AIBU to think she should have spoken to his partner first?

[NotSurprisedReallyNow]

A long time ago (about 15 years!) my best friend dated someone she knew via her friend(he was a relative of her friend).

They didn’t end on good terms but that’s all I know. Anyway yesterday she got a message from his current partner , ultra polite asking did she date him and could she please , if possible speak to her.
To me this would ring alarm bells?
To find someone on fb and ask in the way she did ?

My friend immediately contacted the friend who she knew him through and asked her to call his family to say this woman is messaging her and that he needed to know.

AIBU to think she should have waited and actually asked the current partner if everything was ok ?? She’s now pissed off with me because I said I think she did the wrong thing and if it’s a dv situation or something like a Clare’s law disclosure she could have really contributed to an issue alerting him ?

Fifteen years is a very long time ago. How did this woman even know your friend's name? And surely he's had more recent partners? You also have to wonder what this current partner expected to gain of value from a stranger who knew him such a long time ago. However, I'm not sure that your friend sending a message to him about what was going on was the best thing to do. I would have messaged her to find out what it was all about.

I was contacted by the new(ish) partner of an ex, and I did respond to her. In fact, we even met up and still occasionally exchange messages. She needed some perspective on what was happening with her partner (my ex from several years back).

I always suspected one of his girlfriends would find me one day and ask for help. Anyway, it was the right thing for her and me to get in touch.

I don't want to say any more than that, as it might be outing, but I do think your friend should have responded to the woman who got in touch with her.

For 'the stranger' it may be more than feelings; it maybe her wellbeing or even her life.

If that's the case its totally unfair to put that onto a complete stranger.

Really, why? Would you not want to help a woman in physical danger?

If my exes new partner messaged me then I wouldnt help her. I had a hard enough time getting myself out of the relationship and getting him to leave me the fuck alone. Not a chance i would want to take the risk of inviting all that back in again.

Random strangers aren't the people to reach out to for helpthere are trained people for that.

We'll have to differ on that.......

Yes, I guess it is quite controversial to think that people with experience, knowledge and training are a safer option than random strange women who happened to date your partner years ago 🙄

OK, great sarcasm.......it's like reading Dorothy Parker.
I'm not interested in fighting, thank you.

👍