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Original poster

Nervous re age / family planning

31 replies

126Doubts · 04/09/2026 19:18

Soon to be 37, single, in a bit complicated situation where life circumstances didn't work out that much due to outside events, although not the hugely desperate type (in the no savings and previous student debt category).
Basically, beginning attempting retraining (OU), and don't hugely wish to date atm if I'm super honest,kind of want this time to try at least to better myself - I grew up in complicated circumstances, and just don't wish this life for my family if I do end up having one....
But also nervous as to if I should be wary of wasting time ?
`
Let me know if any advice ? Happy stories obviously very welcome, but also blunt feedback ?

Let me know also if any questions specifically would help answer. TIA

OP posts:
Original poster
126Doubts · 04/09/2026 21:45

Yellowsubmarine55 · 04/09/2026 21:41

You need to have a good think about it having a child is your top priority as if you want to do it then conventional way you need to get out there, meet as many people as you can, date however people date these days and meet your person.

However be prepared that mother nature may not be on your side as your egg reserves may be low. May be an idea to get a full fertility mot as that might influence your decision as if you can't have them naturally then you have to consider treatment which is costly.

Thank you. I struggle a bit to picture a life without as it was always what I wanted, my closer friends are similar, life circumstances got in the way, so it has made me a bit unsure of everything atm.

OP posts:
Original poster
126Doubts · 04/09/2026 21:48

BreezyMintTiger · 04/09/2026 21:44

Hi OP, I’m in a similar situation to yourself. I’m 34 and have decided to re train via a degree which I’m currently doing. I am dating but know I could definitely put more time into dating more. I made the decision to freeze my eggs and I’m currently in that process though I know it’s not a given and an option for everyone. For me personally I would pause my retraining if I became in the position to have a child but that’s just my personal choice.

Good luck with your retraining!

Thanks so much and good luck to you also !

OP posts:
LittleMissFooled · 04/09/2026 22:06

126Doubts · 04/09/2026 21:36

I think I just need to get it in my head that I'd never repeat the same environment, and I have other friends that grew up poor and their parents were loving and motivated etc.

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You also have the first hand knowledge, from your childhood experience, of what not to do and how not to be. That will be of great benefit to your future children. Every generation strives to be better than the last.

I grew up poor, and whilst my mum was kind she didn’t really push us to get a great education. My experience made me money hungry for at least 20 years (less so now) and I read to my kids from 3 days old and showed them I value education - they are both in top grammar schools now.

You can be any parent you want to be.

Original poster
126Doubts · 04/09/2026 22:19

LittleMissFooled · 04/09/2026 22:06

You also have the first hand knowledge, from your childhood experience, of what not to do and how not to be. That will be of great benefit to your future children. Every generation strives to be better than the last.

I grew up poor, and whilst my mum was kind she didn’t really push us to get a great education. My experience made me money hungry for at least 20 years (less so now) and I read to my kids from 3 days old and showed them I value education - they are both in top grammar schools now.

You can be any parent you want to be.

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Thanks. I think I felt like I had to have it all figured out first myself, but I guess you never really reach that point.

OP posts:
LittleMissFooled · 04/09/2026 22:27

126Doubts · 04/09/2026 22:19

Thanks. I think I felt like I had to have it all figured out first myself, but I guess you never really reach that point.

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No you don’t. You figure it out as you go along.

Original poster
126Doubts · 05/09/2026 17:58

Thanks all so muchfor your replies, lots to think about.

For those with a bit less money, or in general who feel like you could/should be in a better position by now, do you sometimes compare yourselves negatively to peers who can afford more experiences ?
Although I grew up in an extended environment (meaning not my personal one) that valued as a whole education mostly, and not at all money, and kids mostly did good with food/pencil/books/love

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