Is it okay to speak to your friend/lover

[summermumma2021]

So long story but many years ago me and my best friend (at the time) ended up sleeping together. We have been friends since school and used to go out clubbing together and were very close for years throughout our twenties. There was always something between us but I think neither of us really knew or understood what that was. Anyway years into our friendship we ended up sleeping together whilst on holiday in Spain.

If I give the full context it’s an outrageous story. She’s female and so am I and outside of experience with her I’ve only been with men.

Fast forward six years and I’m now happily married with three amazing children. A few months ago she got in contact via instagram and asked for my WhatsApp. My husband is fine with us talking as he knows the story and understands we were friends for years. I just sometimes feel a bit off about it because if it was roles reversed would I feel comfortable with my husband talking regularly with an ex (of sorts)?

Also…has this ever happened to anyone else?

Yes, I'm still friends with the (male) friend I lost my virginity to and slept with a few times in my early 20s. DH knows this and is fine with it and is very fond of him as well!

I'm sure it is not at all uncommon.

Sounds fine to me. Baffled by the YABU votes.

I am friends with loads of exes - as many gay women are- and would have no issue with it.
I can see why your DH is unbothered about his hetereo wife’s one night drunken fling years ago with a friend.

Well not the same scenario but I occasionally speak to a couple of exes. My first boyfriend (lost my virginity to) pops up on X now and again, I don’t ‘know’ him anymore in that we don’t update on each others lives really but I will always think fondly of him. The other is an ex that broke my heart a million years ago but we have some mutual friends so there’s been the odd meet-up over the years, he messaged congrats when I got married and then had DS, we’ll occasionally send something the other will find funny or interesting. In fact a few years ago I met him for dinner (with DH’s prior knowledge) when we were in the same city for work. It does not diminish that I love DH, our life and our family wholeheartedly, and DH knows that.

One of my favourite people and oldest friends was my boyfriend from my teenage years. Very platonic now.

Also - I know loads of ‘straight’ women who have had a one off night encounter with another woman. Sometimes a friend. And I have had sex with straight women, some who remained ‘straight’ and others who realised/ decided they were actually gay or bi.
It’s only a big deal if you make it one.

Same as @TallSturdyGirls, one of my best friends and certainly my oldest friend is an ex from my teenage years! Absolutely nothing else in it except friends now!

I'm friends with a couple of exes, and my husband is friendly with them too.

I think your question might be coming from the earlier part of your post, where you said there was always something between you but you couldn't work out what it was. Do you think on some level there still is, and that's why you are being cautious about your husband's feelings? It sounds like something that was potentially special. Maybe you don't feel the way I feel about my exes (I wouldn't be interested if they were the last people on earth and I'm sure the reverse is also true).