Is this sickening or AIBU

[Threelionsandalioness]

Ok so ill try to keep this as short as possible
I have been told that i am sometimes an over the top protective parent.
So im not quite sure how to feel or if what I feel is right ? There isn't many people i can talk to in real life about this as it feels very uncomfortable for me.
so ive come here to ask your opinions.
I live in quite a small town and the majority of people have grown up here and have grown up together so things get around quite easily.
On friday an 8yr old little girl found her father after he had overdosed in the living room.
The little girl is a pupil at my sons small school.the school have arranged a bake sale to help with funds for the little girls family.
Here's that bit that really has made me feel uncomfortable and shocked.
Monday afternoon the little girl another little girl who looked the same age as her a little boy no older than 5 and another girl no older than 11/12 were standing on the corner of the street that the little girl and her family home is on shouting to passers by and cars that were in the traffic to stop and come and buy some of their things to pay for said little girls father's funeral and to give him the send off he deserves?
There was not an adult in sight supervising these young children i assume it was the 11/12 year olds job.
I walked up and down the street to see if there were any adults and to see if they knew the children were next to the main road shouting at the people in the traffic and passers by ?I waited for around 40 mins and not one adult anywhere not even a front door open.
Outside the little girls home were tables full of children's things and cartons of drinks and a sign had been stuck on the street in children's handwriting that said we cant afford a funeral please buy our stuff and the little girls name.
The table did have three chairs behind as if there were at some point adults maybe seated there?.
I can not comprehend the trauma this little girl has had after finding her father passed away.
Why is she not at home being comforted and with her mum and her siblings ? What parent would ever lay on a child's shoulders of this age that they can not afford a funeral for her father so she has to sell her own belongings.
Why were these children unsupervised ?
Tberes so much I can not comprehend but I am just wondering is this just me ? Am I being ridiculous? But I feel physically sick at the thought of my 9yr old being in this position or even having to hear that we couldn't afford a funeral for a.loved one let alone his parent that he found deceased ? To me its disgusting ! How have any adult allowed this to happen ?
Or should I just stop over thinking this ?

Thesaurus maybe ? Not a dictionary I know aht sickening means and to me it is sickening! I have offered thank.you very much have donated 4 home made large cakes for the bake sale also contributed to the go fund me and dropped to the children's table a bag of homemade frozen meals I had batched cooked also a bag of toiletries sweets biscuits etc and left it with the children this morning as there wasnt anybody at home

This is such a shame .
However …

1. the older children could possibly be young teens ( I looked much younger when I was 14/15 I looked about 12 )
2. It is a safe town / village you live in .
3. it was very near/ outside their home
4. they probably know about the bake sale and are trying to do something constructive by themselves ( in a childlike way )

Also adding that a direct simple cremation followed by immediate family gathering at home or in a very inexpensive location for drinks and food is ok and there doesn’t have to be a massive funeral with associated expenses.
my dad’s funeral cost an absolute fortune and that was years ago .
My mum’s less but still a lovely send off that was sorted by myself in advance with a pre paid plan and only sundries to be paid for at the time

Thank you this has really helped me xxx

I can understand the assumptions you’ve made but drug overdoses can come in many forms e.g. different drugs (illegal/ legal), accidental or intentional, and can affect different families. Just pointing this out as ‘he/ they didn’t seem the type’ can be harmful in spotting potential issues or taking them seriously enough.

Yanbu, so very sad. No 8yo child should be doing any of this. The other parent - has failed them terribly. But because it’s the mother, you are getting these responses.
Maybe speak to the school to see if they know this is happening. I’m not even sure where or who to report this to, but someone needs to step in to support this child.

Funerals are expensive, a straightforward one without career is about 4000 but the council does have provision to help with a funeral.

The situation you describe is awful and I would contact school or social services immediately

I remember when I was in primary school a boy in my class aged 11 lost his brother to suicide and was the one who discovered him. His mum had him knocking round the estate asking people for money for the funeral. She was vile scum and all her children turned out troubled.

Someone above asked how OP knows the child is not being shown support at home. I would say because she’s out on the street selling her toys to pay for a funeral. In a supportive home I don’t think she’d have the family’s financial worries on her shoulders at age 8, and the parent would stop her selling her own toys on the street. The parent has either encouraged it or doesn’t know she’s doing it

FFS drug use happens across all different kinds of families. Addiction doesn't discriminate.

OP I think you should speak to safeguarding at the school as this family needs more support. People act really oddly when they are grieving. I can only imagine it's worse when it's been a shock.

