a thread about being upset you aren’t sharing a bedroom with him??

He doesn’t remotely sound like he’s committed either. After all he’s the one who instigates the separate bedrooms.

So why not just suggest the pair of your wrap things up?

If you're unhappy, you should leave. You don't have to stay with him forever because he's got bipolar disorder.

The separate bedroom thing sounds bizarre. I’m not actually against it where there’s a rationale - snoring, different sleeping patterns, etc - but here there doesn’t appear to be any rationale other than he just doesn’t want to share a bed with you.

This isn't something you 'forget' to mention. 😘

You don't have to stay with someone out of pity or guilt. That's just condescending. If you want to leave then just go.
He'll always be on medication so his lack of libido wont change.

Bit weird isn’t it

Imagine “forgetting” this 😕

You’ll only be the bad guy in some peoples eyes but it doesn’t really matter what they think. Only you know what you want in life. If it was me, this wouldn’t be it. I say cut your losses and look after your own mental health.

You need to let go of this idea of "how people see you" as being in any way relevant to decisions you make about your own life.

You are going to be dead in a few years, we all are. Don't waste your life.

I suspect the people that might give you grief about leaving him would be either the ones who also settled for shit relationships or would be the people who'd have to put up with his bullshit more if you were not around.

They are not unbiased and have their own interests at heart, not yours.

You don't want to be together. That's fine. Make plans to separate.

Who cares what anyone else thinks. You sound miserable so leave.

Well if you don’t want to be with him any more, you can end the relationship.

Life is too short to be voluntarily unhappy.

You are not responsible for him.