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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Do you ever get fed up of being the 'go to' person at work?

18 replies

loveawineloveacrisp · 09/09/2026 14:01

Not blowing my own trumpet here (well maybe I am) but I feel like I spend my entire days at work doing other people's giving for them. Direct report can't do anything without second checking everything and copying me in to EVERY fucking email even though I've repeatedly asked her not. Manager can't be arsed doing things like checking MI portals herself so asks me to do menial shit all the time. Colleague (peer) checks to see what I've done first so that he can just copy & paste.

Enough! (Think I need a holiday...)

OP posts:
Pedallleur · 09/09/2026 14:07

The answers lie with you. Say no to menial tasks, don't reply to the emails and/or delete them and don't let people copy your work (or put something stupid in the wording eg an elephant ate my socks then edit yours.

Gladioli7 · 09/09/2026 14:15

I think it’s interesting you think this reflects positively on you (blowing your trumpet etc). Are you a people pleaser generally? Ask your self honestly what need this is serving for you.

loveawineloveacrisp · 09/09/2026 14:46

I honestly wouldn't call myself a people pleaser, no. But people who say tell your boss to do one clearly don't know how the corporate world works!

OP posts:
Dontmentionitlove · 09/09/2026 15:08

Have you ever gone for a promotion?

Dontmentionitlove · 09/09/2026 15:08

Pedallleur · 09/09/2026 14:07

The answers lie with you. Say no to menial tasks, don't reply to the emails and/or delete them and don't let people copy your work (or put something stupid in the wording eg an elephant ate my socks then edit yours.

what job do you have? If you do work that is @Pedallleur

loveawineloveacrisp · 09/09/2026 15:29

Dontmentionitlove · 09/09/2026 15:08

Have you ever gone for a promotion?

Of course - many, and have been successful. But I'm at the end of my career and no longer interested in progressing.

OP posts:
Dontmentionitlove · 09/09/2026 15:30

loveawineloveacrisp · 09/09/2026 15:29

Of course - many, and have been successful. But I'm at the end of my career and no longer interested in progressing.

Do you have any reports? Are they the ones coming to you?

loveawineloveacrisp · 09/09/2026 15:30

Sorry original post should have said fed up of doing other people's thinking for them

OP posts:
loveawineloveacrisp · 09/09/2026 15:31

Dontmentionitlove · 09/09/2026 15:30

Do you have any reports? Are they the ones coming to you?

Yes - one. And yes.

OP posts:
Dontmentionitlove · 09/09/2026 15:39

loveawineloveacrisp · 09/09/2026 15:31

Yes - one. And yes.

And your manager?

and anyone who is reporting to some one else?

Ablondiebutagoody · 09/09/2026 15:47

What's wrong with people copying your work? Surely it's sensible. Happens in my office all the time. Why would anybody do something from scratch if its similar to something that's already been done? Weird.

loveawineloveacrisp · 09/09/2026 15:58

Ablondiebutagoody · 09/09/2026 15:47

What's wrong with people copying your work? Surely it's sensible. Happens in my office all the time. Why would anybody do something from scratch if its similar to something that's already been done? Weird.

Well that would be fine when it's reciprocated. But when you're the one doing all the work every time that's not really a fair balance of responsibility.

OP posts:
Dontmentionitlove · 09/09/2026 16:07

You have a few months before you retire…. Just kick back and respond to your own report and manager.

Pedallleur · 10/09/2026 07:26

Dontmentionitlove · 09/09/2026 15:08

what job do you have? If you do work that is @Pedallleur

I worked in IT and people were always coming to me or expecting me to solve it. Usually the same people. Or we had the person who was paid more on a higher grade trying to offload some of their work on me or a colleague. I pointed out it wasn't my job nor in my job description but was happy to discuss with HR any changes. Oddly my offer wasn't taken up.

calflions · 10/09/2026 07:47

Unfortunately even if you're at "the end of your career" or you don't want to manage people... training the buggers, and helping them grow, seems par for the course in every role where people are. There's a concept called "leaderfulness" (awful word but nice idea) where you lean into your ability to help others grow, wherever you are in the system. You don't have to be their line manager, sometimes they are even your boss.

If you want them to change their behaviours, because it would make your life easier, you will have to think about the new behaviour you want them to do, and create a situation where they are incentivised to do the new thing not the old thing.