That is horrendous. The little girl is either being exploited or she is sad or worried enough to want to do this off her own back. The other explanation (not pleasant to say but could be true) is that she is enjoying the attention and wants to do it, possibly without an adult knowing. Any of these options however do not paint a picture of a good family set up or a well rounded child who is being supported. As you say, she should be at home being cared for and if the family need money then it’s up to them to create fundraisers.

Even if the child had said ‘I want to sell my things to pay for daddy’s funeral’ a responsible adult would tell them it’s not their job to do that, not let them out on the street unsupervised like this. Sounds very upsetting.

To the point of death from drug overdose? I think it’s very rare to happen in other wise unproblematic family

The poor, poor child.

I wouldn't assume that an adult has given her this responsibility.

When I was a student I found my neighbours children (aged 6-8) standing stark naked on the corner of our road with a collection hat on front of them. It transpired that they had heard their Mum upset about the food bill and having seen images of 'starving children in Africa' images as fundraisers had decided it was the best way to solve the problem.

But whatever ...this poor child should, of course, not be selling possessions to pay for a funeral, and I hope you have alerted the school.

By all means speak to school safegiluarding lead with your concerns. Clearly the school knows the family and their needs. You could offer to sit with the kids by their stall to supervise and protect them? The kids are processing their situation in some way.

It is disgusting. When there were some family deaths locally (not being specific as it was all over the news and would be identifiable) the mum sold some of the kids' stuff to buy herself designer clothes. Clearly she'd needed help for a long time, but there's a lot of kids growing up in situations like this. Before benefits came in, my gg grandparents sometimes went without food so their kids ate, and even in extreme poverty as we'd call it today, the kids were better off.
Are SS aware? I'm not saying it's a panacea, but do report if you are concerned.

They only take specific bodies, like those who have certain illnesses that need to be researched, and has to be agreed well in advance. They dont just take anyone willy-nilly.
I learned this in a documentary a few years back

Does the OP actually know it was a drug overdose? The school wouldn’t have disclosed that so I assume that’s gossip.

I’m not sure why the OP hung around for 40 minutes, I would have bought something and had a chat with the kids to see what they say.

One thought it that they knew the school was fundraising and wanted to continue that so it was something to keep them occupied and their mind off the grief?

The OP should report if she feels it’s needed. I’d speak to the safeguarding lead at school and call the local SS team.

I put Yabu because you’re under the impression that because she’s a child we can pretend this hasn’t impacted her, mainly because it’s upsetting YOU.

As someone who lost a parent young, that’s not how it works. She’s in the thick of it, inconvenient though that might be to your sensibilities.

@Pieceofpurplesky "A council won't dispose of a body for free. They look to the nearest relative. You can get help if you are on UC or Pension Credits. I have, sadly, had to look in to it this week."

Sorry to hear you've had to deal with this. The local authority will arrange a free funeral for anyone who dies with no money, assets or savings whether or not they received benefits. It's called a Public Health Funeral. Relatives, even those nearest to the deceased such as a spouse, siblings or adult children are not legally obliged to pay for a funeral in the UK even if they can afford to do so. It is obviously a basic funeral and friends or relatives would have to pay for any extras such as flowers, orders of service etc if they wished to do so.

When someone dies we often feel the need to do something, hence the many splendid fundraising organisations in the name of a lost loved one. It helps to relieve some of the sense of helplessness.

This sale might be the child's way of dealing with something so truly dreadful that is impossible to process. They feel they are making a positive contribution.

But I absolutely agree they should be properly supervised.

It happens to perfectly nice kids that happen to experiment with drugs that are laced.

It happens in perfectly nice families where someone becomes addicted to opiates due to prescribed medication.

It happens to people who get clean and rebuild their lives that overdose when they relapse.

Addiction does not discriminate on who it touches. Just because it hasn't happened to nice families you know doesn't mean it can't.

That is so sad and yanbu at all, I would be just as concerned as you

I've donated my body to my local university medical school, pending acceptance. A simple process, they keep your body for 3 years, then offer the option of cremation or returning to family for private cremation. A rememberance service is held for families every year in the hospital chapel.

It sounds unbelievably awful.
I wonder if it’s their way of distracting the little girl or keeping her mind off things? She’s not going to sell £4K from her stall.

However she doesn’t even need to know the ins and outs of how much a funeral costs and if they can afford it, at that age. Older children may have told her though. Poor kid

I kind of wonder if this is a manipulative scheme set up by an older child without adult knowledge - it's obvious there'll be sympathy for the family and getting the 8 year old to exploit that might seem like a morally ok idea to an older child.

So so sad you're not being unreasonable at all.. they sound like feral kids just left to their own devices..
Can't imagine seeing this my heart would break that children shoulder such awful things.
God knows where the adults are in this situation coukd you report it to ss or police.