Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DD18 Phone Addiction

9 replies

Stormont03 · Yesterday 07:12

DD18 met her BF 6 months ago. Since meeting, we have noticed that DD is constantly on her phone, and appears to be messaging on Snapchat and scrolling through TikTok all day long if not seeing him. Her life revolves round her phone which is never out of her hand. She now stays in her room most of the time and has also turned into a night owl and appears to be online until 2am or later where previously she would be getting 8-9 hours sleep at night. She does not do any fitness now which she used to enjoy and has little interest in seeing other family members or her friends. I feel this lack of sleep probably accounts for DD’s change in behaviour, now being short tempered and usually unpleasant. If I ask her to pop her phone to the side for a bit to join her family for dinner/movie or have a break from it, she blows up. I have tried to talk about phone discipline as about to start at uni etc but she goes mad. This is now affecting our relationship and we are clashing a lot. She is clearly very happy and in love with BF with lots of talk about their long term future plans and how wonderful he is. I am happy my DD has met someone who clearly cares for her however I am so very worried about her phone usage and how it dominates her life. The BF always has his phone in his hand and will look at it when we are in his company which is always for a short time. He has ADHD and mild learning differences and DD has explained he struggles to sleep or concentrate and needs to have music on or his phone to stay focussed etc and this explains his high phone usage. DD is doing a demanding course at uni which involves lots of reading and studying and according to other students and lecturers needs to be treated like a full time job. There is a high resit failure rate also so sounds very intense. I am also concerned she will miss out on making friends or taking part in uni life/activities because of her phone. The BF’s course is portfolio based and no exams and only a couple of lectures per week so he will not have to change his habit. I am so worried uni is not going to go well as she has no discipline or any intention of changing her ways. Anyone else been in the same situation and their young person has managed a demanding course and enjoy uni life whilst on their phone constantly? This is now causing me real concern so any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you x

OP posts:
Asmallburp · Yesterday 07:13

Does she never spend time with him in person??

LauritaEvita · Yesterday 07:36

This really needs to be addressed before she starts reading for a degree. I work at a university and there is a massive gap between those who are able to sustain concentration in order to do required study tasks, e.g. a 2 hour lecture or read a journal article, and those who can’t. It’s been a very sad deterioration to witness over the last few years (young adults struggling to learn) but those who are coming out on top are the ones who can resist their phones and can actually embrace study and university life. There is no point getting into thousands of pounds worth of debt paying fees and for halls if they’re just going to be sat scrolling.

Isittimeformynapyet · Yesterday 07:51

Asmallburp · Yesterday 07:13

Does she never spend time with him in person??

From the OP:

appears to be messaging on Snapchat and scrolling through TikTok all day long if not seeing him.

Asmallburp · Yesterday 08:33

Isittimeformynapyet · Yesterday 07:51

From the OP:

appears to be messaging on Snapchat and scrolling through TikTok all day long if not seeing him.

Yes but presumably NOT seeing him very often given the thread! 😆

Isittimeformynapyet · Yesterday 08:35

Asmallburp · Yesterday 08:33

Yes but presumably NOT seeing him very often given the thread! 😆

Your question was does she "never" see him though.

Asmallburp · Yesterday 08:51

Isittimeformynapyet · Yesterday 08:35

Your question was does she "never" see him though.

Op?

Asmallburp · Yesterday 08:51

😊

LoveThemToVits · Yesterday 12:57

This may not be relevant but I find I get phone addicted when my iron levels fall and I have less desire to use it when I'm diligent about supplementing. So that might be something worth investigating perhaps. I think this is relatively common and I've seen it with one of my DC too. You want ferritin >100 and transferrin saturation >20% for optimal physical & mental health.

It doesn't change the social pressure eg from boyfriend but in my case it does have a big effect on how much I can resist the social pressure to use more devices.

Stormont03 · Yesterday 21:19

Thank you everyone and sorry for the slow response. She sees him regularly as I would expect but when not with him her phone is in her hand. Thank you for sharing @LauritaEvita … just as I feared. Have tried to talk to her again today and got nowhere. I guess I just need to hope she soon realises the constant phone use is impacting her life negatively and changes her ways 🥺

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page