AIBU to wish my grown-up children lived nearer after moving abroad?

[Elenn]

Hi all, I’m not sure what the best place to post is but I could do with some advice. This may be long.

For context I have 4 children DD is 26, DS1 is 25, DS2 is 23 and DS3 is 21. My husband and their father passed away very suddenly 9 years ago, and my parents passed away 3 years ago and 4 months ago.

I think so far I’ve survived grief by being a dedicated mother, it’s been my passion.

Now my children officially all live abroad, their father was French so they all have EU passports. DD is in Paris, engaged, marrying next year and very unlikely to move home, she went to school in France (a boarding school related to performing arts or we would never have sent her), and now has a lovely home and career.
DS1 is in Geneva, has been for 3 years and loves his life there.
DS2 is in Amsterdam, he moved 2 years ago and is showing no signs of wanting to come home.
DS3 just last week moved to Brussels, he’s super excited.

For the first time in 27 years my home is empty (DS3 lived at home for uni). Suddenly all this grief, my husband, my parents, and even my children who I know are alive but none the less are not near by. I have friends and a job and hobbies, but coming home to this empty house is so sad.

I am immensely proud of all of my children, I am glad they are chasing the life’s they want but I find it so painful to be far from them. Of course I visit but I have a job and they have busy life’s so even if they are all close enough for weekend visits they don’t have time for them and I respect that.
They FaceTime at least once a week, often more and text every day but it’s just not the same.

AIBU to wish they would move home? How do I handle this?
It’s really just hit me all at once!

Gosh thatx really hard to read. I'm about 5 years behind you, my ds are dual nationals and they'll be off after some point.
I'd work parttime, volunteer alot, meet lots of newfriends. Then do little holidays to see them in their wonderful homes, explore airbnbs, enjoy their area. They all live in Europe, I czn see why they prefer it to UK.
Have your own adventure!! Go travelling..

First of all, well done for raising four children who all sound lovely. It’s a massive achievement and credit to you that they are all brave enough to explore the world.
It seems natural that the empty nest and huge personal losses would feel this way now your youngest has moved out.
Do you have friends or hobbies?

@Elenn - you are not being unreasonable to be upset - it is absolutely normal. I remember saying to dh that I was glad and proud of ds1 (when he found a good job and moved from home near Glasgow to Kent) for being so independent- but couldn’t he have flown the nest and been independent a bit closer to us.

But I didn’t say it to ds1 - nor did I say it to ds2 when he went to Australia for a 4 year contract - because I know I can’t put the monad of my feelings on them.

It doesn’t make the feelings any less real, unfortunately, so you have my sympathy.

I think it's only natural that you feel sad that they're not nearby and the house feels a bit quiet and empty. Ours have all left home now and it's a big adjustment. You have raised 4 independent confident young adults and that is to your credit!

There's lots you can do and probably are doing to keep busy - seeing friends, planning trips etc but if it's coming home to a quiet house that's the hardest, have you thought about maybe having a lodger? Or a rescue dog? Lots of people say being greeted by their pet when they return home makes them feel needed and loved and helps with loneliness.

That sounds incredibly hard, and I think you just have to be gentle with yourself as you navigate this phase. I hope you have a good network of friends for support.

Sounds like you've raised some amazingly independent and courageous young people.
💐💐

It is especially tough as you have lost your husband too. It must seem overwhelming sometimes. But as you say , you can not expect your kids to come home . Are you still working ? My parents made monthly visits or my sister came home for a weekend when she moved to Paris . Thank you Ryanair !

They ALL left? And you lost your dh? You poor woman.

yadnbu