Me and DP are both early 30s and in the last year or so I’ve not felt like the relationship is an actual relationship? Basically any time we’re both home together he ends up on his PC or Xbox in the back office whilst I read or watch something. We both have an active life outside the relationship, lots of hobbies and friends. I’d say we’re both out the majority of week days after work, and have maybe one whole day at the weekend when we’re both at home.
I told him over new year that I would like to spend some quality time together because I want to feel connected to him. Just anything really - chatting, doing a hobby together, cooking together. He was really defensive at first saying I was codependent, that I needed to get a life, and that we spend all our time together, we sleep in the same bed (?!) and I’m overthinking things. Eventually he agreed with me (I think to shut me up)
So he continued with his gaming but will say things like “do you want to watch a film?” Or “what’s the plan tonight then?”. I know he’d rather be playing his games so I just say I’m going to chill out tonight and he says ok I’ll go on the game.
He’s started to ask me to sit in the room with him whilst he plays on the game, which in my mind is him trying to “spend time together”. I felt like a hired company at this point so have refused to do it!
I can’t remember the last time we had a date. He’s terrible with money so never has any spare to offer to take me the cinema or anything like that. No flowers, no conversation. He falls asleep on the sofa if we watch a film together but can play for 11 hours straight on his game.
I don’t feel attractive to him. I feel like I’m just someone to live with to him. We do have sex but there’s no build up or flirting, it’s mostly him coming to me with a hard on and saying let’s fuck.
He’s ex military, very emotionally repressed and doesn’t do well in conversations where I bring up feeling lonely. But I am lonely, desperately lonely. I feel like a loser asking to spend time with someone who clearly doesn’t want to! I’d just love him to plan something, do something, that makes me feel special. I see other people going on holidays or concerts together and get a pang of jealousy that we never do that.
The only time we go out together is if he wants me to watch him in a competition for his hobby. And even then he brings a group of his friends so it’s not “us”