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AIBU?

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AIBU to do know what to do - work dilemma!

5 replies

Workplaceproblems · 06/09/2026 13:12

I am a senior manager in adult social care. There are two other senior managers at my level but we have different roles, though all within adult social care. It’s in a very small service compared to some - I manage 4 members of staff but within this there are 4 distinct services (for example - elderly care homes is one).

One of the other senior managers is a nightmare. I get on well with most people and when I don’t, I am of course able to be professional and hide any personal feelings. As a leader / manager I feel this is critical.

I am really struggling with this manager because they are so difficult to work with. Every meeting becomes contentious, they come with a set view about a situation and don’t listen to other people’s views, they are patronising. I could go on and on.

I personally cannot stand them. But I need to be professional and my job is incredibly important to me.

I avoid them as much as I can but do sit in the same office. It has had such an impact on my happiness at work but I’ve been trying hard to just get on with my job.

However, I am aware that other members of staff feel the same as I do. Worse in fact, and social care workers within the service are reporting that they are desperately unhappy. To the extent that people are leaving and those who aren’t leaving are looking for other jobs. We already have significant staffing issues so this is incredibly worrying.

The people leaving are not in my service - but it has an impact of course.

A big problem is she appears very friendly with our boss. They worked together in the past and they talk about our boss as if they are friends.

I genuinely don’t know what to do?

OP posts:
NewIdeasToday · 06/09/2026 17:20

Look for a new job as well. The situation isn’t going to change from what you’ve said.

TwinklyAmberSloth · 06/09/2026 17:26

Could you discretely speak to another manager that feels the same way?

Or speak to the boss citing you being worried about WHY so many people are leaving, and ask for it to be looked into, so that you can prevent more staff leaving?

Hopefully someone will have cited this manager as a reason why they left.

Themsofcoffee · 06/09/2026 17:27

Do the people who are leaving give feedback to HR when they leave?

Wingingit73 · 06/09/2026 17:50

Find a new job for your own well being.

Workplaceproblems · 06/09/2026 18:45

No the people who have left so far give other reasons. One is a manager and isn’t willing to put themselves in a difficult position - for a number of reasons but mainly because they worry they will encounter her in the future but also they just don’t want the hassle.

I would consider applying for other jobs but there aren’t many at the moment at my level doing my role.

I am miserable when I have to work with her in any capacity. She really is a nightmare

OP posts:
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