To ask if anyone else has been happy stopping at 1 child?

[Pioneerofaerodynamics]

I don't yet have children but I feel like I would just like one, in order to still manage financially and to still have more free time etc.. I'm sure people will have their opinions like they do on everything "but they need a sibling to play with!!" "But it's selfish to just have one!!".

I feel like it's seen as the done thing to have 2 children with about 2 to 4 years between them, but I believe I'd be happy with just one. Interested to hear from anyone else?

Also have loads of work friends with 1 child. Have discussed and we’re all content with our decisions.

I've got one DD almost 15, the day I had her i always knew I'd never have another, not ever.

DDs dad was fantastic, did absolutely his fair share and I had very supportive family - but I'm not naturally maternal and never have been.

Also DD is amazing and I could never risk another in case they were horrible 🤷‍♀️🤣

You have a child /another child because YOU want one.

There are no guarantees when it comes to children.

But yes, only having one is easier than 2 or more.

I've got one child by circumstance and it's taken me a while to come to terms with it as I'm one of three and always assumed I'd have three myself.
However, now he is primary school age I'm starting to accept it and move on. he is well socialised and has lots of friends. He is a handful and there may be some SEN but because he is an only I can give him lots of support with behaviour/education without having to balance his needs with those of another child, which is one silver lining.
I've also come to embrace the fact I have a whole identity outside of being a mum -career, friendships, creative arts etc. the number of kids I have doesn't define me. Theoretically it might have been better for my son to have siblings but the matter was out of my hands and you can't optimise every aspect of your child's present and future life.
TDLR: I've got one wild and beautiful life and I'm not going to spend it crying quietly outside JoJo Maman Bebe.

Rude - perhaps you meant to say ‘thanks, I’ll take a look at that’.
The other thread has some good points about only children in later life.

I have DD10 and perfectly happy to stop there. She is main focus and I think having 1 has helped me reach a good life/work balance! It also means I can spoil her and plan her future finances without too much strain.

She is also very happy being my only child, she does have a younger sister though via my ex (her dad) she hates it at first but seems to enjoy being a big sister.

I do wish I could borrow a baby sometimes just for cuddles though 😅

I've got one and very unlikely to have more due to age, health and also just wanting a bit of my life back, which I am not at all apologetic for!

I had a strong identity before having children and I want to get back to myself.

I'd give my right arm for him, but there are other parts of me too, and I think that's healthy :)

I do not see how it's selfish. I have multiple siblings and am not close to any of them. We build our own family and my son will be supported with that in every way.

I'm not an only, but my siblings are so much younger than me that in reality I might as well be. My mother is also an only. So that means I don't have aunts or uncles or cousins. It's just me. Yes, there are benefits to being an only, I'm sure. But there are benefits to having siblings too. Siblings can be a gift. My DH is one of 4 and he has social skills and conflict resolution skills that I just don't possess. He's got family he can turn to when things go wrong. I don't. He's got the benefit of a shared memory of childhood. My children have the benefit of extended family. It makes a difference. I was desperate for a sibling as a young child because my parents had an awful marriage and I was desperately anxious and lonely. I felt that if I had a sibling, I wouldn't be so alone. Yes in hindsight I can see that this was the magical thinking of an anxious child but as I've said, a sibling can be a gift.

Before I get pounced on, I'm also aware that there are benefits to being an only, that some siblings hate each other, etc etc.

I always wanted two (and have two with a 3 1/2yr gap) but I can definitely see the advantages of only having one child. Life is so expensive these days, and mostly both parents need to work meaning it’s just difficult having time and energy for multiple children.

I am also one of two children, and whilst we were really close growing up, unfortunately we’re not now (we get on fine but he’s just very lazy with keeping in touch and it all comes from me). I know everything will have to come from me when it comes to any care and admin for our dad once he needs it too as he’ll be useless at that.

I think a lot of your experience is about your individual life situation though. You really don't know if a sibling would have made things better, worse, or about the same.