Direct report - needs actual managing from you. Weekly check in, say you copied me on x y and z why was that? Next time please don't, and set a shared goal for what the person will do instead. Next weekly catch up, what are the sanctions if they do it again, or what is the training need if they are too worried to do it themselves or lack the skill or confidence? This is actually part of your job.

Boss - trickiest as maybe checking the portals does fall better to you than her as she is probably busy with things that are in her role to do and this is easy to pass on. Is doing it making you late finishing other tasks? Then do the old classic "what do you want me to reprioritise?" or "How quickly is this needed as I am doing x?" If you are too busy, is there someone more junior who you could bring into the task each time you are asked and get them to do it, gradually moving it to their responsibility? "Menial" is a shit word by the way, lots of things simply need to get done and it's not beneath anyone to do them, it is sometimes cost effective for the right person to do them. Boss sounds quite reasonable to be doing this, to me - and really if it's quick you could just suck it up for a quiet life.

Colleague: retrain him not to rely on you by saying you haven't finished yet - or saying "If you're concerned about it then I'd be happy to cast an eye over your version". Just create a different path where he subtly doesn't get your copy before sharing his.

This is a big response to quite a brief OP but I feel like actually you're working yourself up into being quite a toxic resentful person in your office. Come on, you know how to task manage this shit without taking it personally, you've probably been doing it for years, if you're at the latter part of your career. And if you haven't, well it is never too late to learn new perspectives and helpful life skills.

Dontmentionitlove · 10/09/2026 08:54

Pedallleur · 10/09/2026 07:26

I worked in IT and people were always coming to me or expecting me to solve it. Usually the same people. Or we had the person who was paid more on a higher grade trying to offload some of their work on me or a colleague. I pointed out it wasn't my job nor in my job description but was happy to discuss with HR any changes. Oddly my offer wasn't taken up.

Edited

So what you did, was in no way similar to the daft advice you were suggesting to the Op

loveawineloveacrisp · 10/09/2026 09:39

calflions · 10/09/2026 07:47

Unfortunately even if you're at "the end of your career" or you don't want to manage people... training the buggers, and helping them grow, seems par for the course in every role where people are. There's a concept called "leaderfulness" (awful word but nice idea) where you lean into your ability to help others grow, wherever you are in the system. You don't have to be their line manager, sometimes they are even your boss.

If you want them to change their behaviours, because it would make your life easier, you will have to think about the new behaviour you want them to do, and create a situation where they are incentivised to do the new thing not the old thing.

Direct report - needs actual managing from you. Weekly check in, say you copied me on x y and z why was that? Next time please don't, and set a shared goal for what the person will do instead. Next weekly catch up, what are the sanctions if they do it again, or what is the training need if they are too worried to do it themselves or lack the skill or confidence? This is actually part of your job.

Boss - trickiest as maybe checking the portals does fall better to you than her as she is probably busy with things that are in her role to do and this is easy to pass on. Is doing it making you late finishing other tasks? Then do the old classic "what do you want me to reprioritise?" or "How quickly is this needed as I am doing x?" If you are too busy, is there someone more junior who you could bring into the task each time you are asked and get them to do it, gradually moving it to their responsibility? "Menial" is a shit word by the way, lots of things simply need to get done and it's not beneath anyone to do them, it is sometimes cost effective for the right person to do them. Boss sounds quite reasonable to be doing this, to me - and really if it's quick you could just suck it up for a quiet life.

Colleague: retrain him not to rely on you by saying you haven't finished yet - or saying "If you're concerned about it then I'd be happy to cast an eye over your version". Just create a different path where he subtly doesn't get your copy before sharing his.

This is a big response to quite a brief OP but I feel like actually you're working yourself up into being quite a toxic resentful person in your office. Come on, you know how to task manage this shit without taking it personally, you've probably been doing it for years, if you're at the latter part of your career. And if you haven't, well it is never too late to learn new perspectives and helpful life skills.

Thanks, that's really useful advice. Think I was just having one of those days!

OP posts:
Asmallburp · 11/09/2026 08:53

Pedallleur · 10/09/2026 07:26

I worked in IT and people were always coming to me or expecting me to solve it. Usually the same people. Or we had the person who was paid more on a higher grade trying to offload some of their work on me or a colleague. I pointed out it wasn't my job nor in my job description but was happy to discuss with HR any changes. Oddly my offer wasn't taken up.

Edited

So you didn’t Say no to menial tasks, don't reply to the emails and/or delete them and don't let people copy your work (or put something stupid in the wording eg an elephant ate my socks then edit yours.

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