AiBU to try to avoid certain kids and parents

[Hellotodays]

I am beginning to think I am paranoid, but I have thought for some time that my sons friends mum is going around badmouthing me and my son to other parents. I have tried to create some distance between the kids anyway as they had formed a trio, with my son often being a bit of a third wheel and sometimes being outright excluded. There has been a class reshuffle and the other two kids are in one class, my son in the other (kids are all six), but my son still gravitates towards them. I feel that the mum hates me and is trying to alienate her daughter and the other boy in the trio against my son, as well as other parents from both classes. This whole thing has been going on for about five months now, with the reshuffle happening just now. I am aware I probably sound crazy, and sometimes I think this is ridiculous, if the kids want to be friends I have to support it and also sometimes the mum is nice and I wonder what I am doing. I just don't know what to do as my son keeps asking for playdates with this girl. The girl also wants to, but I'm worried they will just begin excluding him again so would prefer him to find other friends in his new class. I also don't know how to deal with the mum, I feel it has just become so awkward a of it. I would be really grateful for any advice. Thank you.

They are kids. Either have a direct conversation with the Mum and find out the truth or let it go and stop overthinking. Even if she is being a total asshole, you cannot control who your kids gravitate towards nor can you change her opinion of you or your child. Frankly it is none of your business what anyone else thinks of you. Your job is to be your authentic self, be kind and crack on with life

So you are trying to alienate your own son from his friends, by trying to put distance between them… but you are paranoid the other mum is also trying to do this?

The are little kids and it sounds like youre turning it all into some crazy plot. There will always be third wheels or some kids closer than others as friendship groups group and change through the years. The mother also probably has more important things to concentrate on than badmouthing you. Let your kid play with his friends.

Just detach. Focus on your son and his friendships, both with this girl and other children. My DC have friends they only see in school, because I'm not friends with the parents out of school and they're not keen to meet up for playdates. And that's fine, I just make generic friendly chit chat on the rare occasion that I have to, and encourage other friendships in the background, because it's good for kids to have a range of friends to play with. It doesn't matter if she doesn't like you, focus on making links with other parents of children your DS likes playing with so you can organise meet ups for your DS with these children.

I'd let your DS have play dates with the other DC, she seems to still like your DS no matter what her mum thinks, as for the mum just because your DC are friends it doesn’t mean you and the other DC mum have to be friends, just be civil in passing. Hopefully your DS will make some new friends that he'll gravite more towards now he's in a new class.