I feel so tired all the time

[gillyflower8]

Just that really. I work 4 days a week 9-3 and have one day off to catch up on housework. On my working days I take dc to school then go straight to work and leave and do school run again. Get home, clean, tidy, prep dinner, baths and bed etc. Weekends usually quite busy with activities and clubs. Try to catch up on errands and chores on my day off. One of my dc still co sleeps but it isn’t particularly disruptive to any of us.

I feel knackered. I know people work full time and still do everything I do but I just never feel rested or on top of things. It’s the mental load too, Dh works full time in a big job and so most of it falls on me. We have no family support and haven’t had a break since before our youngest (now 5) was born. My diet is ok, I do drink probably more than I should but not horrendous amounts - maybe 2 bottles of wine over 4-5 days. I know that won’t help. I’m 40 and could be approaching peri but I feel so drained. It’s relentless. I’m trying to still maintain friendships and a social life but I feel like there is just no time for anything other than family and the daily grind. Should I be taking some sort of vitamins? Iron levels were ok last time I got checked.

When you say your iron levels were okay, what do you mean? How were your B vitamin levels? What about thyroid function? How much sleep are you getting? Do you exercise?

I also feel utterly wiped out sometimes, but I can usually tell why. I had low iron for ages and only really got to grips with what a healthy level is recently. Many women seem to have low iron and not even know. We just go through life feeling wiped out and not understanding why.

Well I had my iron tested as I was having some bowel issues and it all just came back as normal so I presumed I wasn’t deficient. Not sure about vitamin B or other things.

I do at least 10,000 steps a day and try to go the gym weekly but sometimes don’t manage it because I feel knackered and demotivated. I just see other people running around as much or more than I am but seemingly coping.

Cut out the alcohol- that will help you have a rested sleep and you will feel loads better for it!

What was your ferritin level OP? NHS ‘normal’ ferritin levels are woeful.

I would cut out the alcohol. 2 bottles every 4/5 days is a lot I think and won’t be helping your sleep.

Agree cut out alcohol it doesn’t help with sleep. Have you got a partner? You have a lot on your plate. Make sure you’re eating healthily and drinking water. Have you tried magnesium glycinate it helps with sleep?

I always feel tired, it’s rare that I feel rested, and I only work part time, don’t have young children so no school runs and lazy mornings at the weekend!

Something that has definitely helped recently was some “energy” gummies from Boots. Haven’t got them to hand at the moment, but they have the vit b’s that are linked to energy in them

As tragic as it sounds, I do look forward to a glass of wine at the weekend. But if I overdo it (even more than a glass really) I do notice I feel even worse the next morning. Not unwell, just tired. I definitely need to adjust some habits and try to find a better way to unwind. I have at least 3 nights sober per week and feel tired even on those days though.

Get help with the cleaning etc out of the big salary. Brook no debate about it.

So you do everything, you are running around after multiple kids, you do 10k steps daily AND you work four days a week and wonder why you’re exhausted? It’s not a mystery. You’re burnt out. Your DH needs to do more.

This

If your dh has a big job why are you both not getting some breaks. Get a regular babysitter..local older student..and start having a life. Also just try for one month to have no alcohol and l can bet you would feel so much more energetic. Three sober nights a week is far too little for a Mom with young children.
You are listening to a lie in your head telling you it won't make for a better life.

Dh is just not around as much as I am. He works full time hours whereas I work part time so I expect to pick up some of the slack with the dc and the house. But yeah I think I’m pretty drained mentally and physically. I can’t seem to switch off even at the weekends, there is usually some place to take the dc be it a sporting event or a party or whatever. Dh does help with that sort of stuff.

I don’t think I’m doing anything too different to loads of other parents, I’m probably luckier in the sense I work less hours but I feel like I’m drowning sometimes.

Cut our alcohol.
Reduce screens and take magnesium glycinate before bedtime

If your DH works full time then he must be at home sometimes- it’s his house and kids too so he must do his share (not “help”).
Get kids involved as well.
Let your day off be your day off-do whatever you want- sleep or watch tv, forget about cleaning.

I take these twice daily too and once when I ran out I noticed the difference within a few days. I get the Berocca ones if the boots ones have sold out.

Yeah your DH shouldn't be there to "help" you with the kids and the household - looking after the house and the children are also his responsibilities, not something he is there to help you with. Reframe your thinking. Why is he getting a free pass for the sake of working an extra day? Make sure each of you gets equal free time on the weekends and evenings. Make a chores chart and start dividing things more equally between the two of you.

Cut the drinking, it's a slippery slope and not a good coping mechanism at all. You don't want to slip into burn out and alcoholism!

Best of luck xx

Just thinking out loud - is it possible for you to increase your working hours and have the kids in wraparound care 4 days a week? That way you'll be running around a lot less, and no excuse for your DH to not pick up more slack in the evenings?

I feel the same way with 40 hours per week Monday to Friday in the office, 8am to 5pm. I wake up every day at 5am to get things done before the day starts and then run to work. I have not drunk alcohol since 2023 and that helped a lot. My iron levels are very low and starting soon a treatment and I hope it will improve. Maybe get that checked. My husband helps a lot with the kids and probably does 70% of the work with them as his job is flexible however I still feel constantly tired as I pretty much do everything else regarding the house. I want to hope this is just a stage and it will pass.

What is your ferritin level?

You definitely need help. Think of it this way: your DH works, say, 8-6 in an office. You work 8-6 doing a combination of paid (job) and unpaid (being mum) work. Anything outside of these times needs to be shared 50/50. My DH has a very stressful, full time job; my job is part time (sort of - a few different bits that add up to about 0.8, depending on the time of year) but he shares the mental and physical load. I do the getting to school in the morning so he does bedtime, for example. And get a cleaner too!

I came on to say exactly what the first poster said - B12 is an absolute energy killer. And as a previous poster said, 'OK' NHS iron levels are ridiculously low. I feel drained at the bottom end of normal. I would check with the doc to see if they can check there isn't anything medical going on. Getting those levels right can be life changing. If everything is fine bloods wise, consider burn out as previously mentioned. Can you take one of your days off a month as a proper day off? Parenting can be relentless - it's not lazy to rest sometimes ❤️

Follow up on the bowel issues-if your iron was low, and your had issues, that needs investigating. Not saying it's necessarily serious, but depending what it is, getting that rectified could make a big difference.

Also get Vit D checked if you haven't been outside much - and essential in autumn/winter for most of the population. Do you take magnesium?

My iron wasn’t low according to the tests they did then and the bowel issues have settled although I am prone to the odd flare up now and then - IBS I’m guessing. Have had two colonoscopies in the last decade, both clear and don’t wish to repeat that again if I can help it! But I do sometimes worry if there’s something else going on.

I am due to have my 40 year old health check soon so maybe I could mention this then and get a full test done for deficiencies.