... to consider trying to get our holiday cancelled

[AlteFrau]

My accident prone older husband fell over three days ago. He cut his shin to the bone and this needed me to access first aiders - we were out at the time - and then drive him to A and E.

He is now limping and tired. The wound site hurts. He needs to continue to take maximum painkillers. It's bled a couple of times - once after a 20 minute trial walk round the block.

He is 10 years older than me - in his mid to late seventies.. His skin is now quite thin so injuries happen more easily and it takes longer for them to heal.

He can also become quite panicky. He's done this already because he thought his skin shouldn't be so red, that the pain shouldn't be continuing, that there shouldn't have been any additional bleeding, that just a few paracetamol should have been enough etc.

I then need to talk stuff through, reassure him, do stuff like find ice. I've been doing all the chores since this happened.

This has been quite tiring.

At the end of the week we are/were due to travel first to London and then to Europe (by train - involving two changes) to go on our walking holdiay which is in a hillly region involving a lot of stone steps. (The London trip involves a certain amount of journeying from hotel to station - and there was also a trip to see relatives shoehorned in.)

He is a bit reluctant to cancel - thinking of 'work rounds' saying he can sit in cafes etc rather than join in the scheduled trips. Though even walking to the cafes will require a certain amount of effort on his part.

I just feel that I may well spend a lot of the holiday looking after him, cheering him up, liaising with the tour leader and hotel staff, possibly accessing medical care if dressings need to be changed etc. rather than simply enjoying the activities on the tour, making new friends among the party etc.

What would you do if you were me?

Can you postpone? Maybe do something a bit less active and do the walking holiday once he’s properly up on his feet?

Postpone, or cancel. I have an older DH with health conditions and in these circumstances I would not go as planned at the moment.

It doesn't sound like a good idea for him to go, but can you not still go by yourself? I think the break would do you good. This is the stage when being in a relationship with a big age gap really comes back to bite you, I am seeing it with family members.

if the cut isn’t showing signs of infection I think I would go. Maybe a change of scene would really pick up his mood. Sitting in a cafe with a good view and a book can be a great way to rest up.

Very surprising you even booked a holiday like this in the first place given how you describe him.

“In his mid to late 70s”

how old is he? 😕

A normal holiday I may continue but not a specific walking one. As you say you’ll be running around him and he won’t be insured if it bleeds etc.

He is in his mid to late 70s. When he's not having accidents, he's fit for a man of his age. Active in two walkign groups.

The holiday is a single-base walking holiday in which the walks/tours/sightseeing trips aren't especially long - within his capacity normally. But the terrain is hilly.

Single base holiday means he can remain in the hotel or village etc on some days if it is too much for him.

I think you should go.

Take someone else?

I think you should postpone. He'll end up on his own an awful lot and it's not great for him (unless he'd like that - I might!)

I would push on and do it (if there's access to proper wound care).

In certain older people, setbacks like this can lead to a more chronic worry, and a general loss of ability to do things they once did. Especially if they are anxious generally.

He could go, and stay at base and dip in and out of activities as he sees fit.

I’d cancel, especially if you can get your money back on insurance etc. if you can’t then I’d rebook for the spring time (hopefully possible to rebook it).

It won’t be much fun if he can’t join in!

I think you ought to ask your travel insurance what they will cover in the circumstances. If the wounds aren’t fully healed by the time you go, will anything associated with that be excluded?

I’d cancel. You’re not going to enjoy it.

He won’t though. Sounds like he will drag OP back to sit with him and need her at his beck and call.

I wouldn't, sorry. I would organise an alternative though.

If he goes, and (hopefully it wouldn’t happen but …) the wound gets worse or something else connected to it happens, will you be covered by insurance if you went knowingly of an “existing” condition? Presumably you have to declare it anyway, I know I would with my policy.

And does the tour operator have anything in its booking about expected levels of firness(for their own assurance and insurance)?

If both those things are covered, I think it’s positive that your husband sounds “can do” in this situation. But it would of course be a different holiday as the one you both booked and so you’d both need to agree to o set expectations for each of you.

Well it seems ridiculous to go on a walking holiday after an injury that stops him walking! It seems he will rely on you to get him to whatever café to wait, and what’s he going to do, sit there for four/five hours? I imagine he’ll just moan afterwards too. I’d cancel/postpone, or if someone can take care of him go on your own!

I also have an older husband, and I've been in a similar situation with an active European holiday planned and then he broke his arm by being a twat (climbing down a hill in a storm to retrieve a fence panel). It healed really well in the end, but when we were due to go it was still healing. I would either postpone or cancel. That sounds quite a nasty injury, and even if he's very active normally, the process of healing makes you tired and it makes you more tired in your seventies. He won't enjoy it and you're caring for him at the moment and you're knackered, you won't enjoy it and you'll be worried about him. It's too soon to go. You'll both feel a lot brighter in a few weeks, give it a bit of time then rearrange.

My initial thought was that the holiday you describe sounds quite exhausting for most 70 year olds I know! Add to that you DH is now injured I would either post pone this trip or cancel.

I can imagine your poor DH trying to keep up with the walking - and the train changes and everything that entails - and ending up being in a much worse state with his injury.

Hopefully your insurance will cover any expense in cancelling.

Does he like reading books? Or people-watching? Or savouring a fancy pastry while relaxing and listening to music / a podcast? Ie, is it plausible that he will have a nice day sitting in a cafe all day. I rather fancy that myself now I'm thinking about it. Talk through with him how you can ensure he can still actually have a nice time.

If he's not game to be positive about sitting in a cafe, you could just go without him. Presumably you can't get a refund at this point. It seems a shame for you to miss out.

But a cafe tour of some picturesque little town... could be worse!

You need to look at your travel insurance and see if this is covered.