It's the way you are framing it through your individual perspective, and it's completely valid, but there are as many people who would see it differently.

I just really think you can't know one way or the other.

I have multiple siblings but none of them are people I would turn to when things go wrong. That would be my partner and my friends.

Parents should do what feels right for them rather than imagining some future that may or may not pan out.

I hate rhetoric that it’s selfish to have one child. Any decision about having children is ultimately selfish. You are making that decision, the child isnt choosing to exist. It is much better to be selfish and think about your own limits about having 0/1/2/3 kids. Nothing worse than regretting having one or doing it because you think you ought to

I have a 9 year old DD who’s an only child by choice. I used to want 2 and was on the fence for a while, but unfortunately my DH had a stroke in 2020, then weeks later Covid happened and I decided I didn’t want an added stressor of another baby even after DH recovered.

We have a great life the 3 of us. I’ve got more disposable income as a result of having 1, we go on at least 1 nice holiday annually and I can pay for extra curricular activities would I wouldn’t be able to afford with more than 1 child. She’s also dyslexic and has additional tuition and again, I couldn’t afford that if I had other kids.

Other parents have such little time available in comparison to me and seem so burnt out I don’t know how they do it.

I’m 38 now and peri menopause is kicking at my heels. It’s making me sometimes wonder if I will regret only having one when she’s an adult dealing with things on her own particularly as we age. but I’ve made my choice and like everything there’s pros and cons.

Yes, I'm fully aware that I'm imagining a what if and there are no guarantees. As I said in my post, it was the magical thinking of a child in a very difficult situation.

I was posting in response to someone who said that having a second child in order to give a child a sibling relationship is peculiar. Sibling relationships can be incredibly valuable. No it's not guaranteed, of course not. Nothing is. But that doesn't mean that deciding to give your child that relationship is a strange thing to do. Siblings make a difference and can be a very positive thing. And the decision to have an only has long term effects, no extended family for later generations being one of them. It's not peculiar to factor that in to your decision to have more children.

You have siblings so you have had the benefit of those relationships, even if you aren't close now.

Sometimes siblings cause more issues than they solve. As with any family members. "The benefit of those relationships" is not always a benefit. Siblings can be a positive, they can be a negative, they can be neutral.

There's no saying one way or the other, so I agree with the poster that you are replying to, that it doesn't really make sense to choose to have another child for purely that reason, if you otherwise wouldn't.

I have 1 and I love it. We have great days out just the 2 of us, I can dedicate my time to him. He has adhd and I know that if he had a sibling, they’d be constantly fighting and arguing 🤣. I’m not close to my brother at all.

I have an only, not necessarily by choice, but if I’m honest one is probably all I can handle. I had a difficult journey to have her, health problems after birth, along with brutal sleep deprivation. She’s 3 now and I feel like I’m barely recovering. I adore being a Mum but I’ve realised since having a child how much I like having time to myself and relative peace and quiet. I don’t think my nervous system could cope with another child.

That said I do think it would be better for her to have a sibling. I know there’s no guarantee they’d get on but I do feel having extended family is really important as you get older. My brother and I weren’t close growing up, but now that we’ve both matured I lean on him and his wife a lot and am so glad my daughter has cousins.

I was adamant I only wanted one. I wanted a second as soon as first was born. I wanted more after the second and would have tried for a third if DH agreed. He didn’t.

I am an only born in the 80’s, I also have an only by choice. Some of the comments I used to get as a kid were awful, really nasty and made huge assumptions about me.

I’ve only had one cruddy comment about having an only - only children are way more common nowadays and it’s no longer perceived as odd. The cruddy comment came from a “friend” who seems to have form for harsh comments where other people differ with her bigger life decisions and this wasn’t the only thing she commented on - she’s now an acquaintance.

I never felt I missed out as a kid by not having a sibling and I love having one who I can focus on, having seen how some siblings are to each other I think they can be as much of a curse as a blessing.